Principle 1: Begin with praise and sincere appreciation.
“I’m not leaving without appropriate clarification. I am entitled to a quantitative explanation!”
“Well, it’s right there in your question. Who under the age of 83 uses quantitative anymore?”
Spluttering, I replied, “I do!”
He smirked. “Exactly.”
“That can’t be legal grounds to fire someone!”
“Look, this is really hard for me.”
“Harder than it will be for me to find rent money?”
“Tilly…”
“You know what? I don’t need this – this – sass!”
I stormed out of TeenMag’s main headquarters, fuming with every step.
That little conniving, self-satisfied, trendy mother-
“Tilly! Wait!”
My heart stopped. Maybe Bruce had realized his mistake in depriving himself, and the magazine, of my intuitive wit. Maybe he was going to offer me a raise. Maybe he was going to ask me out? As hard as it was to admit it, he is really cute…
“Tilly, well, um, I…”
“Oh, just come out with it already!” I blurted excitedly. I had been waiting for this for too long. But that’s okay; it was all behind us now.
“Tilly, I have to take back your H&M discount card.”
Now this was simply undignified.
“Fine!” I yelled. “Not like I ever used it anyway!”
I threw the stupid card at his stupid untrimmed goatee.
“You know what? You really aren’t as attractive as you think you are, and Chloe from the Style Section is so not into you, so stop deluding yourself. Oh, and by the way, you need a shave. Badly.”
There was one thing no one could take away from me, and that was good old-fashioned class.
YOU ARE READING
How to Win Friends and Influence People
HumorTILLY NOONSTONE IS CONFUSED. What is the point of probability with tree diagrams or bacon-wrapped hot dogs if one child dies of malaria every minute? What is the point of judging a girl who asks for extra pickles on her naked hamburger if baseball p...
