How to Win Friends and Influence People

Changing People's Attitudes - Part 5

Principle 1: Begin with praise and sincere appreciation.

The exquisitely wafting smell of fresh dog shit through my window brought me back to my senses. Yeah, no. There was no way I would ever do that – assassination doesn’t look good on college apps. I sighed. Higher education asked so much of people.

I got up and walked over to my favorite household appliance: the fridge. After a brief but intense moral struggle over the merits of chocolate lava cake versus carrots, the cocoa confection corrupted my good intentions and I sauntered over to my couch.

Nothing like chocolate to give you a little swagger.

Three hours of binge-watching Oprah later, I disappointedly tore my bleary eyes away from the screen – unfortunately, I hadn’t gleaned any life–changing gold nugget of advice. I waited a beat.  Nope, still no eureka moment.

Thanks, Oprah.

Of course, waiting for big things to happen to you isn’t half as effective as making them happen. Hmmm. Was that deep?

I doubt it.

My eyes lit up as I heard that beloved Queen song, “another one bites the dust, and another one does, and another one….”

I threw open my door and ran down the four flights of stairs.

“Vito!” I yelled enthusiastically.

The overweight Asian man who had loudly become one of my best friends eagerly waved at me from his bright yellow van and backed up to me.

“Tilly! How are you, kasuyo?”

“Vito, man, I’m surviving.”

“What is it, kasuyo?”

“It’s my job… You know that guy I had a crush on?”

“He asked you out!”

“He fired me.”

“Oh.” He exhaled, killing the engine, leaning over his bright yellow counter and looking intently into my eyes. “So what’ll you have?”

“Chocolate mint chip with peanuts and extra strawberry sauce.” I rattled off without hesitation.

His eyes darkened. “Sweetie…” He said worriedly.

That was my rock bottom ice cream.

In all of the two and a half years I had known Vito, I had ordered it a total of two times.

Once when my grandfather died, and once when my parents got divorced.

Reaching into my wallet, he stopped my hand indignantly.

“No, no kasuyo, it’s on the house.”

“How much do I owe you now? Three grand in toppings alone?”

“Kasuyo, big writers like yourself are above paying for their own desserts.”

“You know, Vito, you are the nicest ice cream man I know.”

“I’m also the only ice cream man you know… Unless you’ve been cheating on me?”

“Rest assured that my stomach longs only for your mint chip, and no one else’s.”

“Way to make me sound that much creepier.”

“Don’t worry about it! I don’t think you’re creepy… Much.”

His amused grin quickly morphed into a more somber expression. Uh-oh. He was putting on his serious face.

“So what’s next for you?”

“Can I honestly say I have no idea?”

He put on his attempt at a paternal expression.

“Stop trying on fatherly, Vito, it doesn’t suit you.” I snapped angrily.

Seeing his face fall, my façade crumbled and I backtracked. “Vito, I’m so sorry, you know I didn’t mean that, I’m just – I –“

He looked at me closely.

“Tilly, what’s wrong?” He demanded quietly.

I stopped.

And stared.

When was the last time someone had asked me that?