Blink (Billy Hargrove x OC)

#5 Time Blink

I'd like to say that I remained calm and composed about the whole situation. However, in reality I sat on the bed for a while, crying my eyes out as memories from my subconscious spilled out. I lay in bed for a few days, only leaving to eat small amounts of food and use the bathroom. 

I couldn't believe that after all my searching, this is where I'm from? A shady lab in an even shadier town. I knew the truth about my past wasn't going to be amazing, but some part of me always hoped the things I saw at the lab weren't real, and were just dreams or something. 

A part of me had hoped that maybe there would've been people at the lab when I arrived, and they would've had a great explanation for why they were doing testing on me, where my parents were, what the blink was and why I'm the only one who can do it. Yet, the place is deserted and destroyed, riddled with bullet holes and bloodstains.

I wanted something, not all this nothing. But what did I really expect to find? I'd been denying so much and now it's all crashing over me. Hopes and dreams are far from reality, that's one of the first things Tom taught me, one of the most crucial, and somehow it seems I've forgotten it.

"Aw, fuck this." I let myself wallow for a minute and then I push the hurt away. I file the sadness into a drawer along with other things I don't want to look at, and I close it and lock it. I wipe my tears away and drink some water. I exhale deeply. 

I need to get up and do something, not just lie around. I haven't made much of myself, but I've travelled the world and helped in my own little ways and that's enough for me. I try to figure out what I want to do now. I have a couple of options. 

I could go somewhere new, somewhere exciting. Or maybe I could find out why I'm connected to this town. I could investigate to learn who experimented on me in the lab, and why. I could take their pictures and track them down and get my revenge. Because I could very well be the only one who survived the lab. I could try to find the others, see if they're alive. See if they survived the tests.

I flop down on the bed and cry into the pillow again. I don't want to stay in this stupid town and uncover the secrets of my past alone. I'm so, so, lonely. I wish I could blink back in time and fix all my mistakes.

I try not to regret much in this life, Tom used to tell me that someone as powerful as me with as troubled of a past should be able to live how they want, without any regrets.

But even though I try to live without regrets there's one thing I secretly regret more than anything else. I regret leaving Billy when we weren't on speaking terms, I regret not going to find him because of my stupid pride when I very well could have. I never truly moved on, even though I refused to let myself see him.

I've had many lovers since then, but none of them have ever meant as much to me as he did. None of them were ever as good as him, anyways. I wish I could be with him again.

I wish we could be back in high school in California: surfing and partying and getting into all kinds of trouble together. Those times were so much simpler.

I'm truly lonely. I miss having someone to hold me, to touch me, to talk to me, to kiss me and let me know everything will be alright. The truth is, even though going to high school was one of the most normal things I did, Billy wasn't normal in the slightest. He was aggressive, he was angry, he was all kinds of fucked up.

Maybe almost as fucked up as me.

Stop wishing, stop missing, stop whining.

I compose myself and I try to use my sense to feel for Billy out in the world, I used to be able to but I can't anymore. I've made up my mind. I don't care where he is, I don't care what he's doing, I'm going to him. And who cares if he has a new girl. To be honest I don't even care if they're fucking right now. I just want to see him. I want him to tell me everything will be okay like he used to, I want him to hold me.