When You Walked into My Life

2 | Birthdays

Phillipa's POV

A year has passed and I still haven't totally gotten over my kid. I knew my decision was made in the best interest of me, but I was questioning if it was for her.

Can I even call her, my kid? It seems no matter what I do, I can't get the little girl out of my mind. She would've been one today.

August 10th, the date is carved into my brain forever.

This was supposed to be the day everyone gathers around and celebrates the bundle of joy having lived one whole year. All eating cake and laughing at the way the one-year-old gets it all over herself. Opening presents and finding it funny how the baby would rather play with the paper and bows than with the actual gift.

It was supposed to be a time of happiness, but instead, here I am wondering what my daughter is doing.

Another year passes and then six more do. Today she would be eight. I am better but still find this date tugging at my heart.

I missed her first steps, first words, first bath, first everything. The pain slowly dies down, but here I am again still wondering. I wonder if the kid I never got to meet also wonders about me.

A few more years pass and I have moved on. I am currently in a musical, Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812.

It's crazy that this is my first job since moving to New York City. I love getting into character and playing pretend. It has helped me cope with everything going on in my life.

I still find myself feeling blue when I see families playing in the park, or when my friends jokingly ask me if I have found the "perfect guy" to settle down and have kids with.

~~~

"What am I going to do?" I ask my brother, David, sobbing. "I can't have a kid now!"

He tries his best to comfort me as I hold two positive pregnancy tests. "Shhhh, it's going to be okay Pippa."

I just sob louder, a total emotional mess. Then I think about how I am supposed to tell my parents.

Two weeks after the birth he visits me. "How are you holding up?" He asks.

"I'm doing okay," I reply hesitantly. "What if I made a mistake?"

"You and I both know that this was the best decision." He says, pulling me into a huge hug which I gladly accept. He and I both know that neither I nor Zack is ready to raise a kid.

After a couple of minutes of comfortable silence I speak up, "It was a baby girl."

When I found out I was pregnant I wanted the gender to be a surprise. This comment makes my brother smile.

"I know she is perfect," he tells me, softly stroking my hair. "I am so proud of you Pip." This brings tears to my eyes.

The amount of times I have cried the past two weeks is uncountable, but I am grateful to have such a loving relationship with my brother.

My family is the only people, other than the father, that even know about the baby and they have supported me through everything.

~~~

Aaron's POV

"Aaron!" a voice yells from downstairs. I groan. What now?

"Here," I say, having made my way downstairs.

Today is my birthday, but nobody here needs to know it. I am just surviving at this point.

I have been in the foster system since I can remember. Some good and some bad, but that is just how it is.

I got re-adopted when I was four years old, but it didn't work out. Occasionally I will think about my biological parents, but I don't want to go down that rabbit hole. It would just lead to disappointment.

My thoughts get interrupted when my current caretaker tells me to pack my stuff. Another one bites the dust.

I grab a trash bag to collect my belongings. Thirty minutes later I am met with a familiar face at the door.

"Good evening Ms. Edwards!" My social services worker, Lily, says way too enthusiastically for someone who is getting moved... again.

"Hi Lily," I say, a little dead on the inside. The two of us step outside and head to Lily's car.

I know the entire procedure already. Lily will open the trunk and I will throw my "bag" inside and head over into the passenger seat. Then she will try to make small talk and tell me that this wasn't my fault it just "wasn't the right match."

"This one wasn't your fault you know," Lily says as I close the passenger door. Right on time.

"Yeah right," I say under my breath. I am getting sick of everything. I have lost count of the number of homes I have been to and they never seem to stick. Maybe I'm just not worth it.

We head down the road for what feels like the one-millionth time.

"Oh Happy Birthday!" Lily says, trying to make me feel better. "Eleven years old, how does it feel?"

"Please don't mention it," I say, not wanting to talk about it. I know Lily means the best, but in my perfect world, this is not how I would be spending it.

I would rather not think about the day I got brought into this world only to discover that nobody cared about me.

I lean onto the window seal as my thoughts confiscate my mind. My eyes slowly start to shut, I try to fight the tiredness, but remind myself Lily is safe. That's the plus side to being with her.

Yes, her positive outlook on life can get annoying, but I am safe around her. I let tiredness win and fall into a much-needed dreamless sleep.

What a way to spend a birthday.