At the End of the Garden

Chapter Twenty-Three

"Are you on your period?" My mother moaned as she drove away from her parents house and back home. "You've been like this all week."
I stayed staring out the window. I'd said very little to my parents since Christmas and it was now the 4th of January. In fact, I'd said more to my little cousins, meaning I'd started 2017 with some very unintelligent conversations.
"Your grandmother was upset you didn't take any jewellery with you."
I said nothing.
Dad turned to look back from the front seat, I made an effort not to look at him.
"Look alive Miss Scarlet!" My mum continued to mock me from the front seat. "At least you don't have to babysit your cousins anymore."
Subconsciously I checked my phone. Nothing. I was starting to hope he was dead, because if he wasn't he'd forgotten about me. Or maybe I didn't wish that. But there were no good reasons for him to be ignoring me this long, and I suppose if he were dead I'd get to preserve the memory of when we were close. Sidney Mathews was starting to seem a bit like a jerk, in my eyes.
The entire car ride remained at that same level of awkwardness, although my mum didn't seem to feel it. She spent the whole time jokingly threatening that I wouldn't get lunch if I kept acting like a bitch.
Even when we got home, I went straight to my room while listening to the distant mumbling of my mother say how I needed to get a grip. Luckily for the both of us, now we were home we'd get to see a lot less of each other than we did over Christmas.
There were few days left before school started up again and I didn't see much of my mum without my dad being in the room, as if he planned to act as a mediator if things kicked off. By that stage, I didn't think it was the secrets that were fuelling my anger it was more that she was picking at me like I was a thread on her tights. Even though she had no idea why I was in such a mood, it seemed to amuse her to no end to keep making snide comments about it. It was lucky for her that I decided to keep what I knew to myself.

I was desperate to get out the house. And once I'd told Ren and Michael I was home, they offered to save me. There was no way I was saying no.
Ren and Michael plan's were far more spontaneous than Angela's. They decided we were meeting tomorrow, with no room to argue about it. Angela wouldn't go out unless the plans were decided at least five business days in advance to the date, and if they didn't suit her you'd have to wait five more. The sudden spontaneity of the plans almost made me uncomfortable, but like I said, every minute spent away from my mother was a minute spent in peace.
We met at some dessert place I hadn't known existed (neither Angela or my mum were a fan of sweet things so there was no way I'd ever been here before with anyone), even though it wasn't too far from the school. A conversation that didn't include Eden, Sidney or my mother was a relief too. I told them about my cute but annoying little cousins I'd spent Christmas with, while Ren told me I could have it worse, I could be cousins with Angela. I don't know how much those two saw of each other outside of school, but Ren didn't seem like the type who could hold her tongue if she had a problem with her.
The relax atmosphere that Ren and Michael had provided me with was always going to br temporary though. Because when I went home I had to remember everything else. Dad awkwardly asked if I was going to Victor Quinn's after school still as it wasn't obvious. Of course I was. I was going with the baby scan in my pocket and the crystal necklace tucked under my shirt, doing all things my mother wouldn't like.

I'd had plenty of awkward silences with Eden, especially in the months we were dating (which is disgusting to think about now). Usually though, we would both know it was awkward. Today, Eden was peacefully doing his work unaware of the tension I'd dragged into his house. I wasn't sure how he'd compiled so much work from just one day back at school, he wasn't the type of student who would need to catch up on what should have been done over the holidays either. I spent a lot of time unable to concentrate watching him.
It didn't take him long to suspect something was the matter. He dropped his pen and the way it cut through the quiet made me jump . He noted that reaction and asked:
"Something's the matter, isn't it?"
My throat suddenly felt dry. Words felt difficult, like they were knifes stabbing my mouth as they rose up. I chose to nod instead.
"Well?"
A took a brave deep breath, but no words followed.
"You don't have to talk to me." He shook his head as if realising his mistake. "I can call your dad to pick you up, or, um, I'm pretty sure there's ice cream in the freezer."
He'd said it so awkwardly. Enough to catch me off guard. I almost laughed. I think that was the effect he wanted, and it had almost worked.
"No." I managed to say. "I need to tell you something."
"Okay." He said. "What is it?"
We weren't too far from Victor Quinn's office. I didn't think he was home, but I wanted to be sure he didn't hear.
"Can we go somewhere else?"
Eden stared blankly for a moment, I think this was his way of being confused.
"Fine. Where do you have in mind?"
I wanted to go in the garden, just to be sure Victor Quinn couldn't hear us, but also because the air felt different in such a large open space. We could have have even gone up to the back and hidden between the trees. But it would be too dark now, and I needed Eden to see the scan. I settled for leading Eden into the living room.
It was Eden who shut the living room door when we were finally safe within the confides.
"So? What's the matter?"
"I..."
It was lucky Eden had patience with me. I couldn't just get the point right now, and if it were the other way round I would be frustrated. His patience might have been helpful, but it didn't change how hard it was to find words. Despite my heart pumping more blood than it should have, I couldn't seem to find the energy to communicate anything.
"Marie?"
I reached into my pocket and pulled out the photo. I shoved into Eden's chest.
"What is this?"
I let him see for himself. His usual empty expression stayed plastered on his first glance at the photo. But like me, he saw the date and the name and looked closer. And like me, he must have had reason to suspect the same thing I did. As he turned it over and read the writing on the back, I realised he hadn't shown any emotion since I gave him the photo.
"This could be nothing."
"I asked my dad."
Eden stared at the photo.
"He said it was - "
Before I could spit out the words 'true', Eden was gone. I barely even saw him move, just the sound of the door shut. It shook the room, the bookshelves and my core. The scan laid somewhere in his trail on the floor. I didn't call him back.
I collapsed onto the sofa. Covered my eyes from the light. Considered sleeping. I wanted to pick up the scan. Rip it into tiny pieces as if it was to blame for how Eden was feeling. Couldn't move, though. Just let the blackness of the TV stare at me until Dad came and picked me up.

"Did you tell him?" Dad asked on the drive home.
I knew I wasn't a good liar, so I stared at the window so he couldn't see my face.
"No."
"Really?"
"I think Mum and Victor should do it."
Dad nodded to himself. I'm not sure if he believed me but I'd convinced him enough to drop it. I should have asked something like 'does Mum know that I found out?' That sort of thing would have an impact on the situation too, but Dad seemed to be denying he had any role in the situation other than bystander.
"I don't see why you're upset." He said.
I turned away from the window to look at him, to check if he was being serious. We hadn't spoke about it at all since Christmas or had he tried to console me about any of this. If this was his attempt, it was pathetic.
"I mean, all things considered, you and Eden get along well enough. Finding out he's your brother shouldn't be bad news."
"I guess..."
I couldn't deny it. It wasn't as if Eden didn't feel like family before. I suppose this was Dad trying to find a silver lining. That was very much like him. Spending almost sixteen years watching your daughter become best friends with your wife's secret love child must have caused this mentality to come easier to him. I found myself getting angrier at my mum with each thought.

I was starting to really detest Maths. The subject had always been boring, but at least last term things happened to make the lesson interesting. Now, I just wanted to ram my heel into the back of the empty chair in front of me. Then maybe, through some spiritual link, Sidney would feel it.
It felt weird walking into that lesson with the intention to talk to someone other than him. On too many occasions, I had wanted to avoid Eden in this room, but right now I wanted to see him.
Eden arrived after me and I watched him approach the table. Somehow, he looked taller. It wasn't his posture. He was just different. More grown up, and I didn't think Eden could get more adult-like until he turned 18, I was wrong. He didn't look at me as he sat down. Which, in Eden terms, told me absolutely nothing about how he was feeling. We had a few moments to talk before the teacher started the lesson.
"Um, am I still going to yours after school tonight?" I whispered, assuming Eden wouldn't want to talk to me here. I didn't even know if he would want to be near me after what I told him. Was he angry at me for spoiling his ignorance?
"You've never had to ask before." He replied.
"Oh."
He shook his head. "I don't why I said that. Of course you are."
I nodded. That was my only clue he was miserable, that short conversation. He was otherwise normal Eden, and I hated that. I had been more distressed, even at lunch Ren and Michael commented on how tired I looked. There was a moment of guilt for being too sad about something that didn't affect me as much as it affected Eden. But then again, I knew that Eden could have always been more upset, he just wouldn't tell me.

We didn't say anything until we were inside the house. I dumped my bag down in the dining room like I usually did and Eden did the same, then he lead me into the living room. He didn't sit down like I did, I guess that meant he wasn't staying.
"I wanted to apologise for yesterday."
"You don't have to."
"I'm sorry." He said anyway. "I should have at least come back to tell you I was okay."
I paused. I think we had more awkward silences this school year than we'd ever had in our lives.
"And... are you okay?"
His hand was hovering over the door handle, for a second I thought he was going to leave without answering my question. He nodded.
"Yes."
There was no way that was true. Surely, it was humanely impossible. My disbelief must have shown on my face because he followed up with:
"I mean, I'm sure I will be."
"Right."
"Anyway," he continued, "do any of our parents - either of our parents aware that we know."
"No. Just my dad."
"Okay, good." He nodded. "I suppose we can leave it that way for a while, right."
I nodded.
"Good."
In typical Eden fashion, or perhaps more like his father, he fixed his posture and turned the door handle prepared to leave. But once the door was open slightly, he hesitated. The door clicked quietly shut again.
"Brother and sister, huh?"
I couldn't stop a smile creeping to my lips. "Feels wrong, doesn't it?"
"Not really." He shook his head, he might have even smiled a little, before opening the door again with more conviction. "I've got work to do, I'll see you later."
I let him go and laid back on the sofa. I wasn't convinced he was okay, but he could have been taking it worse.