At the End of the Garden

Chapter Seventeen

Around ten o'clock, the three of us were standing outside the door of our house, waiting for Dad to fish the keys out his pocket and open the door.
   "Anytime today." A generic snide remark from my mum. 
   Me and Dad both ignored her. Though I had to admit, I didn't want to stand there shivering for much longer either.
   Dad went straight upstairs to bed without saying goodnight. Because he had to drive us home, he hadn't drunk much, so must have been far more exhausted than my mum. She stayed downstairs, opened another bottle of wine and sat at the kitchen counter on her own. She lit herself a cigarette while I was in there getting water, and stared at me the whole time, as if daring me to say something about how Dad would hate it or that she'll set of the smoke alarm. I didn't. I told her goodnight and went to my room. 
   I didn't want my day ruined by a petty argument with my Mum, causing them seemed to be her hobby. I was in a good mood, having hopefully reached the end of mine and Eden's major conflicts, at least for a while. No more fake romances, violence or secrets I didn't need to know.  I had prepared myself for a peaceful night sleep unlike the day before.  That was, until I heard a knock at my window.
   I froze. Instantly. It could have been anything, a ghost, a murderer, a tree branch. It sounded humane, the way humans always knock with rhythm. 
   I'd been getting a set of pyjamas out of my drawer when I first heard it, now there clothes  were stuck in my frozen arms. I stayed like that, cradling the fabric like a new born child, until the second knock came.
   I felt brave enough to start to slowly turn around. There was indeed a humane silhouette at my window, and knowing someone was out there made me dizzy. Until I began to notice the familiar features of the figure. Even though I could only see waist up, I could tell they were disproportionately thin because he was too lanky for his own good. His hair left a curly shadow on the glass. And his posture was somehow cheeky, leaning against the window frame like it was comfortable. These features had been haunting me all week.
   I rushed over to the window. The curtains came flying inwards with the November wind as I opened it.  But I didn't feel the cold. Sidney Mathews had to move around a bit to get out the way while I opened the window. He wobbled slightly, but he remained balance.
   "Why the hell are you at my window?"
   I was more than happy to see him, but the feeling was mixed with a bunch of others. Instinctively, I felt like I should be terrified that there was a boy at my window uninvited. I was also extremely confused. I wouldn't send him away, though. While these emotions flooded through me, he stood there leaning against my windowsill coolly. Rested his cheek in the palm of his hand and laid the other on the surface.
   "We... have a door? Why - what are you even standing on?" I continued.
   He let me go on like this. His expression more peaceful than his usual amused smirk. The bruise on his face was still evident, but had started to a yellow colour and had faded in more with the natural colours of his skin.
   "How long have you been here?"
   "About thirty seconds." He finally spoke when he thought I'd reached the last of my questions.
   "I was out all night. What would you have done if I was asleep?"
   "At ten on a Saturday?"
   I realised this wasn't as important as some of my previous questions. I shook my head at him. "What are you doing here?"
   "I had to talk to you." He didn't seem like he was trying to wind me up like he usually did. Instead he looked accepting, peaceful. "And to say goodbye as well."
   "Still I have a door - what do you mean goodbye?"
   He didn't say anything.
   "Sidney you're back at school next week."
   He titled his head. With a heavy sigh he just said 'nah.' Still smiling as if it wasn't serious.
   I gestured for him to come inside. He must have been cold even though he was dressed warmer than I was, but only in a black hoodie. He refused, and promised to give me the short of it.
   "I'm not gonna stick around here anymore."
   "Why not?"
   "Just like you to not let me finish." He laughed and leant forward to gently put a finger on my lips. The contact shut me up immediately which he seemed quite satisfied by. I didn't interrupt again.
   "It's kinda simple. You know how I said that my foster mum is one of those - think they can do good for the world types, you know taking in this problematic kid cos she feel guilty about her own one?"
   I nodded.
   "She thinks she's doing me a favour, fostering me and sending me to some posh school. Anyway - now she thinks I'm - err -  she doesn't believe me at all about what happened."
   "You're..."
   "Yeah, I'm running away." He said, almost laughing at himself, without nerve or worry. Nothing like what I was feeling.
   "What? Where will you go? Won't it be..."
   "Relax. It's not the first time. I've got mates I can stay with. Besides I'm sixteen soon, they can't make me do anything after that."
   It wasn't that. Well it was. I had an awful image of him laying under a bridge somewhere, cold and alone. Hearing him say that was reassuring. But, there was always what he was leaving behind...
   "Can I not stop you?"
   "I'd be flattered if you tried."
   That meant no.
   "I'll come back, let me get away first. I feel like I might get looked for this time..."
   I didn't say anything just looked down at his hand resting on surface. Without realising it, I'd started leaning on the windowsill too, being closer to Sidney than I was before.
   "Geez, don't look so sad."
   "I can't help it."
   "You don't trust me to stay in touch." He leaned closer to look at my face, maybe trying to be reassuring. I looked away from him.
   "I don't even have your phone number."
   "Oh, I have yours."
   "Wait... Really? How?"
   Sidney looked flustered just for  moment, I think it's the first time I saw him like that.
   "Details aren't... important. Anyway, don't worry. I'll call you so don't look so upset."
   "I told you. I can't help it."
   "You don't trust me? How do I..."
   That wasn't it. I would miss our walks. I'd miss him turning around in maths to annoy Eden. Each sly smile when we made eye contact, even when we were condemned to separate tables in the library. Before I could open my mouth to say it, he had pressed his lips against mine.
   It took a couple of somethings for me to react, because I'd never felt anything like it. It was light. But became more heavy when I leaned forward to kiss him back, putting  my hand over one of his like I knew what I was doing. I didn't know what I was doing. It hardly seemed to matter until he pulled away. It was funny because, the yearning I had to get closer to him hadn't been relieved at all. It had only grown stronger.
   He placed he free hand over his lips and looked down at our hands on the windowsill. I watched everything he did with full focus, unable to concentrate on anything else. His cheeks were slightly red under his freckles, and he still had the gentle smile. Unlike anything I'd seen from him ever.
   Eventually, and only eventually, did he lift the I had over his up to free himself. He laughed lightly.
   "I should go, I'm going to freeze to death if I stay longer."
   "Don't go. Come inside."
   "I'll see you around."
   I was too dazed to say anything, do anything, even say goodbye back. I just watched him navigate down from my window in silent awe. The worry I'd felt earlier about him falling had been replaced with nothingness. By the time I felt I could move again, he was safely on the ground. He looked up one more time and waved. I think I waved back.
   I didn't know if it had been a dream, or if I hit my head. I managed to move to my bed and collapse onto it. Then I was stuck there staring at the ceiling, probably with my mouth gaping. I almost wanted to tell someone, but a huge part of me wanted to keep it a secret, though mainly because I didn't really believe it happened. It felt more like a fairy tale, something I would gush about reading in a book or seeing on screen. So I just laid there all night. Still in the dress I'd worn all day, with the winter draft coming through my window. And somehow fell asleep like that.

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I hate this chapter. Love it. But really really hate it.