At the End of the Garden

Chapter Fifteen

Dad told me to keep checking on Eden if he was off school the next week and I wasn't going to his house. He said if that's the case, he was probably sitting on his own all day. As if he needed me to talk to him. Every time I checked up on him, I would say something like:
"Do anything fun on your day off"
He wouldn't even answer the question, as if guessing that I was just checking on him. He'd say:
"I'm fine. Sorry."
The apologies didn't stop. I was sick of hearing the word from him. I hadn't heard from Sidney at all.
Being in school without the two of them was weird. People had started making up their own versions of events about what happened the night Eden hit Sidney. A lot of people wrongly believed Sidney had thrown the first punch, and it had been a brawl rather than one hit. It must have been easier to believe that Sidney was in the wrong, even if it wasn't true. I'd told Ren and Michael what I knew of the truth, I even asked them to try correct people where they could, but it was mostly hopeless. I was starting to see why Eden hated rumours.
People thought they were funny too. If ever there was a question in class that went unanswered, someone would chime in and sat that Eden would have answered if he were here. Like he was dead. If anyone was late to lesson, by even a few seconds, they were dubbed 'the new Sidney', like he was gone forever. I'd passed two Year 9's in the corridor who were talking to each other, I heard them whisper something about how hard it must have been for the head teacher to exclude his own son. I'd concluded that it probably wasn't. Nothing was emotionally taxing on that man as far as I was concerned. Not excluding his own son, not punishing someone innocent, not his wife's suicide.
Though, it was a strange week for Eden to have so little social contact. On Saturday, he would have tons of guests to take care of for the anniversary of his mother's death.

On a good note, it was nice to have a problem free week. I suddenly remembered what it was like to concentrate in a Maths class. By Friday I felt like a model student again. At the end of the week, I was sitting in Form, reading the letter our class got about compulsory extra lessons after school, and I wasn't even complaining about it. I knew that Eden didn't need this letter. He stayed after school every night anyway without being forced and there was definitely someone in his household who could tell him about this information. Still, my Form tutor came over to me and handed me an extra copy of the letter.
"You and Eden are friends, right? When you see him, give him this." Was all she said.
"Why not give it to Mr Quinn?" I asked.
There were some teachers in the school who would accuse me of talking back if asked this question. Our form tutor was not one of them, she was a little laid back and too honest. She shook her head rapidly at my question.
"He's already left for today." She said.
I knew that wasn't true. Victor Quinn worked late on a Friday. Although, I suppose he could leave whenever he wanted. It also made sense that she might not want to go see the headteacher, her boss. If it were me, I know I wouldn't.
It wasn't like I would be going out of my way to give the letter to Eden. I imagined that there wouldn't be any real consequences if I forgot. I took the letter. I could of probably given it to him when I saw him tomorrow, if I remembered, which I probably wouldn't. But rather than admitting that I was missing Eden, I used that as an excuse to stop at his house on the way home from school.

Seven days was a surprisingly long time for us to be apart. Usually the only time it would be that long was when I went to my grandparent's in Devon over Christmas, or if one of us went abroad over the summer. Something Eden rarely did anymore. While missing him was part of the reason I was standing outside the gates of his house (even if I didn't want to admit it), I did have another motive. All he had done was say sorry since last week. There was no closure in that. I pressed the buzzer on the intercom.
It hummed repeatedly for a few seconds, but I got nothing. Victor Quinn probably wasn't in, even if my form teacher thought he'd left early. If Eden was upstairs in his room there was a chance he couldn't hear the buzzer. There was a large area for the sound to travel. I hit it again.
This time a button flashed.
"It's me... Marie." I muttered awkwardly into it as I always did, and the gates started to open. As usual, I made it to the house before they had even finished. The front door hadn't been left open like Eden always did for me. My heart pumped faster at the sudden panic that maybe it had actually been Victor Quinn who opened the gates for me. I knocked nervously.
To my relief, it wasn't the headteacher who opened the door. It wasn't Eden either. I recognised the woman on the other side of the door. It was the cleaner. She nodded at me politely and moved so I could come inside.
I could see her cleaning supplies in the hallway and I guiltily took my shoes off before proceeding down the corridor. Something I knew Eden didn't do because I had to scold him into doing it. Though she had never commented on it, I could always see a little bit of spite in her eyes.
"Um..." I muttered, as the lady began to go back to her work. "Do you know if Eden's in?"
"In his room, I think." She answered, her eastern European accent was think but I didn't know where it was from. Nobody told me and I had never asked.
I thanked her. She always made me nervous because she never smiled, not just that, she looked actively unhappy. I wonder if the mood from the house reflected onto her. She didn't even smile at her son, who couldn't have been older than eight, only ever scolded him about how to behave while he was here. Today he was politely at the dining table. He had a phone jammed between his hands and he watched the screen intently. He looked at me for only a second. I thought it would nice for him to play in the garden, rather than staring at that screen the whole time, the garden was huge. But I suppose it was getting too cold for that.
Eden wouldn't be expecting me at all. I was beginning to regret not going home first and getting my phone so I could warn him. I might not have even been wanted here, although, I was unsure if I was ever wanted here. I took the risk and knocked on his bedroom door when I reached it.
"Who is it?"
"Marie." I replied. "Can I...?"
"Yeah."
I opened the door to find Eden sitting at his desk opposite, unsurprisingly. It was like him to be spending his exclusion doing work rather than taking a break. I bet Victor Quinn hadn't even told him to.
"You don't have to come here, you know." He said, turning half way in his chair to almost face me. He rested one arm on the back. "Or was there something you wanted?"
"I have a letter."
"A letter?" I tiny bit of disbelief burrowed itself into his voice.
I nodded and began riffling through my bag for it. I moved closer to hand it to him. Eden took one look before lowering it so he could see me.
"I think this could have waited until tomorrow."
"Probably."
He didn't say anything, just stared at the letter pretending to read it. It wasn't even good acting, he stared at one spot the whole time. But eventually he sighed, and said:
"Sorry. Do you want to stay?"
"Can I?"
"Of course." He said, politely rather than friendly, even if he hadn't meant to.
I perched myself on the edge of his bed while he turned back to his desk. It was silent as he finished whatever he was doing and shut his notebook. The quiet wasn't unusual. Though, the fact I thought about it proved something was wrong. I looked around the room I'd barely been in since I was little, it had changed quite a bit. There were no longer any toys or children's book. The wallpaper and floor was same. I thought the carpet was a nice shade of navy blue, but the walls were so bright they spoilt it. It was almost like an insane asylum. He had a very mature looking bookcase that wasn't there last time I came in here. It was full of books I recognised since I had them too, for school, and various others. Eden had gone through a spontaneous sci-fi phase the year we started school, but there was no evidence of that on the bookshelf now.
"What has it been like this week?" He asked.
"Oh, you know, really fun. A helicopter landed in the field and Theresa May was in it."
Eden just looked at me, unamused. That was okay, I didn't find it funny either. I hadn't even planned to say it.
"It's been quiet." I finally admitted honestly, "And strange, most of all boring."
Eden looked back at his desk. He picked up an elastic band and started fiddling with it. I watched curiously, like I'd never seen a elastic band before. More accurately, it wasn't often I saw Eden do something like this.
"Sorry. It's my fault it's like that."
"Stop saying that."
"Stop saying what?"
"That you're sorry."
"Sorry." He repeated, more sarcastically that time.
Another period of quiet made me impatient and frustrated. At least it gave me the courage to say:
"It's not all your fault, you know."
"How is it not?"
"Sidney must have said something to... trigger that."
"It doesn't justify me hitting him."
"Really? He can be annoying." I joked, but Eden didn't respond. Usually he'd at least acknowledge me. Today he just stared at one hand playing with the elastic band, with his cheek resting in the palm of his other.
"What was it he said?" I asked while my joke still hung awkwardly in the air.
Eden just shook his head. Again.
"It wasn't... You weren't fighting over, about, our, um, relationship?"
"Were we arguing over you? No." Eden said instantly and extremely sharply. "That's what you would assume, isn't it? But why wouldn't one of us have told you if that were the case?"
Both Eden and Sidney were the weirdest people I know, even if they were on the opposite spectrums of what I classed as strange. Nothing would surprise me.
"I suppose..." I agreed anyway. "You were adamant you weren't jealous."
Eden hummed, sounded sarcastic.
"Everyone's saying that's why in school." I mumbled. "That you two were fighting because of... well..."
"And whose fault it that?"
He'd dropped the elastic band, then picked it back up. I leant back, sort of in shock that he'd so suddenly snapped at me. I should have apologised for fuelling the rumours, but instead, Eden said:
"Sorry. They wouldn't be saying anything if I hadn't hit him."
"No. That one is definitely my fault." I told him. "But they really believe it."
"And so do you apparently." He said, sighing. "Not everything is about you, Marie."
I couldn't tell if Eden was mad at me, pitying himself or being apologetic. He was flicking through the three like channels on a TV, but as if the button on the remote was jammed, not because someone was controlling it.
"I didn't say it was." I crossed my arms.
"Sorry." He shook his head.
"No-one else can seem to figure it out."
"Stop pressing it."
"You wouldn't even have interacted with Sidney if it wasn't for - "
"You? Again?" He said, then: "sorry. All that happened was, Sidney found out a secret, he guessed it, and I suppose it made me angry."
"A secret?"
"Yes, one that has nothing to do with you, can I add."
"A secret I don't know about you? That makes it harder to believe."
"It wasn't about you, Marie."
"If it's embarrassing to admit - "
"Can you stop asking about it."
"That it was about - "
"For fucks sake Marie, he found I was..."
I stopped speaking. Waited for him to continue, but it didn't happen. He shook his head again like he was having an internal conversation I couldn't hear.
"You are...?" I asked.
"Sorry."
"You are what?"
He stared at the elastic band. He'd pulled it so much that it wasn't going back to his original shape. I probably shouldn't have been surprised about what he was about to tell me. If Sidney had guessed it, I could have too. I could have left him alone and just accepted. Rather than forcing a confession out of him.
"That I'm... gay."
He spat out the sentence like it was comprised of swear words. His tone rattled painfully in my ears. They hadn't made it to my brain yet because I didn't want to process it. Which was the worse thing. Eden never told me what he felt, he never told anything. The one time he shared something with me, I decided not to care.
"Sorry." He said.
"How long?"
Eden's shoulders dropped and his head seemed to be getting closer to the table slowly, like there was a rope around his neck and it was lowering him. It didn't look comfortable, but I hardly cared.
"I don't know, forever?"
"The whole time?"
"Sorry."
I stood up.
"It's not like you liked me either."
"No... but I might have!"
Eden finally used one of his hands to catch his head before it smacked into the table.
"Sorry."
I was fed up of hearing that stupid word. I stormed straight of the door. I pretended I didn't hear him mutter "always about you," as I left.

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Just to be clear. Marie does everything wrong in this chapter. But if she's too annoying to bare, feel free to tell me.

I also hate writing awkward conversations. I've redrafted this chapter like 500 times and I still don't feel like I've got it right. But it is what it is.

Also, I have a big assignment due next week. If I don't update, that's why. If things go my way over the next few days it shouldn't be a problem and updates should be normal!