That Spring When Hydrangeas Bloom

10

"You are your own person. You do not have to live up to anyone's standards. You are doing good, Kang Hanna."

I leaned my hands against my bathroom countertop and stared intensely at my reflection on the mirror, closely examining my face for any traces of tears. This was one of the days wherein I felt like I was down in the dumps, unable to lift myself up completely as my dad's words kept on pulling me down further. Out of all the people around me, he was the only one who can make me feel less than my worth. His words alone were enough to break every piece of me that I had been trying so hard to fix all throughout the years. I wasn't really the type to dwell on what others perceived me to be, but with my dad, it was different.

I turned the faucet on and washed my face again, as if doing so would erase the puffiness of my eyes that were fresh from tears. I had another episode of breakdowns, one of the many I'd been having ever since getting myself into medicine. I grabbed a face towel from my cabinets and sat myself on my bed, wiping myself dry.

"Hanna-yah, are you still up?" I heard grandma from the door so I immediately opened it, immediately noticing the worried look plastered on her face that she didn't even mind showing.

I pursed my lips and let her in, helping her with the tray she was carrying. I took the cup of hot milk and placed the tray on the table, blowing the steam away in order not to burn myself as I took a sip.

The hotness of the milk somehow soothed my bothered soul so I blew on it more, desperate enough to finish it, thinking it could take away every pain I had. But of course, it wasn't as real as I believed it to be.

I sat myself beside grandma on my bed after I finished the cup, and upon doing so, she guided my head to rest on his shoulder as she held my hands that felt cold against her warm ones. I didn't have any more tears to shed so we stayed quiet, letting silence envelop every corner of the room.

"No matter what people say about you, remember that you're stronger than you think you are."

Grandma's voice was soft and womanly, enough to erase every pain that tried to cripple me again. I hugged her, and when she hugged me back, I felt empowered, like I can overcome any daunting hardship because I, was Kang Hanna.

"What do you need me for that you have to drag me like this?!" my mom exclaimed as I held on her arms, pulling her in to my closet. Seonho was going to pick me up in an hour and I had not even started preparing because I was at a loss of what outfit to wear. It wasn't a usual dinner; it was a dinner with his grandmother so I had to be at my best condition.

"I don't know what to wear!"

I ran through the clothes I put on the center table and massaged my head in frustration because I had no idea how to glam myself up for tonight. I was starting to lose hope now. I didn't usually have a hard time picking out some clothes on a daily basis but tonight, I was so tensed and panicky. Somehow, I was grateful my dad was on another business trip because I didn't want him to ruin my night yet again.

"Why are you acting all so stressed as if you're meeting your boyfriend?!"