Excerpts of My Thoughts

His Departure

"No," I gasped for air. My voice quivered. My own heartbeat deafened my surroundings.

No no no no. No. No. NO.

STOP. PLEASE. Please...

My heart wasn't the only thing that was racing. My lungs desperately attempted to keep up to my rapid ventilation. Tears washed down from my eyes. I didn't have the time to wipe them, simply letting the wind pick them up as my legs carried me as fast as they could. I forced myself forward, at one point almost plunging towards the concrete.

Don't leave me. Don't. I begged.

The opening of the doors of the train rang in my ears. I scrambled up the stairs. My knees stung. Inevitably, my knee caps bled at the speed I struggled to climb up. Tears pooled at the corners of my eyes again, blurring my vision. These will heal anyways.

Lightheaded, I knelt when I reached the top of the stairs. I pushed myself upright against the wall, eyes frantically searching despite close to blacking out.

Our eyes met for a brief moment before he looked away, surprised, almost shameful, almost apologetic, almost regretful. Almost. Yet, he turned away, stepping inside.

I steadied myself, my chest still heaving. The station announcer came on. The train started to move. The girl reflected off of the windows on the train began to sprint though she knew she was unequivocally no match. Through her clouded vision, their eyes met again, for only an instant. The corners of his lips turn slightly upward despite the pain in his eyes.

Don't leave me.

Not you too.

The train sped forward. The sky burned orange. He departed. I collapsed. My broken sobs rang in my ears.

"You promised..." I croaked out. The lump in my throat leaves me suffocating.

- Feb 12, 21