Mon Étoile

Chapter Nine

Trigger Warning (mentions of physical abuse; bold at beginning and end of part)

Trigger Warning (mentions of death; italicized at the beginning and end of part)

With a sigh, I leaned my head against the wall behind my bed, unable to focus on the book in my lap. It had been three hours since my argument with Hercule and I was far from compelled to speak to him, but my anger had cleared and I was seeing everything much more clearly. I could see now that I was being petty by ignoring him and I had gone too far bringing in his past, but then again he was also in the wrong.

Now was just the question of if I would seek him out or wait for him to come to me. I wasn't really angry with him anymore, but I also wasn't pleased with him. Around four in the morning, I was still up, staring out the window at the streets of Paris and the stars above. My partially opened door was further opened as I sat melancholily staring at the stars. The mattress shifted as Hercule sat down at the edge of the bed.

His stare burned into me before he shifted his gaze to the stars. His voice cracking slightly, he asked, "Can we talk? Please?" Glancing at him, I saw that he looked a mess. His hair was in complete disarray and his shirt was only partially buttoned, giving me a glimpse of his toned chest. I quickly averted my eyes and nodded. "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you and I shouldn't have lied to you." I nodded slowly, staring off into space. "Can you please just say something?"

After a moment, I asked, "Why?"

"Why what?"

"You apologized for it, but...why were you lying to me?" I asked.

With a sigh, he admitted, "When you were sick I was so scared, Nico. I was scared of losing you and never being able to talk to you again, laugh together again. I thought if I could distance you from the revolution then you'd be safe."

"Mon amour, you can't protect me from the world," I said, grabbing his hand. "Nothing that happened was your fault. You have to believe that."

"If you had been in there another day, another hour you could've died and it would have been my fault," he said, tears beginning to stream down his cheeks. Shifting slightly, I wrapped my arms around him and he buried his head in my shoulder, his arms around my waist, shaking slightly.

"Mon étoile," (my star) I whispered comfortingly, beginning to run my fingers through his hair. I whispered comfortingly to him while continuing to play with his hair. Eventually, he calmed and the tears and shaking stopped.

Pulling away from me slightly he said, "I love you so much."

"I love you too," I replied. He cupped my cheek and soon after I felt his lips against mine. My heart rate spiked as the kiss grew more passionate. Before it could go any further, I pulled away, my cheeks flaming. Kissing my cheek, Hercule got up to leave. "Wait," I said. He stopped, looking back at me curiously. The moonlight illuminated his features, giving him an almost god-like appearance. Standing, I moved over to him and tangled my hand in his hair.

Without a second's thought, he crashed his lips against mine, backing me up against the wall and leaning down to account for my height. My breath caught in my throat as he began to kiss my neck. Cupping my cheeks, he returned to my lips. I felt completely lightheaded as he kissed me and my heart pounded in my chest from the feeling of his lips moving hungrily against mine and his hands posed firmly at my waist.

"Hercule," I breathed, speaking against his lips. I felt his lips buzz against mine, letting me know that he was listening. I couldn't answer, for not only was my mouth a little busy; I was also so enthralled in this feeling that I couldn't form words.

Pulling away slightly, he said, "Mon chéri." I hummed against his lips, moving closer to kiss him. Laughing slightly, he fully pulled away from me and asked, "Have you thought about the future at all?"

"Every once in a while," I replied, confused as to why he was asking this, all things considered.

"I meant our future," he clarified, his cheeks slightly pink.

Blushing, I said, "Every once in a while. Why?"

"Because one day I want to marry you, mon amour," he said. I started, staring at him as if he was crazy.

"But, your father," I said.

Pressing his forehead to mine, he said softly, "Je t'aime, ma chérie, et je veux que tu sois ma femme. Mon père ne peut pas m'arrêter." (I love you, my darling, and I want you to be my wife. My father can't stop me). His words were beautiful, but I couldn't allow myself to believe them.

"Hercule," I said softly, "answer me honestly. What would he do if he knew?" He hesitated, not meeting my eyes. Cupping his cheek, I ran my thumb over his cheekbone and said softly, "Hercule."

"He would disown me," he admitted. "Or worse."

"What would be worse?" I asked.

"I don't know," he admitted. "He has a violent temper, Nico. I don't know that he'd do." He sounded scared. My brave Hercule sounded scared.

"Hercule, why are you scared of your father?" I asked. He sighed but didn't answer. "You can talk to me, mon amour."

Trigger warning beginning.

Trigger Warning beginning.

"When I was little, he used to..." he broke off. Clearly, he hadn't spoken about this in a long time, if not ever. I stayed quiet, trying not to pressure him. Finally, his voice breaking, he admitted, "My father beat me." My breath caught in my throat, but I didn't say anything, instead choosing to let him talk. "It was right after my mother died. He had drunk a lot and I was trying to make sure he didn't drink too much."

Feeling his discomfort as he tried to make himself go on, I said, "You don't have to."

"No, I need to talk about it," he said. "I never have before." After a moment, he explained, "He beat me within an inch of my life. I was thirteen."

"Hercule," I said softly, my eyes filling with tears.

"Once he'd sobered and realized what he'd done, he distanced himself from me," Hercule explained. "My brother witnessed the entire thing."

Trigger Warning Over

"I didn't know you had a brother," I said.

Smiling slightly, Hercule admitted, "He's a lot to handle, but...he loved my mother more than my father and I combined. When she died, he stopped loving. He refused to let himself get close to anyone. He's a bit of a womanizer, actually."

Trigger Warning Over

"Must be a real charmer," I said sarcastically. Hercule laughed slightly.

"He's just lonely and too scared to love someone again," Hercule explained. I nodded, looking at him sadly. After a pause, he said, "Thank you, Nicolette."

"For what?" I asked.

"Listening," he replied.