At twenty-seven, YouTube sensation Ben Leonards is married to his work. If he's not whipping up lasagna with a side of science experiments, he's running statistical analysis of bitcoin during explosive behavior periods.
When a friend asks him to org...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"Where are you going?" I ask Ben's back. He's at the door. His hand is on the handle. I thought he wanted honesty, and saying yes to the sex was as honest as I could get there. It's been what, eight months since I've had any? And maybe I should've said something coy or less horny, but... Ben pushes the lock button on the door.
"No more interruptions," he says.
Freaking nerves. This is Ben, and I should have a bit more faith. He one of the people I can rely on to say what he means and mean what he says. Although the kiss brought some of my dreams to life, it also brought the fears. The insecurities. Sex with Ben at the end of our relationship was still with me in the lead. Based on what Angie and Tall told me, he's not been waiting for me or pining for me to return. He had a life and a sex life, and what was a discovery with me the first time around might no longer correspond to reality.
Ben's hands are back to playing the piano on the sides of his legs. Neither of us moves to resume the kiss. I want to get past this phase where my brain is in charge and is telling me how crazy and irresponsible and inadequate I am. I'd much rather skip to the moment I forget everything that is not related to satisfying the urge that has been eating me inside since I first stepped into Ben's house.
"I have one condom in my wallet." Ben slides his wallet out of the back pocket and takes the black and silver square out. Must've been leftover from Linda. Or has there been someone since Linda? Several someones, maybe. I never asked. He went on a lot of dates according to Angie and Tall, before he got back with Linda. Can it even count as getting back if he only went on two dates with her before?
"Amelie?"
"Yes?"
"Is it weird for you too?"
The hesitation in his voice is my answer. He's not trying to seduce another girl to add to his list of conquests. I'm not doing it because I'm just a horny. We are doing it because it's us.
"Very." I roll my lips between my teeth. "I'm still interested if you are." A sliver of doubt pierces my confidence.
"Very. I am very interested."
We step to each other at the same time and his hands are on my face, my neck stretches up to find his lips. The fury of skin against skin annihilates the awkwardness. The haste isn't agreed upon. We unbutton, pull, tug, step out of. The high of having Ben at my fingertips stokes my fire. The pile of our clothes on the floor is the only way to reach the state where the heat of his body against mine cools me. I kiss the freckles on his chest. He runs his knuckles down my spine and presses me to him. The bed is the only available surface for what's the inevitable next stage. In sync, we aim for it but our bodies turn the steps into a tango with dips, hands moving and legs entwined, not helping the progress.
The back of my thighs touches the cool material of the sheet. Destination achieved. The twin bed creaks when Ben sets me on it. He rips the packet open. My ankles lock around his waist and I my brain turns off. No more use for it. No more me. It's we. We merge, we are, we are back. We glide against each other and I bask in the feel of the moment. This is better than I remembered. My breath catches and I moan into Ben's mouth again. This time it's the longest sound, and it matches the sensations inside. I love this. I love him. How have I lived without this feeling? How I can't imagine living without it again. Madness. Not doing that any longer.
