Secret of a Good Bad Girl

Chapter 4

There's Laeva.

"Sarra, who are you?" a stern voice asks me.

"Sarra..." I say, confused. I can't see very well and my heart is breaking my ribcage at least sixteen times a second.

"Who are you really?"

"Sarra," I lie. I am lying.

"No! Who are you working for?"

"I joined to work for you..." I stay confused. I am Sarra.

"No. You work for the Office."

"Who? What?"

"Don't play dumb. We know all your secrets."

Oh, far from all of them. So far.

I have no secrets.

"I'm not!"

"Sir, here's her file." I hear a low murmured voice.

"Rose Nullaine."

NO MY NAME IS NOT ROSE MY NAME IS NOT ROSE!!!!!

I am not Rose.

***

I wake up cold, my heart beating furiously. I look at my phone on the bedside table and push the button to see the time. 2:48, it reads. I sigh and fall back on my bed. I'm exhausted, but my dream keeps me awake.

"What does it tell you about yourself?" HK's words surface in my memory. One time, when I had a horrible nightmare, I told him about it, expecting some kind of comfort but he yelled at me for being weak.

What does it tell me about myself?

The thing that would probably make me lose my cool in an interrogation would be a comparison between me and Rose. I need to keep myself from thinking that name. I've succeeded while I'm awake, but when I'm asleep, my mind is vulnerable and wanders into places that would take years to block off in my mind.

My dream also tells me I fear being found out, though I am doing a pretty good job at staying undercover. I can deal with a petty fear like that.

Now that I've completely analyzed my dream, my heart rate is back to normal and I'm back to my usual self: good on the outside, evil on the inside.

I close my eyes once again and try to hold my breath. I start counting as fast as I can. Once I reach a thousand, I let the air out quietly and take a deep breath, still remaining silent. The last time I checked, I could count to a thousand in roughly three minutes and forty seconds. I've never been able to get to two thousand before passing out.

I let the exhales of my silent, heavy breathing relax me and I push my mind backwards until it gives and tumbles into blackness.

***

"Sarra!" The voice pierces my dreams and I feel a hand on my upper arm and my abdomen. The hands don't have a very strong hold on me and I bolt up, reaching for the knife secured in the lining next to my right leg.

"Woah! Woah! Calm down." Drakey scrambles away from me. "Oh, god, you look scary. Like you could kill me." She laughs. A real laugh. She doesn't suspect anything except that I'm not a morning person.

I smooth my hair and curse myself for being stupid and forgetting where I am. "Why the hell did you do that?"

"It's time to get up, sleepyhead." She laughs again.

"Why didn't my alarm go off?" The first thing I did with my new normal phone was download What Makes You Beautiful and set it as my alarm. I grab for my phone and check the time, 6:29. "I have one minute left." I grumble. I fall back onto the bed and cover my face with the covers. What idiot gets up two minutes before their alarm?