Fireflies

16

It's been four days. Marina has been frequenting my dreams more often now. I grew agitated, inflamed by mystery and desperation to go far apart from those horrific memories. I thought I was better, I really thought that I didn't need to suffer so much.

That one time I walked around with Angie, a man had started to ogle over us from afar. Apart from hyperventilating on the inside, I started to lose it when the man, probably in his fifties, started walking in our direction without breaking away his eyes from mine. It was a relief when Angie scooped me away to another road in time for me to converge into fainting. The man's smug face had bothered me so much, especially when he licked his lips the same way Marina did.

Everything that reminded me of her, wrecked me to cause havoc from within. I despised myself for that because I always let her win.

"We're on the first school campus for today so once you see it, if it reminds you of him, you have to tell me, okay?"

I nodded my head, squeezing her hand as we walked to the campus closest to our town.

"Do you think this will work out?" I asked her, boiling to know inside.

Angie ruffled my hair chuckling, "Of course it will, and I will be the one to help you sort things out."

"Thank you, Angie," I managed to let out. "Thank you for being my friend, for helping me through this."

"I told you to forget him but I know you never will. Your heart won't allow you to calm unless you swim among the waters. I'm just here to make sure you don't drown."

"Okay, thank you."

She snorted. "Thank me after you know the truth about those dreams and Mark Lee, alright? Only then will I accept your thank you."

I nodded my head for the second time releasing a small smile, she had been supportive of my actions. When Angie knew of the memento and my dreams, she did not question me. Even more so when she got to know my story through Mom one day. Whenever I acted strangely or pull myself back from everyone, she would come offering her hand up for me to hold. She seemed like such an occurrence didn't come off as strange to her, as if she's already seen it before. 

I remembered that day when she hugged me for the first time while tears rolled out of her eyes.

"I didn't know you had to go through that, I'm sorry Claire," she sobbed. "I really am. The world has been so cruel to you."

When we arrived in Brighton High, my hopes plummeted for a little bit. We fled quickly to the next which was Evermorn High, which led to the same results. Forville High too, and even Scarlet High, which reminded me so much of Amber High. I'm pretty sure it was Amber High because I had it stuck in my memory so well that it would take me a malignantly shackling disaster so that I could come to forget it.

As we sat on the bus, I stared at the memento placed on my lap. I decided to read another page today, just so I could find the strength to keep on moving forward.

Possibilities

The blazing sun enticed my orbs,

And I stood still watching it unravel,

My knuckles tight,

My lips sealed,

My heart racing—

—I let my bleeding eyes enwreathe themselves in favored colors,

of the possibilities of knowing what the future holds,

and of knowing that it will forever remain a mystery until it becomes my present.

-

As we stepped close to Knightsorn High, my Mom started ringing my phone. I panicked for a moment, afraid to lie and pick it up. She had not approved my mission of finding Mark Lee, and she probably never will. The doctor told her so because these dreams were just my way of coping with life. I don't even care if she was right about my trauma, I just wish to find him, Mark Lee.

"Angie, what should I do? My Mom is bombing me with phone calls," I worriedly said, biting my lips.

"Do you want to tell her where you are? She will come picking us in ten minutes and you'll probably be locked away in rehab again."

"I won't be able to find him if I go back there," I shook my head. "I have to do this."

"People might say that I'm crazy enough to help you do this but you see, Claire, people sometimes need to believe in something invisible to keep on living. No matter how much people will go against you, if you think that it will not hurt you or anyone else, then it's better to give it a try at least once."

"Really?"

"It may be divinity's work if you believe so, no one would find a notebook and just start dreaming about a stranger too often, don't you think?"

"I guess," I replied, still confused.

Those very words helped me pick up my Mom's call. I did not tell her where I was yet, I just told her I'm with Angie and we were safe, safe enough together and are doing things that are not dangerous to me or anyone.

But she knew immediately that I was holding my tongue.

"No Mom, I don't wish to go back to rehab, I'm getting better, I swear!" I cried while on the line. "Please give me at least today and if I do find him, you will know that I was not lying."

"Sweetheart, I won't stop you. I'm just here to tell you to be careful. Please call me if anything happens, okay?"

"Okay, Mom."

"Come home soon," she said softly.

"I will don't worry."

As we continued hopping from school to school, the bus tickets we gathered began to thicken. It was a weekend so more people than the usual road the public vehicle. I would find myself gripping Angie's hand whenever something muddled with my nerves. She would then caress my back, remind me to breathe through it, and then I would come back feeling a bit better.

"This is the last school in the city so I hope it works out," Angie whispered next to me when we were on a bus one day. "Don't give up just yet, okay?"

I showed her a broad unguarded smile, grateful enough to have her here with me.

We walked side by side after getting off the bus, the trees with yellow flowers were in full bloom and I found myself gaping as each wind blew off petals down to the ground. We walked underneath the dazzling trees which I did not know the name of and inched closer to the school. The more I walked, the more my visions started to squint.

These very roads, that very gate, and the now visible school building made me freeze into place. I gaped, tears ran down my eyes, and dropped the memento I was holding with my other hand. I blinked a couple of times, wiped my eyes just in case I was dreaming but saw the familiar school grounds again.

But what made me try to wonder more was that the sign did not spell out Amber High, it was instead plain Xavier High.

I found the place I met him, this very spot where I got soaked and he offered to shelter me under his umbrella. The sad truth was just that he wasn't there like I wished he would be. Angie stood by my side seeing me cry in silence and it must have pained her to witness it.

I found it but he's still gone.

Mark Lee, will I find you if I look a bit more?