Mandos

Chapter IV

I spend much time with my family, we tell storys and laugh.

Nolofinwe cries tears of joy when he hugs his oldest son.

Findekáno speaks about his mother Anairë and Elenwe, about Amarië and Nerdanel, about Arafinwë and Earwen and about the Valar and the Noldor.

The royal house of the Boldor is reunited and I hope it will never be splitted up again.

Gradually the differnet family members leave and than there are just Findekáno and me.

I turn to him and want to say something. Anything to tell him how sorry I am for what I have done. He recognizes my struggel, lays his pointer on my lips and whispers: "Not now, Maitimo, it's too soon. Let's just walk a bit...."
I would've been an idiot if I had refused.

It is incredibly relexing just to walk though these quite halls. I can relaxe the best when he's around. But the thought that there is something big between us won't leave me.

Even though it's quite and relexed between us two, we are not alone. The two Maiars who brought him here were not stopping to be in our back.
Don't they have anything better to do?

Findekáno leads us to a bank on our left. I breath relaxedly and lean my head back on the wall. I am having the best time of my live right now but Findekáno can't relaxe. He breathes shortly and fastly.
"Finno, I .... What's wrong?" I ask.

He respondes with his eyes still watching his feet: "It's ok. It's just.... well I am alive but now I'm in the halls of death, with death people around...
It just doesn't fits."
Findekáno laughs with no joy and the two Maiar must have recognizes that he's feeling uncomfortable and they make steps towards us.

I lay my hand carefully on his shoulder.
He is here. He's really here!

"Should we....?", I stard to ask. The least thing I want is that Fing-Findekáno is hurt. But he says firmly and with sparkling eyes: "I can do this, Maitimo. It's just a new situation."

"Really? I just don't want that you...." I mumble but I get interrupted by his pointer which he lays again on my lips. He says: "Maitimo, it's ok. I'm fine. I'm doing very well, I mean it wasn't that good often. You're here. That's the best thing since I don't know a thousand years. But you have to stop to being worried about anything, Timo. It's all cute that you worrie so much about me but I am not fragil. I can't break in seconds. I survived hundred years of war. We survived hundred years of war. And look at us now: I am alive and you are on the best way to be it again. We always survive Maitimo. A reason why I love you.... because we've been go through so much shit together. Always together. It's always like that: You and me. You and me against the world, Maitimo!"

I love you. I want to say that to him, to everybody who wants to hear. I want to scream it into the world but I could just say: "I am sorry, Fing-Findekáno. I am so incredible sorry!"

He sighs and the emotional moment is gone. Incredible not good work, Idiot. Why can't you say the right thing? Just one time!

"Why aren't you listening to me? I'm fine!", Findekáno mourns.
I shake my head and response: "I didin't mean that.... or .... not just.... that but Fing-you have been killed just because I wasn't fast enough. You've told me often, really often that we shouldn't trust the Eastlings and I .... I argh ... l have left you that you had to fight alone.
I wasn't fast enough. I should've been at your side and..."

"Maitimo", Findekáno says.

"..... I would have gave my life. I would have done everything for you. Everything. You shouldn't have joined in the battel. You should've stayed in Barad Eithel where ....."

"Maitimo!"

"...you would have been safe", I finish.

"No! Stop. Stop doing that again. It's not your fault, Eru please. Don't throw your life away like this, I beg you!", he jumped up and gesticulates wildly with his hands.

I love you.

I ask: "Why not, Findekáno? My life has no value. Since Thangorodrim it's destroyed. It doesn't matter."

Findekáno hardly screams at me: "No value? Please Maitimo, don't let us have this discussion again. I..."

"You should have killed me when you had the chance! I begged for that! Than everything wouldn't have get that worse!" I scream at him.

He goes shocked and with big eyes a few steps away from me. The vailant king shakes his head confusedly and looks at me with wet and shocked eyes.

Well done Maedhros. Well done! You achieved exactly that what you didin't wanted!

I cover my face with my hands and moan.

Why do I have to make everything that comlicated?

"Finno, please. I didin't mean it like that! I'm sorry, please!", I try and slowly go to him.

Findekáno smirks sadly and whispers: "Yes you did. I am with my siblings if you need me."

He turns around an without looking back he goes with the two Maiars.

"No.", I say desperately and sink cryng on the ground.

----------------------------------

Hey!
Sorry for the long break! I wasn't that motivated...... 😅
But I want to say: Thank you for reading and for following! It means a lot! 🤗☺

I hope the next chapter will be there soon! 🥳

~HighQueen01