willbursoot angst

chapter 4

TW/ anxiety/ mentions of nicotine addiction/ self harm/ Ed/ flinching/ withdrawl/ TW

After thanking philza, he'd gone to his room and lay down. He didnt bother change- for 1 thing he didn't have any pajama's, and as another thing, he just didn't bother. He was tired and hed to think about what had been said to him.  It wasn't much said to an outsiders eye, but to wil it was crazy. Phil was kind to him, wasnt immediately demanding things, making it difficult to keep up a numb act. He didnt know how to react, phil had just met him and was way to kind for wilbur to morally be rude back.  Or, he supposed. It wasnt a moral dabate for himself, he just didnt understand. He couldn't understand. He didn't really know if he ever would. He supposed he'd had trust issues for awhile but he didnt know if he would trust phil. He saw how techno and tommy treated him, and he couldn't help but to think he would be more a burden of an addition to the family then anything else.
He layed still for about an hour until he decided he wouldn't be falling asleep quickly. He walked over to the window and slowly opened it again before he put a leg over, then the other, and sat there calmly. His arms were hugging himself around his torso, tapping his fingers against his sides.  He sat there for awhile until his eyes slowly shut,his arms grip loosening a bit, actually feeling as if he was about to fall asleep until another set of arms wrapped around him, pulling him back in a quick manner, making him panic.
    "the fuck do you think your doing?!" The slightly older boy with pink hair whisper yelled to him, making wilbur wince a bit, moving out of his grip.
   "Sleeping?" He questioned, slightly dazed from almost passing out then realizing where he was and correcting himself, ".. Sitting."
   Techno sighed, shaking his head, "i...  You truly are an idiot," he sighed, a small chuckle releasing from his lips before they stopped quickly, "um... Not in a rude way like- uhg, just, if your gonna sleep, sleep in a damn bed." He turned, walking away to the door then stopped there. "Night bro," and with that he shut the door.
    Wilbur tiredly stood, shutting the window then going over to his bed. He layed down on it then took of his glasses, setting them on the nightstand. He was beyond tiredness of questioning and let his eyes shut again before falling asleep
  (Time skip of waking because i dont wanna write about wilbur's sleep breathing.)
    Later when wilbur woke up, he layed still for awhile, thinking until he came to the realization of where he was. He wondered why so much anxiety filled his chest until that moment, remembering he'd been adopted... Again.. He had to think for a bit until he felt the familiar craving of nicotine, trying to drown it out. He slowly got up and walked out his room silently, doing to the bathroom. He walked over in front of the mirror before leaning down against it, running some cold water into his palms and splashing his face. He was trying to make his sences focus on anything that wasn't the lack of the highly addictive drug, feeling the cold water on his skin feeling like waves of momentary relief until it dropped down, making his sences go back to the lacking. He looked at the mirror in front of him, brushing his fingers through his hair, every time a finger got stopped but a knot was a tug of distraction. Any noise he strained his ears to hear was a thing to let his brain focus on instead of the withdrawal.
  "I won't do it, i won't, i can't give in after 1 week and a half, I'm almost 2 weeks down, come on.." He whispered to himself, feeling his heart speed up to a rushing pace as he tried to shake the feeling away. He slowly lifted his sleeve and starred at his arm, he'd done nothing like cutting or smoking to ease himself for one and a half weeks, he was doing well- he'd had anxiety attacks, panic attacks, hell he flinched when someone said his name- but he hasn't given in, he couldn't now, he was doing good.
   He swallowed before setting his sleeve back down and walked out the bathroom, immediately re-entering his room and shutting the door behind him, sitting down at his desk and running his fingers through his hair over and over. He couldn't give in and he wouldn't give in. That's what he told himself at least, he couldn't and he wouldn't. He slowly glanced over and grabbed his phone, tapping the back of it over and over while he turned it on and looked atnthe apps, debating on what to use. He starred at it until he decided on twitter.
     He scrolled for what was most likely hours until his phone screen switched to his 5am alarm, making him sigh and turn it off. He went to the camera app on his phone before looking over himself, checking to make sure he didnt look like complete shit before going to the bathroom to wash his face again, brush his teeth, Etc. Afterwards he went back in his room and changed into a soft blue long sleeve shirt, white jeans, his boots, a black beanie and again, his trench coat. He didn't like to seperate from his trench coat saying as it was something he remembered his parents with. It almost felt like he was never alone when he had it. He didn't assume he had any sort of seperation Anxiety, but this sorta stormed his thoughts toward it. He shrugged the thought away, buttoning up his trench coat before pulling out his phone again and looking at the time. '5:36am'. He sighed and tapped his foot a little bit, thinking before turning done music on, on his phone and listening through some ear buds then grabbing one of the books techno had let him barrow and opening it. He slowly started reading, nodding his head every once in awhile to the music playing at his ears.
      He'd thought barely any time had passed until he finally looked down at the page number. 328. His eyes widened and he grabbed his phone, looking at the time. Fuck. '11:08 am'. He quickly marked the page with a sticky note before checking how he looked with his phone camera and walking out his room, slowly making his way to the kitchen. He was immediately spotted by Phil who gave a welcoming smile before he spoke.
     "Hey, there's some breakfast on the table for you, did you sleep well?" Phil questioned, to which wilbur nodded and sat down in his spot.
     Wilbur didn't know why tho he rather wanted to say he'd been up for awhile tho decided to give the simple answer, "yeah, i slept good. And Thank you, the food looks really good,"
   Phil smiled and nodded toward him while wil ate.  When wil sat down, he immediately noticed the other two spots with dirtied plates, taking note of his surroundings.  He ate a bit, getting full quickly before standing and grabing all three plates. He walked over to the trash and scraped them clean, flinching when ge felt something at his shoulder, quickly turning and moving back a bit, only to see a smiling phil. "Thanks mate, apreciate it kid," he took the plates from wil then walked back over to the sink. Wil sighed quietly before continuing to go back to his room, his place on the board..
    Once back in his room, he sat back down and started to read again. He found that he enjoyed the sanctuary of his room more then socializing with his... The family throughout the house. Sure, he would've enjoyed speaking and hanging out with them, tho he simply didn't have the trust in him to do so, besides, his room was where he could be by himself, alone, unbothered. It was nice. He stayed there for awhile until there was a knock at his door, making him look up.
   "C-.. Come in." He spoke with hesitancy, his thumb marking the place in his book.
    The door nob turned before the door opened, revealing techno who walked in, giving a eave before awkwardly speaking, "hey, so dad wanted you to go out to the living room.. Something to do with school i think."
    Wilbur nodded before marking the page and fallowing techno out into the living room. Phil smiled to him before speaking.
    "Hey wilbur, so since its currently sunday, we can go to the school tomarrow and register you, after that it'll be 1 or 2 days until you really start." Phill said all of this and wilbur nodded, letting phil go on speaking. "Well, since you'll be going to the new school, i was wondering if you'd like to go to the store to get ya' some new clothes."
     Wilburs eyes widened a bit before he quickly spoke, "thats re-really alright.. I have a few outfits as it is, you dont need to use your money on me," he had raised his hands a bit, like one would do in a defensive position.
   Philza chuckled softly before going on, "i want to, really, and if it makes you feel better i find it about due time that tommy and techno upgrade their closets as well." Wilbur slowly nodded, figuring out he couldn't argue with the elder male.
   Techno cut in instead, "ok, woah woah woah, did you just call my clothes distasteful?" Techno said,seamingly- no, definitely offended.
   Phil sighed, shaking his head, "no tech, I'm well aware that you are very stylish, and puck your clothing Betty carefully," he face palmed, tho techno wasn't convinced.
   "Excuse Me, but that did not sound honest," he huffed, crossing his arms, meanwhile wilbur had gone on his phone and was looking for something until finally finding it and then looking back at techno's outfit.
     He hummed then spoke, "so... You, the anarchist, really like monarch clothing, huh.." He was more so mumbling to himself until techno replied.
    "Yeah, it's called style, duh, just because i hate the government doesn't mean a hate a good outfit," he tapped his foot.
    "So you agree you are stylish?" Wilbur questioned.
    "Yes..?"
    "So you agree to what Phil said?"
   "I didn't say that-"
     "Go find an outfit in less then 5 minutes."
   "But i need to color match and figure out what goes well together and what the occasion calls for and-"
   "So you carefully pick your clothes?"
   "Duh."
    "Then you agree with phil." Wilbur has a large grin, making techno huff.
   "No, i don't" he argued.
    "But Phil said you're stylish and carefully pick your clothing, which you confirmed."
    "Yeah but his tone-"
   "You can't confirm exactly what his tone meant."
    "It's pretty easy to tell-"
   "Well, as i assume you would know, in the Art Of War-"
    "Don't use my favorite book against me!"
     "Woah, defensive? I think i smell trickery-"
    "Boys, stop arguing, as hilarious as i find this, i want you both to go get ready, while i grab tommy. Alright you two?" Philza spoke up.
     "Sorry- of course, and apolo-" wilbur was mid apologizing to techno before the anarchist started to laugh and pat him on the shoulder.
    "It's fine, i enjoyed talking about the book." He laughed more then smiled, walking away.
   Wilbur kept this moment in mind before giving a wave to Phil before walking back to his room. Once there he sighed and sat down. This was starting to feel like a home.. To quick.. How? He usually took a week, sometimes two to even get used to the people around him, much less thinking about actually trusting them.. But who knows.. After some time passes..

  Could this be home?

////
Hey, so as always if you see i missed a trigger warning, let me know abd ill add it and if you guys have something you want to read in the future on this book, let me know and ill try to add it.
Love y'all platonically, and im always here as someone you can talk to :)
✌