willbursoot angst

chapter 1

        //Tw; panic/anxiety attacks, abuse mentions, scars,
    //
Wilbur sat in silence as he stayed oh his matress that, in his opinion, was way to close to all the other ones that were taken up by other teens that weren't wanted. Why werent they wanted? Some had run away, some weren't all happy and joyful, but most of all, they were looked at as lost causes, and they were looked at that way because they weren't cute 5 or 6 year olds that's minds could still be molded for good. He was currently think of his most recent home which he just left a couple weeks ago. The scars on him hadn't fade yet and he was still jumpy to yelling or certain quick actions, tho he did a great job at hiding any sign of reaction, he had to know how, otherwise it showed weakness and vulnerability, which wouldnt go by him.
He wore a white dress shirt, black jeans and his trenchcoat, a beanie covering his slightly knotted hair, leaving only what looked nice hanging out. He had on his glasses which had a small crack in the right lense which messed him up at times when he was walking around indoors, only to run into walls, making it sometimes easier to walk atound without them. Who knew things being to far right while turning around a corner could effect you so much?
He sighed as he sat up when they were all called to go to the living room-ish area thing, him slipping on his socks then shoes before walking out the door, only than remembering today was another one of the days families and people could come to try and find kids to adopt. His eyes immediately widened as he was in no way mentally or physically prepared to meet and talk to loads of people. He swallowed and imediately started to quickly make his may to the bathroom, hands shaking at his sides. While he quickly walked, aiming to get to the bathroom as quick as possible, he accidentally bumped into a shorter man (which he supposed it wasnt difficult to see people as shorter since his tall ass was 6'5) with a white and green bucket hat and a long green jacket? Cloak maybe? He didnt know tho he panicked at bumping into him, to which he quickly backed up with what seamed, to the blond man, to be a fearful expression.
  "I am so so sorry i- i didnt mean to bump into you i just-," wilbur looked panicked at the man who slowly put his hand up.
   "Its alright, i wasnt watching where i was going. You alright?" He asked, to which all wilbur did was slowly nod, swallowing again. "Your hands are shaking, you sure?"
   Wilbur quickly answered the blonde this time, starring away from him, "yeah, i was just rushing, sorry again," he didn't give the adult enough time to respond before he quickly continued to the bathroom. The male starred off, watching wilbur as he left then gave a short hum of acknowledgment to himself before turning to walk towards the management office of the orphanage, only to realize he didnt know the boys name, thats when a kid stopped near him.
   "I dont recomend going for that kid, he's constantly is in and out of homes, people say he's a trouble maker," the kid said with a tap of his foot, making (screw it, yall know its) philza pause.
  "You mean- the one i just spoke with?" He questioned, making the kid nod.
   "Yeah, wil.. Wilbur, thats his name, Wilbursoot." He finished, making philza nod.
"thanks for the warning," he said calmly before continuing toward management. 'I got his name, thats all i needed.'

Wilbur quickly got to the bathroom and locked the door before he slid down it, shoulders shaking as his breath caught in his throat. His thoughts rounded as he shook his head toward himself. 'Idiot!' He thought to himself 'You ran into him dimwit! He was right in bloody front of yeh!' He struggled to hold back tears, chocking on his own air. He'd been having bad anxiety all day and this just had to tumble on top of it all.
He slowly caught his breath before standing again, only to see tears had fallen from his eyes, unknowingly to him. He heaved out a breath of slight frustration before walking over and setting down his glasses before putting his hands next to eachother under cold running water and washing his face trying to calm down and ground himself.  After calming under the water he looked up and cursed, seeing the bruise he had covered this morning was now uncovered, realizing the water had washed off the makeup. He backed up from the mirror, backing into the door again, about to panic when a faint knock signaled from the other side of the plank behind his back. He swallowed as he heard the words said.
"Wilbur, you in there? Someone said they saw you and said they'd like to meet you, is that alright?" It was a worker, specifically the one in charge of paperwork.
    "Y-yes ma'am, ill be right there, just.. A moment.. Please," he asked and got a responce of agreement, making him bolt back to the sink and scavenge the droors for any makeup, only finding eyeshadow and lotion. He cursed before slowly mixing some 'natural color' as females in the orphanage called it, along with white eye shadow with lotion in his palm. He carefully put it over the bruise, wincing everytime untill the tint covered it. From the lighting in the bathroom, he could tell the difference so he quickly washed his hands then put on his glasses and walked out, going to the official's area. As soon as he walked in, he'd put his hands in his pockets and looked down at his feet.
"You called for me ma'am?" He asked quietly, still not glancing up.
The woman smiled while she gave a hum, walking over to wilbur and dragging him forward.
   "Yes, Phil here was saying he was intrested in you, you two spoke?" These words made wilbur's vision immediately shoot up and look at philza, fear and embaressment shooting through him while philza smiled to him.
   Wilbur nodded a bit before speaking, "u-uh yeah, we spoke a bit," he said, trying to steady his voice.
   "Good, then ill gate papers settled with him for you to go-," the mistress was speaking tho philza was the one to cut her off.
   "If you're alright with that of course," he said, to which suprise ran through both wilbur and the orphanage owner, thonwilbur nodded a bit, looking away once more.
   "Alright then.. Wilbur, go and get your things while we fill things out." Wilbur nodded quickly before leaving the room for them to do what they needed. He looked down as he walked back to the room, going to his bed and sitting.
He stared at the floor, trying to settle his nerves for a moment before looking around, grabbing a few guitar picks he had then his sketchbook, his few shirts, a couple pairs of jeans, a hoodie then he had his trench coat which was on.  He gave a final glance around before grabbing a few of his favorite books he'd had, Art Of War Sun tzu, Grimm's Grimmest, and he finally grabbed his notebook. Some would call the note book a diary tho he rather call it a log book. Sure- its a diary, but he tried to simply get the info he needed to add as he wanted to remember things... Some thing he couldnt remember no matter how hard he tried, so he looked back to see it was a memory he didnt like. He finally started to colour cordinate pages blue being things that should be sad tho he learned from, red being things that brought anger or fear, orange was anxiety, but also few, purple was the color he used as a happy colour.
He sighed after gathering his things into a backpack then walked out to see the man named phill waiting nearby. Wilbur hesitantly walked over then spoke.
  "Hello.. Phill, was it? I hope i didnt keep you waiting long.." He spoke slowly, in a tone most would guess was a mono or numb, but others would see he was simply trying to hold back cracks in his voice and any quiver.
Phill smiled toward him, a smile that could comfort anyone no matter the situation, "it's fine really, dont worry about it. Is there anything else i could help you grab..? Is.. That bag all you have?" Wilbur slowly nodded to the second question and philza hummed before nodding, "alright, well i suppose we can get going if your ready."
   Wilbur nodded a bit again then spoke, "yeah, s-sure," he slowly fallowed philza outside, being waved off by the mistress while philza went to the car, opening the passenger door for wilbur who got in after thanking philza, who smiled with a quick word of it being no problem.
    After philza got in the car, he looked over at the boy and, when the sun hit inside the car, saw the bruise on the side of his cheek, causing his brows to furrow.
   "Whst happened? Are you hurt?" He questioned, slowly lifting his hand and moving his cheek to see the bruise better
   Wil was thrown off for a moment before he remembered and moved his head a little, "i just uh, got in a bit of a fight at school.. Thats all..," he looked to the window, heart racing as philza nodded, a bit before looking foreward.
   He started up the engine then began driving, "once we get home i can help you clean it then, that alright?"  He recieved a nod then continued, "oh, i have 2 sons there as well, Tommy and techno. Techno is a bit older while tommy is right under your age."
    Wilbur seamed to get a bit fidgety tho he spoke, "alright... Did you um.." He seamed to get stuck on words tho philza answered.
   "Yeah, they are both also adopted. I first got techno, then tommy on- well, not necessarily accident tho we knew him rather close before he was orphaned so we took him in, and i decided another person wouldnt hurt, soo, here we are."
    Wilbur nodded, then mumbled more so to himself, "so.. You arent just another peraon trying to get money and praise from the state... That's nice," he seamed to notice he spoke loud and went to apologize tho philza chuckiled softly. "Um, if i may ask, phil was it? Um... Why did you decide to.. Get me when i knocked into you?"
     Philza hummed then spoke, "well, you seamed kind and seamed like you've been in enough bad situations."
  "But you could've gone and got a little kid that would think you were there bio-"
    "And lie? Why do that? They'll get chosen anyway, no one goes after teanagers even tho they often need the most closure or help." That. That caught wilbur off guard, making him swallow.
   "I- i could've been just a total asshole tho, you didnt talk to me much.. I could've been a prick.."
    "And? Your a kid. All kids need home's," he paused, "even if they can be pricks at times. Tho, you don't seam like you are one, so im not worried much," he smiled now, which made wilbur slump down into his seat, he was confused. "Something wrong?"
  "You confused me a bit..." He sighed and looked down slightly.
  "What? That i care?" Philza asked, which seamed to be spot on as wilbur swallowed and adverted his vision to the window.