Let Live (Austin Carlile FanFic)

Ch. 39

*Stephanie's POV*
*3 weeks later*

"Mama? I need help." Damien said, frowning at the drawing in front of him.

I went over to the table and looked at it. He drew a picture of the ocean. A man and a boy sat on a deck and fished. It was actually really good for his age. "Wow, Damien. This is amazing."

He looked at me. "How do I draw a bird?"

"Where are you putting a bird?" I asked.

He pointed to a spot next to the man. "Right here."

I nodded. "Okay." I took his pencil and lightly sketched a bird that he could trace. "Like that?"

He smiled. "Yes. Thank you."

I smiled and kissed the top of his head. "You're welcome, baby."

I went back over to the kitchen counter and continued cutting vegetables. Emily sat in her high chair at the table next to Damien drawing her own picture. I sliced up a mushroom and thought about Austin. He would be coming home in two weeks. And then what? I missed him. I missed when he would come up behind me in the kitchen and kiss my cheek. Or when he'd lay his head on my chest while we laid in bed and talk about how our heart beats matched. He said it was a sign that we were soulmates. I never believed him, but it was a nice thought.

I threw the mushrooms in the pan and started cutting a red bell pepper. I looked up at the kids and smiled. Damien looked at what Emily drew.

He smiled. "That's a really good drawing, Emi."

She smiled and babbled at him, reaching for his crayons.

Damien handed her one. "Here you go." He said, turning back to his own drawing.

I knew they missed Austin. And I knew they wouldn't understand why he wouldn't be coming home. I felt tears coming and I quickly blinked them away. I needed to be strong. But I felt like I was falling apart inside.

"Mama?" Damien said.

"Yeah, honey?"

"Is dinner almost ready?" He asked, turning in his seat to look at me.

I nodded. "Yeah. I just gotta finish cooking up these veggies. 5 more minutes."

He smiled. "Do you need any help?"

I smiled back. "No. Thank you though."

---
*later that night*

I fasted Emily's diaper and smiled at her. "Fresh and clean and ready for bed."

She smiled and threw her arms around my neck. "Mommy."

I kissed the top of her head. "I love you, Emi."

She pulled away and picked up the comb off the floor, handing it to me. "Don't know how." She whined.

I chuckled and ran the comb through her freshly washed curls. "You're too cute, Em." I handed the comb to her. "Here, baby. You try."

She took the comb and ran it through her hair. She smiled when I smiled and then ran the comb through my hair. "Pretty." She said.

I looked at her. She looked so much like Austin. I took the comb from her and hugged her. Tears came to eyes and I shook my head. "Okay. Let's get you dressed and ready for bed."

She laid down and I got her into her pjs and then put her to bed. I went to Damien's room to check on him. He laid on his bed, fast asleep. I smiled and went over to him, pulling his blanket over him. I frowned and took the picture frame from his arms. It was a picture of Austin and I from the night he proposed. Austin looked at me with such love. It made my heart ache.

I set the picture on Damien's dresser and turned the light off. I went back to my room and picked up my phone. My screen saver was still Austin. He stood in the kitchen, holding Emily, smiling down at her. I unlocked it and pulled his number up. I stared at it for awhile, then hit CALL. It rang a few times, then I heard Austin's voice.

"Hello?" He said. He sounded sleepy.

"Hey. Did I wake you up?" I said.

"No. No." He said. I knew he was lying. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. I just put the kids to bed, thought I'd call you and see how you were doing."

He was quiet for a second. "You know, honestly, I'm not going good. I miss you."

My face got hot. I felt like I was gonna cry again. "Yeah, I miss you too."

Neither of us said anything for a long time. I wished I could reach through the phone and grab him and wrap my arms around him.

After a few minutes, Austin sighed. "Stephanie, I'm sorry. For everything." He was crying. His voice was shaky and cracked. "God, Steph. I miss you so fucking much." He said, crying harder. "I know you'll never forgive me but fuck, I messed up so bad."

I covered my mouth and moved the phone away from my mouth. I was crying but I didn't want him to hear me.

"Stephanie, please believe when I say that it was a one time mistake. It shouldn't have happened. And it will never happen again. I love you, Stephanie. You're the one. You're my favorite lady." He voice cracked. "I'm sorry."

I took a deep breath. "I have to go." I whispered.

He sighed and I heard a soft crying sound come from him. "Okay." He whispered. "I love you, Steph."

I shook my head and hung up the phone, throwing it on the floor. A loud sobbing sound escaped my lips and I felt sick. What am I supposed to do?