When Colors Collide (on Hold)

Why am i still alive?

****Tiana in the photo above****

As I stared at my reflection in the mirror I hated myself even more. I though of running away so many times but the big question is WHERE THE HELL WOULD I GO? The only family I had in this country was my dad, stepmom, and my one year old brother. I was a loner.

I was African Guyanese American and what ever my mother was mix with. I had long brown curly hair that was impossible to comb, my skin tone was perfect, most people called it quote quote 'light skin'. I hated when people called me that, its still black jezzzzzz. I had a body way too curvy and a big butt, which was what most boys noticed me for and I hated it even more that being called light skin.

I kepted staring at my big brown eyes. "Why am I here?" I asked my reflection as if it could talk back.

I was an immigrant, I was born in a little south american country name Guyana. My dad who I never lived with sent for me. All my life I never had a father then all of a sudden out of the blue skies he want me to go to America to live with him and his perfect family. And my mom agrees and ships me off to this total stranger saying I would have a better life, which was the biggest lie because leaving all my friends, family, my big brother and my mom was the best life I ever had.

I was the youngest for my mom, she had me and my older brother Tyler who was 20 years old. I love my brother, no one could ever make me laugh like he does, but we still talk almost everynight on the phone.

My mom is...... I don't know what my mother is but she was beautiful. She had the lightest skin tone that almost looked pale, with long black hair and grey eyes. My older brother took most of his looks from my mom, he was handsome and had her eyes, while I'm over here looking like BRUHHH. I took most of my looks from my dad except my hair and skin color. My dad was black with a dark skin tone and he always kept his head shaved bald, I think it was to hide his bald spot that he didnt want anyone to notice. He was born in Guyana also but he left before I was even born for a job but never came back. He fell in love with someone else leaving my mom to take care of me, but my mom said he sent money. But I dont care he wasn't there, something I will never forgive him for.

My dad was a hardcore parent. He was so strict it was impossible for me to do anything bad, I couldn't even go hang out with my friends, not that I had many friends to hang out with anyway. I'm surprised that he even allowed me to have a job or to be on the Step Team which was not in school. I guess he was tired of seeing me in the house, but he made it very clear that if my grades went down he would take my off the team and I tried very hard to keep my straight A's up because I loved the team, it was the only thing I love doing than reading, and I guess he liked me working so I can stop asking him for money all the time. And plus he made it very clear that I can only have a boyfriend after I have finished college but I dont care because my number one focus was school and getting good grades but, there was someone I liked but he didn't know I even exist so I dont have a choice.

"Ti Ti" I heard my dad's nickname for me making me snap back into reality.

"Yes daddy" I replied almost shouting through the walls of the bathroom.

"U better hurry up and get out this house before you are late for school" daddy said.

OH SHIT SCHOOL. How in the hell did I forget about school.

I burst the open the door to find a angry father waiting.

"Girl wah you was doing in dah so long" his guyanese accent came out as he shouted.

"I was brushing my teeth daddy" I said while rushing to my bedroom at the right opposite the bathroom down the hall from my dad and stepmom's room.

"Then hurry and go to school"

"Yes daddy" I said while entering my room leaving my dad in the hall way. My room was everything pink and sky blue because those were my favorite colors. I grab my sneakers collapsing on my bed to put them on, then I took my homework from my computer's desktop stuffing them into my bookbag before storming out my room.

"Bye daddy" I shouted running downstairs to find my dad sitting in his favorite chair infront the flatscreen TV, how did he get down here so fast did he run.

"Have a good day. Daddy loves you" he said as I kissed his cheek while rolling my eyes. If you loved me why did you leave before I was even born you liar. I ignored his last statement then storm out the front door.

It was early spring in Brooklyn. I love seeing the beautiful new leaves on the tree and how the flowers looked when they bloomed. I love nature and the outdoors it remined me of home. Guyana. Mommy.

I walked to the train station which was two blocks away from our family apartment building, I was wearing grey jeans and a navy blue t-shirt that say "GOD FIRST". I got it from church, it was my favorite t-shirt. My family were Seventh Day Adventists. They went to church on saturday. It was just like regular sunday church but on saturday ,which didnt make sense to me but hey who cares what I think or want. And going to chruch on saturday wasn't something you would want to bring up around people Oh hey what u doing saturday.

Oh u know going to chruch

Ohhhhhhh on a saturday ....u have no life......is what I usually get, but I liked it the people at church were kind and they cared about me and my family so to hell with what other people think about my religion.

As I got on the train and sat down I remember I have to go to work today YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS wait the my boss Noooooooooooo another day of Michael ,my annoying boss. I worked at one of the most famous restaurants in Manhattan 'The Kazu' as a waitress. The only reason I took the job is because I need a working recommendation for a scholarship I wanted to apply for in Fall. But the job wasnt bad I get high tips and plus I got to see him.

Thank u guys for reading please vote and comment how u feel about it no negativity tho. :-)