dahlia? (a loki fanfic)

chapter fourteen.

[a/n; 月が綺麗ですね | tsuki ga kirei desu ne translates to "The moon is beautiful, isn't it?" This phrase is a more poetic way of saying I love you.
An appropriately literary response suggested by the novelist Shimei Futabatei (1864-1909) would be 死んでもいいわ | shindemo iiwa - "I can die happy."]

"When are you going to explain to me why you lost the battle on Earth on purpose?" Dahlia asked, still very quietly, and not pressing at all, when a few minutes of silence had passed.

Loki looked at her, his eyes all big and sad again. "I didn't volunteer to attack earth," he said, just as quietly, looking down at his hands. "I was 'rescued' after I fell from the bifrost, into a wormhole, by someone....someone who is immensely power hungry and extremely...gruesome."

Dahlia tried to get Loki to make eyecontact while speaking, but he wouldn't.

"He's still out there." Loki said quietly, "I'm not sure how much he could see or hear me do while on earth, so I decided to not...speak on it," he met Dahlia's eyes for a split second, before quickly diverting his gaze back to his own hands.

"How do you know he can't see you now?" Lia asked, very hesitantly, and Loki met her eyes, this time not quickly diverting them.

"If he could, I would be dead for failing at getting him his infinity stone."

Dahlia nodded slightly, trying to figure out what to say to that.

"You failed on purpose knowing it could cause your death?"

"If...If he gets those stones, half the universe is going to be dead, Dahl." Loki said, before looking down at his hands again.

"I only spent a year around him, I'm certain what torture I endured is nothing compared to what you had to endure on Earth, but it is still...haunting."

Loki's head was hanging down a little bit, and his hair was covering parts of his face. Even when sad, he looked so much healthier now than he had when she'd reunited with him on earth. So did she.

"Is that why you keep waking up in the middle of the night?"
"You noticed that?"
"I'm an empath, of course I noticed-"
"I...."

"Did you fake your death to ensure he wouldn't cause it?" Lia asked, softly, trying to make him meet her eyes but he didn't.

He just hummed quietly in agreement, and she nodded, looking out towards the view. It was completely dark by now. After a little while of silence, Loki leaned back, lying on his back, looking at the stars.

Dahlia leant back aswell, and they stayed there for a little in some more silence.

"The moon is beautiful, isn't it?" Loki asked, very quietly, barely loud enough for Dahlia to hear.

She didn't turn her head or anything, instead she quietly answered, "I can die happy."

Loki turned to look at her, but Dahlia's head didn't move, she just kept looking at the sky, until she eventually fell asleep.

She woke up to Loki, very softly trying to get her up on the horse again to bring her back to the castle without waking her, but she woke up.

Loki didn't say anything, he just flashed a small smile at her as he realised she was awake. He helped her up on the horse, and he got up behind her, and they silently, slowly made their way to the stable. Once they got there, Loki quickly hopped off the horse to help Dahlia get off aswell.

Dahlia was still tired, even after the horseride back, and instinctively grabbed a hold of Loki's hand as he walked her back to the king's bedroom, walking her all the way onto the bed before laying on the polar opposite side of the bed.

Dahlia fell asleep a little before Loki did, but eventually, he managed to fall asleep too.

When Loki woke up the next morning, instead of waking to Dahlia still being on the opposite side of the bed, she was directly next to him, her forehead pressed against his shoulder as she snored.

He moved to get up, but Dahlia's arm was wrapped around his as if he were a stuffed animal. He quickly decided against moving, not wanting to interrupt her very peaceful sleep. For such a seemingly self obsessed person, this seemed fairly selfless, but Loki had always been selfless when it came to Dahlia. Always.

Dahlia was the one person Loki had met that treated her as an equal, not a prince, not a younger brother, but a friend. When he'd lost her, he lost his feeling of being at home, and now that she had returned, he was grateful, but it still hurt.

86 years is a long time to go without someone, especially if you think them dead. those 86 years of healing had been ripped open the second Loki accidentally viewed 'Patient Zero's files when he attacked SHIELD.

He loved Dahlia. He'd known this for a while now, the moment it really set in was when she was announced dead. Loki was generally not very available, but after Dahlia's disappearance, he wasn't like himself for several years. less mischievous, more...well, more sad.

He'd spent time alone, and spent time with her...well, his...well...their horse. he'd spent a small amount of time in her old home too, but it only made him sadder.

Loki had never had good experiences with friendships. the closest friendships he'd ever had, besides Dahlia, had been people who only spoke to him to get to Thor, and eventually ditched him for his older brother. When Dahlia 'died', it was the last nail in the coffin, and he completely shut himself out of the question for friendship.

Dahlia coming back didn't make him want to make more friends, though. Really, it made him just want to do anything he could do to make up for what he'd seen her endure. It was horrid, and he'd barely witnessed a fraction of it. What hurt him the most was her breakdown in the Asgardian Dungeons, because he was actually there, in real time, watching it but completely unable to stop it.

Loki, who was very broken himself, felt heavy guilt over what had happened to Dahlia, even though it was out of his control. He was still trying to figure out how she had originally lost her memories. Heimdall had claimed he could not see her, thats how she was originally announced dead.

Loki had realized by now, that Heimdall had either lied, or Dahlia was being concealed by someone better than Loki. Truly, it could be either option. Loki couldn't exactly ask Heimdall, seeing as he had fled from the Asgardian authorities after betraying the actual Odin when helping Thor and Loki get revenge on the dark elves.

Loki stayed as still as possible in the bed for a fairly long time, before Dahlia let go of his arm, still asleep, and turned around. He took that as his cue to get up, without making it awkward, and decided he would send someone else to wake her so they could eat breakfast together, like they did everyday.