Always Hurting (One Direction Story)

Secret Pain

WARNING: Detailed self harm, and mentioning suicide.

Louis's POV

It was midnight and I was laying in my bed staring at the ceiling. I had a huge breakdown after Liam and Zayn told me they were going to kick me out of the band. But then later they changed their minds and I felt a little better. I can tell they're still angry with me though. I closed my eyes to try to sleep but I kept picturing what happened the other day. Brandon on top of me, and me screaming for help but nobody could hear me. I opened my eyes and realized I wouldn't be able to sleep in my room... the room that it happened in. I was still hurt by what Liam and Zayn had said to me so I decided to ask Niall if I could sleep in his room tonight. But first, I wanted to check on Harry. I haven't seen him all day. I know he's avoiding me on purpose. I really miss kissing him, hugging him, seeing his gorgeous eyes, his sexy curls...

I opened up the door to his room. He was sleeping in his bed, the moonlight coming through the window was lighting up his face. I'd barely seen him since the incident but the few times that I did, he looked so sad. But right now he looks so peaceful while he sleeps. Even though he has tear streaks on his face so I know that he cried himself to sleep. I wanted to get into bed and cuddle with him so badly but I knew I better not. He would wake up and just become even more upset. I know he wants nothing to do with me right now. I quietly closed the door and walked into Niall's room, but he was gone.

"Niall?" I asked in confusion.

"Yes?"

I turned around to see him standing right behind me.

"What are you doing out of bed?" I demanded.

"I had a midnight snack. How about you?"

"Um, I can't sleep," I said awkwardly. "Do you mind if I sleep with you tonight?"

"Go for it," Niall smiled at me as he climbed into his bed.

I got into bed next to him. I felt safe in Niall's room, much safer than in my own room. Within minutes, I was asleep.

A few hours later, I woke up with a start. I was crying and shaking. I had dreamed flashbacks about the rape again. I looked around the room and realized I was in Niall's room. I looked at him to see him sitting up in bed looking at me with concern.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah... I just had a bad dream," I said, my voice shaking.

"I know. You were crying, screaming, and talking in your sleep. You were really scaring me."

Talking? What if I had accidently said something about the rape, and now he knows what happened?

"What did I say?" I asked urgently.

He shrugged. "Nothing much. You kept saying things like stop, get off me, and no."

I let out a sigh of relief. So he didn't know about it.

"What was the dream about?" He looked at me curiously.

"Um... it was about..." I tried to think of something that was nowhere near as bad as what it was really about. "Somebody was tickling me."

"Really?" Niall looked skeptical. "All of that just because of someone tickling you?"

"It was a really big tickle monster. It tickled me for ages... it was actually pretty scary."

"It sounds like fun!" He grinned.

"I guess..." I was taking deep breaths to calm down and stop shaking.