What's in your (he)art

Chapter 7

 Kiah was awoken by the ringing of her phone. She groggily felt around the bed for her phone, her eyes still closed. Finally, the cold glass surface of the screen materialized underneath her fingers. Confused, she finally opened her eyes only to close them again when the bright light from the screen painfully hit her retinas. After adjusting to the light she noticed a bunch of texts and missed calls. From Cate. Kiah's first instinct was to sit up in panic – was something wrong with Cate? Was she okay? Then she remembered. Her heart fell and she was left with a bitter taste in her mouth – Cate had lied. She had tricked her. Why was it that when Kiah would fenel even the slightest bit of happiness there would always be something waiting right around the corner to bring her down again. She wondered whether it was even worth it to read Cate's messages. How could she possibly get out of this? What kind of bullshit explanation would she come up with?

Fuck that.

Kiah put her phone down. There was one thing in the world that she could not stand – liars. She left the phone on the bed and looked for her tobacco to roll a cigarette. All that shit was making her irritated. As if the universe had decided to throw everything it had against Kiah that day, she was also out of tobacco. The brunette pursed her lips and puffed through her nose. So that's how it was going to be.

Might as well go for a walk.

Kiah threw on a jacket and a pair of shoes and went out. The sun had long ago set, leaving the ground to let go of its warmth. Kiah could feel the coldness radiating off the concrete through her shoes. It was grounding, but it somehow reminded her of her loneliness. Something about the cold indifference of the ground, of the weather, of everything and everyone around her. Humans think they are special, that the world around them is reacting to them, their needs and thoughts when it is the exact opposite. The whole concept of evolution is creatures adapting to the world. And for some reason humans evolved to depend on each other. And yet...there Kiah was – the loneliness seeping in, soaking her to her bones as she walked on the stupid street to the stupid store to buy stupid cigarettes. It was all driving her insane and all she could do was numb the feelings with whatever she could.
Kiah picked up a pack of Winstons (too distraught to even bother rolling herself) and was about to check out when a voice in her head and a tug at her heart altered her course to the alcohol section. She didn't have to think too much about it – Kiah grabbed two bottles of the cheapest whisky and tequila.
Escapism has always been something to bring Kiah comfort. First it was books – when she was just a little kid. Then it gradually shifted to less and less healthy outlets until she found herself in love with the bottle. She relished the warmth it gave her. It made the world look more inviting, more ready to accept the tons of love she had to give. It made her forget, it made her...forgive.
With one bottle finished and the other one's contents rapidly declining, all she could think about was Cate.

I was supposed to forget!

But it wasn't anger towards Cate that she felt. It was hurt. And along with it, she felt a growing warmth in her heart. Two contradicting emotions, neither of which Kiah wanted, both of which she had to deal with somehow. She got up from her couch and stumbled to the bedroom where her phone remained. Upon unlocking it she noticed even more missed calls and texts. Her heart fluttered a bit at the thought that Cate cared enough to bombard her with all that. Kiah immediately slapped herself mentally for getting soft.

C: What do you mean?

C: Oh. Okay, I can explain.

C: I was going to tell you, I promise.

C: I can explain, it's not what it looks like, Kiah.

C: Please, pick up the phone.

C: Let's talk this through like adults.

C: Kiah!

C: You're acting like a child, grow up and pick up the bloody phone!

C: I'm sorry, I'm just worried. Please call me when you can.

C: Kiah.

C: Okay. I'll leave you alone if that's what you want. If you decide to give me another chance, call me.

In a surge of anger at Cate's ludicrous way of apologizing, Kiah pressed the call button.

"Kiah! I'm so glad that-"

"YOU have absolutely NO right to call ME a child!"

"Wait, I didn't-"

"ALL you have done from the moment we met is tell lies and keep things from me."

Kiah could barely keep herself from yelling, her heart beating erratically and her head heavy with anger. She could hear herself slur despite her great efforts to sound sober.

"Are you drunk?! Kiah, I have my own life and I don't owe you any details of it."

She could hear the cold anger in Cate's voice. It was condescending in the worst way and it only angered Kiah further.

"Oh, yes, right! How could I forget?! You are so important, a Hollywood star, rich and beautiful with the world at your feet - how dare I, a mere nobody, ask YOU, your majesty, about your life. I am pathetic, right?"

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

Cate's voice remained cold, the same voice she had used that night after the play. Kiah felt a few tears well up.

"You don't give a shit about me."

"What? That's bullshit. You're drunk, you don't know what you're saying."

"No, I'm right. You have lied to me, kept things from me, played me. And I understand. There's no way anything could ever happen between us. You have your husband and I have..."

Kiah's voice became unsettlingly calm.

"Well, I have no one."

She chuckled to herself.

"Have a great life, Cate."

"Kiah wait-"

She did not wait for Cate to finish her sentence, just hung up the phone and placed it gently on the nightstand. Kiah tried to get up and go brush her teeth, but stumbled in the process and fell back on the bed. She could not feel anything but an emptiness somewhere deep inside and the nauseating spin of the room. She closed her eyes and drifted into a dreamless slumber.