to all my lovers

How i found out your dark secret

A/N: the start of every chapter is gonna be a diary entry as if someone... is reading them in the future just in case anyone was confused. (ALSO IVE ADDED A LANA DEL RAY SONG YOU CAN LISTEN TO AS I THINK IT SUITS THIS CHAPTER SO SO WELL!!!!)

Dear diary,

He used my broken pieces
To try and put himself back together
But you can't fix what's already broken
Right?

PRESENT DAY:

I felt numb, lifeless. Just lying there in a bed that didn't even belong to me. Nothing belonged to me. Not even my emotions. They belonged to Fred weasley, a boy who stole my heart and tore it apart into a million pieces.

The thought of even getting up from this bed pulled strings on my heart, I didn't even want to get out of bed for god sake.

And it was your fault.

I tried to lift myself but nothing moved, I didn't even bat an eyelid. I simply lay staring to the door handle wishing to escape. To escape anywhere but here.

Sweetness is mistaken for weakness.

My whole life I've been lied to, for years and years I grew up with the knowledge that my parents were actually my parents. But they lied. I've grew up with a curse forcing me to love and fall for everything and everyone. Sometimes it blessed me.

Cedric.

And most of the time it came back to bite me.

Blaise. My 'parents'. Fred.

I was sick of feeling anything. I didn't want to feel anymore. I didn't even want to live anymore. It sounds extreme but after everything That's happend I just want to fade away.

I beg god to gift me one day with angel wings, so I can fly far far away. And never come back. So that I can fly away to somewhere bright and white, somewhere I can see my mom. Heaven.

But now wasn't the right time, one day but not today. Besides i had my reasons for staying.

I had to find my 'reason' that same reason who yes have me grief sometimes but also delivered me with the greatest sense of belonging.

I was in a total state of paralysation. My limbs lay glued to the mattress, against my reasons silk sheets. But I had to go. Not the place I wished to be but to somewhere I could find my reason.

I hauled myself up in an oversized black t-shirt and quidditch shorts - belonging to my reason (I changed last night as he pulled them out for me to wear). The sunlight glistened blissfully through the strained glass window, the day was truly beautiful. The concept of life was too beautiful but also cruel.

I took small steps closer and closer to the same door I had locked contact with ever since I split apart my eyes this very morning. My hair flowed gracefully against my back as I carefully unlatched the lock to exit his room taking a final look back taking in my complete gratitude for this boy.

I smiled softly as much as I could since my heart was still beating in meloncholy.

And there he was.

My reason.

Draco.

He lay so peacefully against the common room sofa, his hair flipped gently against the pillow as he took soft breaths every moment. My heart beat a little faster at the sight.

The silence of the room allowed me a sense of peace, I just wanted to lay with him. I wanted to forget everything and start again with him. To start fresh with Draco. To forget my past and his and to run away.