to all my lovers

how i lost you

The pain grew bigger and some days it eased away but I sure was hurting, all I could picture day in and day out was the image of him with her. He moved on without even passing me.

He was meant to be mine but he wasn't anymore.

As soon as I confronted him I rand straight back to my dorm, and people knew I was in pain because when would I ever go straight to the slytherin dorms. I didn't want to see anyone, that was a lie. I wanted to see him. That was a lie again.

I didn't know what I wanted to do, all I knew was that whatever this pain was truly ripping through me and I don't know if I can bear it.

The tears continued streaming down my face as I gently shut my door closed immediately after sliding my back slowly against the door until I was hunched over my knees and the world went silent. My Cries could probably be heard from miles away but I didn't care, everything I did care about was gone.

                  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The days after I last saw him were blank, colourless, silent and dull. Luckily I didn't face any face to face communication other than escaping his chase numerous times. Whenever I would be in the great hall or the corridors he would try his hardest to scan the room for me.

And he found me, he noticed my slim figure from not eating for day and my gaunt face from the inability to care about makeup or even doing my hair. I always knew his eyes were one me but I couldn't bear to look so I ran, I was a coward. I ran every time there was a possibility of seeing him.

Until exactly 9 days after we last spoke I plucked up the courage, well hermione plucked up my courage for me to for once in these past days to wash my hair, put on makeup and look as good as I did 9 days ago. She even convinced me to eat something.

And she held me as we walked in silence to breakfast, I felt stupid being this 'dramatic' about things but I deserved to. The one person in this world who I would have done anything for chose the person behind my back whom they said not to worry about. The person who took everything from me.

I wore my black sheer tights with little hearts on, my chunky high heels, my typical extra short black pleated skirt paired with my tight fitted turtle neck jumper and my slitherin robes (oh and my staple black headband fitted across my pin straight hair). Hermione was exceptionally good at makeup and drew on my cat eye flick accentuated with my lashes.

But I didn't care less how I looked, I just wanted everything to go back. But I also wanted revenge.

The hall went silent along with the whispers of people gazing a look of awe up to us stood in the doorway. I heart whistling of course from crabbe and goyle who were very supportive of my distance from ced. And we made our way to sit with Harry and Ron who welcomed me with open arms knowing exactly the hell I have been through.

I tried my hardest not too look for him, but I was caught off guard. And what I was caught off guard by filled me with the largest abundance of sadness anything has ever filled me with.

It was Cedric. But not my Cedric, he was different -

His eyes didn't glisten, his under eyes appeared darker along with his ragged hair and his eyes not only didn't gleam but the exact opposite. They were filled with pain and utter desperation.

My eyes began to pool as I saw him in this state, he looked so gaunt as if he hasn't eaten for da-

No. He has no right to look this way he did what he did and can't work his way back by making me feel guilty. As the hall grew as loud as ever making me feel as small as possible he began to move. He started to stand himself up and make his way around his table in the direction of mine.