Savior

Not So Perfect

He strolled into my room like the important being everyone treats him as. He looked at my with his cocky smile and said, "Hey sis, how ya doin?" I just rolled my eyes, "Why are you here?" "Im here to see my mentally damaged little sister of course" "What, did mum and dad make you?" "you figured out my little secret," he stage whispered to me. I cant help but be disgusted and appalled by him. I used to look up to him. I used to play tag with him, and go to the park with him. But not anymore. Now he is like a distant relative who i never see because he is in university. Except for the fact i despise his very being, because of what he did to me 3 years ago.

Ian and I had a little play house when we were younger. We used to play house in it, or hide from mum and dad in it when it was time to do chores or take a nap. I hadn't been in that playhouse for years, until Ian told me he wanted to talk to me in private when i was 14 and he was 16. I went into the playhouse with him when my parents were off at a wine tasting out in the country. My dad owns a very succesful wine store, and my mum likes to go find new wines with him. The playhouse was much smaller than i remembered, probably because the last time i went in there was 3 years ago. I was sitting criss cross applesauce, a name for the way i sat that i learned in kindergarden, and i never stopped using the phrase. Ian was sitting across from me, looking anxious and guilty. The next thing i knew, he was on top of me, jamming his tounge into my mouth and trying to take my clothes off. So many thoughts were running through my mind. But mainly it was a question. Why? Why was my brother, my friend, trying to do this to me. Then i had to acknoledge that this was rape. My brother is raping me. I had zoned out thinking about this when i had a sudden burst of pain. The kind people talk about when they first have sex. My brother just took away my virginity, i thought to myself. I got the courage to push him off of me. I screamed, "What the fuck are you doing?!?!?!?!?!" He replied in a heavy voice, "I am 16 Autumn, I can't be a virgin at 16. You are an easy target." He walked out right after. He knew that i knew my parents would never believe me, because Ian is the perfect child, acing every class and even skipping the 10th grade. It has been haunting ever since. The guilt and pain and hate for myself because of that is what led me to start self harming.

Ian came over to the chair that Harry had left by my bed and sat down. "Now i know that you dont like me much, but i was very worried when i heard you tried to kill yourself. Dont do it again." And before i could react, he leaned down and kissed me on the lips. "I had forgotten what you felt like" Ian said before quickly walking out of the room. I was watching after him when i saw someone right next to the door... Harry.