treacherous - a jenlisa au

15 unsaid conversations

weeks have passed.

you've settled into your new job.

and for the most part, we've both kept it professional.

our dynamics have gone from knowing everything about each other since we were kids, to now only ever casually saying our hi and hello's, and wishing each other a good day.

it's funny bc you went from being my home to becoming someone i barely know now.

"jennie, can i ask you a question?" i asked as you stacked the documents i need to sign on my table while keeping my eyes fixed on my computer.

"of course, Miss Lisa."

you dont know it but i internally cringe when you call me something so formal...

"why?"

"sorry? i dont understand-"

"why did you apply for the job?"

silence.

against my will, i shifted my gaze towards you.

you were wearing a black sleeved dress, and laced heels.

beautiful, i thought.

im reminded again one of the reasons why i fell for you in the first place.

but with what you wore & how beautiful it was did not paint the same message as what your eyes screamed-

sadness.

longing.

im not naive.

i know very well why you decided against flying back to melbourne with kai- but my god how badly i needed to hear it from you.

"i think you know why, Miss Lisa..."

"-stop"

"what-"

"stop addressing me so formally!" i exasperated.

and it looked as if you wanted to say something but decided against it.

i dont think anyone will ever understand how i feel when i dont understand it myself.

bc i know i have accepted the fact that you'll never return the same love that i give you but also, i would be lying if i said i didnt hope for a miracle anyway.

and as i was looking at you- conveying all the words i wanted to say through my eyes, i remember that i am now with someone just as much as you are.

bc even when noze walked into my office, and in the split second that she had my attention- i quickly averted my gaze to you again...

and i stayed like that.

just looking at you.

as if memorising the features i thought i had forgotten- the same face i would study every night when you fell asleep in my arms.

was it too much to ask for time to freeze right then & there?

why must it be so impossible to stay stuck, frozen in the moment with you?

why cant i be with you?

why must the idea of 'us' be so impossible?

"...uh, hey love- i uh finished my shoot early today, and i was hoping you wanted to get lunch with me?" noze sounded hesitant almost.

our eyes stayed glue to each other however.

because while my head was screaming that this was wrong- that this was very disrespectful for jiwon & kai, my heart felt so at peace just looking at you.

like our eyes were exchanging the many unsaid conversations all these years.

and almost as if dahyun whose desk was just outside my office felt the tension that was slowly brewing in the room, she grabbed you & excused the both of you to give jiwon & i the space that i honestly, really didnt want.

"...love, is everything okay?" noze cupped my face.

"-um yea, sorry. lunch right?"

she nodded and gave me a lip-tight smile.

i returned her smile and quietly packed up.

"ive lost huh?" noze asked, defeated.

"what do you mean, love?"

"...you still love jennie, don't you?"

"...you still love her because you never stopped, right?"

-

a/n: uni is beating my ass right now so i am extremely sorry for the shitty updates lately :((((