treacherous - a jenlisa au

17 her point of view

"why are you still in seoul, jen?" jisoo asked.

"it's not like you're brave enough to leave kai and admit you love lisa back," she jested.

i stayed silent.

i was in my small rental in itaewon on call with jisoo in melbourne and i can hear the crowd bustling outside on a cold friday night.

"...right, jen?" jisoo asked again, with a hint of concern this time.

i stayed silent once again.

not because i didnt know the answer...

i was too scared to say it out loud.

i feared that saying it out loud will make reality finally sink in.

and as rosie heard jisoo sussing me, she pounced on top of jisoo grabbing her phone and screamed, "OH MY GOD YOU BROKE UP WITH KAI DIDNT YOU!?"

i opened my mouth, as if to explain but no words came to mind.

jisoo gasped, "OH MY GOD YOU'RE TRYING TO WIN HER BACK, AREN'T YOU?!"

i could now see half of jisoo and rosie's face on the screen- eyes pleading for me to just admit what i've been denying the last four years.

"yea..."

"OH  MY FUCKING GOD"

"HOLY SHIT NO WAY FUCK FINALLY"

i tried to fight back a smile.

i did it.

i said it out loud.

there's no taking it back.

"i don't know why it took me this long to realise..."

"or why it took losing her to finally admit to myself..."

"but i'm in love with lisa..."

i think deep down i've always known.

i was always annoyed at every girl that wanted her attention, and hated the few that got it.

when i watched her kiss tiffany, when she took her on dates or was her plus one to our friends' parties, deep down all i wanted was to take her place.

i regret not acknowledging the night we made love- but it was simply because i feared if we made us real, that it would make losing her inevitable.

and it's funny.

i shouldve known it would only push her away.

bc she left.

and today, i watched her run into the arms of a stranger.

i watched her kiss this stranger- and it wasn't the same kiss i watched her do with tiffany.

she kissed this stranger gently, with so much love.

as if to say she was her home...

something i once was...

"am i too late?"

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