Suburban Shenanigans

Part 1 of 6

Chapter 1: 4-month pregnant Astrid

It was 9 o'clock at night when Hiccup came home exhausted from work. He parked and frowned as he noticed the ambulance out front of his and Astrid's apartment building. When he passed the flashing lights while walking in he could see a gurney being wheeled out. The man on the gurney caught sight of him and shouted "OUT! I WANT YOU OUT! GET YER CRAZY WIFE AND LEAVE!"

The paramedics rushed the man into the ambulance as he was getting more and more agitated and Hiccup groaned. He had hoped that this incident hadn't involved Astrid.

When he finally made it to the fourth floor where their modest apartment was located he saw his 4-month pregnant wife, with their two-year-old daughter on her hip, talking to an officer while waving around a zucchini for emphasis.

"Ma'am is that when you assaulted the man with the vegetable?" The officer asked and Hiccup cringed upon hearing that. He cringed even more when he heard his wife say "No, I used the bacon first."

"Bacon bacon bacon!" Zephyr cheered from the position Astrid was holding her which did elicit a smile from the police officer. The two-year-old was looking at everything with curiosity and when she spotted Hiccup she exclaimed "DADDY!"

"Hiccup there you are!" Astrid said once she turned to see her husband approaching in his business suit.

"I'm afraid to ask but what happened?" Hiccup mumbled. It was 9PM and he was tired but he still took Zephyr into his arms and hugged her while Astrid gestured for him to go inside and look himself. When he did peek inside he exclaimed "Oh MY THOR!" Turning back to his wife asked if this was the reason Astrid had..........uhm..... Expressed her opinion.

"I called that man three weeks in a row when I noticed the water stain on the ceiling. Then it started giving off mold so I called again." She grumbled as she put her hands on her hipS while pointing at the mess in their small living room. "Today I came home with Zephyr and I found the place like this. HALF THE LIVING ROOM CEILING COLLAPSED AND THE ONLY RESPONSE I GET FROM HIM WAS THAT HE THOUGHT I WAS OVERREACTING!!"

"Astrid, calm down for a bit," Hiccup tried to soothe. "Screaming isn't healthy for the baby."

"A falling ceiling isn't healthy for a baby!" Astrid ground out. "And he refused to give us our deposit back! HICCUP I WANT TO MOVE!"

"Yes honey, right away honey," Hiccup agreed. "Why don't you go pack and I will finish talking with the officer here."

When Astrid was out of earshot the officer in question commented "You agreed very quickly...."

"Have you seen what my wife did with a zucchini?!" Hiccup hissed. "I'd rather grovel while being thrown into a volcano than face her when she has her mood swings. I've already experienced once what saying no does when she was pregnant with our daughter....."

The officer looked mighty interested and Hiccup whispered "I nearly got decapitated with cauliflower."

"Oh Thor, I've got to call my parents," Hiccup realized as the cops finally left. There was no way that they would find another apartment soon and this one was now less habitable. The only other option would be to stay at a motel or with Hiccup's parents. Hesitantly he rang the familiar number. It took two rings for his mother to pick up.

"Hiccup!" Valka greeted with surprise. "Why are you calling so late honey?"

"Uhm... well...." Hiccup said as he heard some music in the background. "The ceiling of our apartment collapsed and I was wondering if we could stay with you guys until we get a new place."

"ARE YOU GUYS ALRIGHT?!" His mother instead shouted in his ear and Hiccup had to keep the phone at a distance just so he wouldn't lose his hearing. "We're fine mom. None of us were home when it happened."

"Oh thank goodness. Of course you guys can stay!" Valka said before she mumbled a "Hold on honey...." Hiccup then heard his mother yelling in the background for Stoick to turn the damn Samba music off.

"Your dad and I will get the guest room ready." Valka then said. "And I know this great real estate agent...."

That was how Hiccup, Astrid and their two-year-old ended up staying at Stoick and Valka's home in their gated community. They had already been staying there a week and so far their apartment hunting wasn't going so great. The place was either worse than what they had rented before or way out of their price range.

One afternoon Hiccup came home early to see Astrid reading a book on the couch while both Cloudjumper and Skullcrusher, his parents' absurdly big fluffy dogs, lay nestled against her belly. He had to stop when he approached to give Astrid a kiss on her cheek as both dogs growled at him.

"Sweety!" Astrid said as she stood up and hugged her husband. Hiccup was already used to her mood swings. At times she would be overly affectionate and other times a misplaced avocado would make her cry. They went through this when she was pregnant with Zephyr so it wasn't much of a surprise. Astrid proceeded to drag Hiccup back to the couch and cuddle.

"So how was your day?" Astrid asked as she imitated a panda, latching onto Hiccup as if he was a tasty piece of bamboo.

"I was meeting with the real estate agent," Hiccup confessed as Astrid played with his hair. "So, I may have found us a place though it's a lot different than what we were searching for."

"Hmmm...." Astrid hummed as she waited for Hiccup to continue."

"So there's this house in the suburbs. A bit of a fixer-upper but nothing that can't be finished within a month. You always wanted a house instead of an apartment and if we take a mortgage then we can afford it. Mom and dad already agreed to give us some financial help if we need it."

"A house.... In the suburbs....." Astrid said aloud just so she could wrap her head around it.

"Yeah it's a two-storey place. The kids can have their own rooms. The bedroom is spacious and there is a place for a home office. You know I've been contemplating starting my own business." Hiccup explained. "If you went back to work after your maternity leave then I can stay at home and look after the kids."

Astrid thought for a moment. It did make sense she supposed. Her husband was miserable working for a demanding boss. Coming home late was doing nothing for Zephyr as she couldn't spend much quality time with her dad and currently Astrid did make more money than Hiccup with her marketing job. She was in high demand for several projects and had been mostly working on them part-time as she refused to go into the office as her feet ended up swollen most days. Also the frequent bathroom breaks were not conductive in her office. A mortgage seemed reasonable at this time if they were going to be living in the house for a long period. And truth be told Astrid did want a house as opposed to an apartment. Not having to deal with neighbours blasting music at all hours of the day or night seemed fine with her.

She must have been quiet for a while as Hiccup was looking at her nervously. "Alright," Astrid agreed. "Can you show me the house?" This caused Hiccup to perk up and he produced the paperwork with the floorplans and pictures. "We can drive by today or tomorrow if you want. If you like it we can put in an offer before the end of this week."

Astrid laughed. They might be getting a house. A house!

"Wait till I tell my parents," Hiccup chuckled.

"Oh right... uhm..... Now don't freak." Astrid quickly said before she'd forget.

"Huh?" Was Hiccup's only answer.

"Hiccup I'm serious. Don't freak but your dad....." Here Astrid hesitated for a bit.

"What?!" Now Hiccup's eyes widened.

"Your dad dyed his hair blonde!" Astrid got the news over with and she watched her husband's eyes widen.

"HE DID WHAT?!"