Suburban Shenanigans

Part 5 of 6

Chapter 5: 8-month pregnant Astrid

"Who ate my jalapeno snack?" Astrid asked as she rummaged in the fridge. Snotlout who was seated at the table sporting a black suit and red tie that morning gulped and quickly wiped his hands and mouth just to be safe.

Astrid looked up from the fridge door and frowned. Snotlout tried to look completely innocent but instead of asking about her snack she took out a block of cheddar and bit into it before asking "So another interview today?"

"Uhm... yeah.... It's with an investment firm. I'm really hoping to get this job." Snotlout started rambling as in the weeks of staying here he'd learned just how scary Astrid could be. "Thanks for not killing me," He said under his breath and he meant it. His cousin had balls of steel to live with a woman like this. A week or so ago Snotlout had drank the last of the almond milk from the carton at 3 AM and came face to face with Astrid who had been in the kitchen the whole time, just sitting in the dark playing with her knives. They were perfectly laid out on the kitchen counter, sharp and glinting in the small bit of moonlight that shone through the window. To this day Snot will persist that what came out of his mouth was a rather manly shriek. His cousin however, when he came down took one look at the scene and went right back to bed. Snotlout never went out of his room at 3 AM again.

Speaking of said cousin, Snot wondered where the man was. His question was answered mere minutes later when a very wet and naked Zephyr tore through the house shouting "No No No!" with Hiccup hot on her trail holding a towel and what appeared to be a pink bottle of shampoo while screaming "YOU GET BACK HERE YOUNG LADY!"

Hookfang who had taken a liking to lay between the kitchen and living room junction stood up suddenly as the toddler came straight at him. What the Doberman did next was run away with his tail between his legs as the screaming Zephyr shouted "Doggie!". So the morning started out with Hookfang being chased by a naked toddler who was being chased by Hiccup waving a towel and all the while Astrid was just leaning against the counter biting into a block of cheddar like this just an everyday thing.

Astrid watched the whole morning scene unfold and shrug. This was not because it was an everyday occurrence but even the addition of Snotlout didn't change the already chaotic mornings they faced with a grumpy toddler that wanted to sleep more. Taking another bite of the cheddar she wondered if she should maybe dip it in ketchup or chocolate, or both.

When Snotlout had ended up on their doorstep she was skeptical at first on letting him stay. Mostly she was concerned about having Hookfang around her daughter but the Doberman turned out to be a softy though he did manage to squish Snotlout on several occasions by sitting on him.

Hiccup had helped Snotlout with his suitcase out of the car, leaving the boxes for now while Astrid had gone back to their Range Rover and gotten the lobster dinner they had ordered. Thank Thor they had ordered for at least six people as Astrid got peckish at night.

Dinner that night consisted of awkward silence as they dug into their food and while Astrid was trying to feed Zephyr as well. The thing that broke the silence however was none other than Hookfang when he stole Snotlout's lobster right off of his plate.

Snotlout's indigent shout was what broke the dam. Astrid just couldn't stop laughing as Snot chased Hookfang to get his food back. It didn't go as planned, especially with the Doberman being bigger than Snotlout. The man ended up being trampled as Hookfang made his escape into the backyard with his catch.

"That..... Was.... hilarious!" She guffawed as she noticed Hiccup had taken his phone out to record the chase. "I guess the dog isn't so bad,"

"I love Hookfang, I really do... but sometimes he just," Snotlout shrugged as he settled back in his seat. Hiccup gave him another lobster while trying to get Zephyr's hand out of her cereal bowl that had milk in it as well.

"It's actually one of the main reasons I ended up in this situation," Snotlout confessed and that got the couple's attention. He started to explain that he, by ironic fate, ended up working for the guy he was roommates with at a small firm. Typical blue-collar job, just that his roommate was also his manager. They had gotten over that awkwardness long ago. Things turned bad when his roommate got a new girlfriend. The woman was cordial to Snotlout until she found out he owned a dog. Then she was just frosty.

According to Snotlout's roommate he learned that she had had some bad experiences with dogs as a kid and was wary of them. So Snotlout had kept Hookfang in his room when she came to visit. But after a few months of dating she wanted to move in and that's when she put down the ultimatum that Snotlout get rid of Hookfang.

This spiraled out into a huge argument with Snot's roommate taking his girlfriend's side. Snotlout told them where to put their opinions and left with Hookfang after his roommate threatened to fire him from his job if he didn't meet his demands.

"So I guess now I'm here," Snotlout said as both Hiccup and Astrid listened.

"The nerve of that man!" Astrid jabbed her fork towards Snotlout. "Did he actually fire you or did you quit? If he fired you you can sue him for wrongful termination."

"I've actually heard nothing from my job since three days ago. Though I've been living out of my car for two so no wifi." He frowned. Surely someone would notice that he hadn't shown up. "I think I'll just hand in my notice and find a new job." he then added. "I really don't want to butt heads with the guy at work."

"What a scummy thing to do," Astrid muttered since she knew Snotlout had had Hookfang since his Senior year at College. He'd picked up the Doberman pup from a box on the side of the street.

"What about uncle Spitelout?" Hiccup frowned. "Surely your dad could have helped."

"Turns out he's in Sicily with wife number five," Snotlout shrugged as if it was normal while Hiccup choked.

"Number five?!" His cousin asked aloud, eyes wide.

"What happened to that pretty model he married a few years back? I liked her." Astrid asked as she patted her husband on the back to make sure he didn't choke on his drink.

"She was wife number three," Snotlout shrugged. "Besides dad made his fortune from his photography gigs. He made it clear that a Jorgenson had to be successful on his own. He'd chew me out if I asked him for financial help to get a place."

In the end they let Snotlout stay with them until he got a place and his life back together. So far Snotlout was looking at jobs and apartments in the city. If he aced the job interview today then he'd be off to the big city as he had scraped enough together for a small down payment on a one person apartment. Astrid was taken out of her musings when a familiar screech outside drew her attention. It seemed that in the time she was reminiscing, Zephyr and her naked self had found their way outside and into a mud puddle. From the window she could see Hiccup try to drag his mud-covered daughter inside only to have mud flung at his face by the giggling toddler. The scream was from Mrs. Ortiz who had been outside watering her roses and covered her eyes upon seeing the naked child running around the yard in the early morning. Astrid smiled in smug satisfaction as the woman scurried back into the house.

She picked one of the frying pans that Hiccup had hung above the kitchen island and set about making breakfast. This however caused Snotlout to scurry out of the room to find Hiccup. Once he found his cousin, who was covered in mud and carrying a bundle of energy under his arm the shorter man uttered "Astrid is cooking breakfast. You know Astrid is cooking breakfast right!"

"Ah, don't worry, it's fine," Hiccup answered as he tried to adjust the squirming bundle but Snotlout wasn't having it.

"This is the woman that turned uncle Stoick's kitchen into a white floury mess! And then nearly set fire to the Christmas tree with her flambe!"

"It's fine, trust me," Hiccup laughed. "Astrid is actually a good cook when she's pregnant. I don't know how, I don't know why but the stuff she makes when pregnant is edible."

"Both of you are insane, you know that right? INSANE!" Snotlout hissed just as Astrid asked from the kitchen "Snotlout you want bacon?"