💫💀Drowning (rewrite) | Sanders Sides

Chapter 3

TW: self-deprication, nightmare, unintentional self-harm, headache/migraine/sensory overload (sorry idk exactly what to call it)

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Roman's POV, first person

Despite it only being a quarter after one in the afternoon, I'm drained of energy. Maybe I should write something to distract myself from the overwhelming urge to take a 5-day nap.

I grab an old collector's notebook from my shelf. It has the classic Disneyland castle on the cover, with a starry night background and the words "Follow your dreams" written above in fancy calligraphy. I don't understand how this notebook was meant for 6-year-olds simping over Prince Charming, yet not one of them could read the print on the front.

I grab a Beauty and the Beast glitter pen and open to the first page. The ink is blue, which is a nice touch.

Anyway, I start off with a simple, "The..." and instantly scribble it out. What a horrible way to start a story. For being Creativity, I'm sure even Logan could come up with a better hook.

How about a simple, "Once upon a time..."

Too cliche. Try again, Roman.

"Dear diary..."

Ugh! Can I be any more uncreative?!

Nope, I'm just gonna give up right here. I can't think of anything worthy of a whole page of a deceased tree's flesh. Both the notebook and pen end up in the trash can, which isn't copyright, unlike everything else in my room, in case you were wondering. It's just a simple black one I got at Home Goods because Patton insisted I stop throwing my trash in Remus' room.

Maybe I should just get some shuteye. It's not like I've anything important to do. I try to summon my alarm clock so I won't sleep through another meal, but unfortunately my nightstand is obliterated, so I wouldn't have anywhere to put the clock anyway. I form a deep blue nightstand with little white stars sprinkled all over it and attached is a tiny white reading light. Then, I set an alarm in my phone for 6 PM and set it on there, plugging the charger - which, thank God, is still intact - into the port.

But enough of marveling at my creations. I jump into bed, snuggle up under the covers, and fall asleep without even changing my clothes

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I'm back at the lake, no geese to be found. The lake itself does seem a bit more polluted than usual but I wasn't planning on swimming either way.

I know this is a dream. I know what happens when I go into that water. So I try an alternate route and walk away from the lake, climbing the fence that surrounds the field.

Now I'm in the void. Well, sort of. Remus once showed me this place, before we were split. Here, you could travel to any place in the Imagination; for example, Memory Lane. Patton used to have a house here, but he moved out sometime after the Moving On videos.

But that's not important, because I'm not going there.

I'm going to my garden.

See, when Remus and I were still one, we had a garden. It used to be beautiful and clean, with daisies and lilacs and cornflowers and bushes trimmed in all different shapes and a stunning gold fountain in the middle. But after we split, it kind of got... abandoned. Logan once told us that it was supposed to represent something, but we got distracted by a butterfly. We were, like, seven or something, and he seriously expected us to pay attention?

Remus doesn't visit the garden at all, or not that I know of, but I still do on occasion, though less often than before. I like tending to the flowers and fixing up the trees, cleaning the rust off the fountain.
I close my eyes, and when I open them again, I'm in the garden. Beautiful roses are blooming everywhere, except for a few wilted ones. I trim a few with some summoned pruners and, out of curiosity, I try to break the stem of one with my hands.

I snap the stem and instantly, a searing pain runs through my body.

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My head is aching horribly when I wake up. I look around the room through squinting eyes and surprisingly, Remus is there. He obviously hasn't realized I'm awake, as he's grinning mischievously while sneaking towards my new and improved nightstand. I decide to play along, closing my eyes until I hear him out something on the table beside me.

"Boo," I mutter.

Remus lets out a demonic high-pitched scream, which automatically makes my head pound, and proceeds to hide his hands and whatever he's holding behind his back. I flinch, but he doesn't seem to notice.

"Roman! Hey~" he shouts. I look at him unimpressed and he slowly tries to back away from my bedside.

"Remus, what's behind your back?" He looks around nervously and I sigh. "Surely, you weren't planning on pulling the same prank from this morning?"

Before he can answer, Logan pops in the doorway and cries, "Remus, have you planted the bomb yet or not? I don't have all-"

I cover my ears and clench my fists in a desperate attempt to block out the pounding in my skull. A figure rushes to me, which may be the source of a quick flush of wind coming at me, and tries to remove my hands from my ears. After a few moments, I allow it, and now I'm even more tired than earlier.

Turns out the figure was Logan, and now he's kneeling next to me, Remus in view behind him, still holding the item behind his back guiltily.

"Roman, are you alright?" Logan inquires, obviously concerned.

"Y-yes," I croak out, and it's no surprise that Logan doesn't believe me. What, with that performance, I wouldn't have, either.

"Roman, don't lie to me. Do I need to get Janus?"

I shake my head slowly and pull myself into a sitting position.

Logan stands up but doesn't let go of my hand. It doesn't feel romantic, but more of a friend concerned for another.

He studies me for a moment before asking, "Would you like to discuss why you had such an extreme reaction to my appearance just now? That isn't a very normal reaction for someone and I can't help but feel worried for your well-being."

"I just had a weird dream, that's all."

"Care to explain?"

I nod.

"Very well." Logan turns to my brother. "Remus, please leave the room. I will be back for you in a moment after I talk with Roman."

Remus nods, before saluting to me and walking away.

So Logan turns his attention back to me, and I tell him all the details about my dream, and once I get to the end, his expression has drastically softened. He pulls me into a warm hug, an uncommon occurrence, and I feel some warmth run down my cheeks onto his polo.

I pull away, and he begins to speak. "I'm truly sorry that happened to you, Roman. I have a theory as to why, but it is odd that this happened in a dream and the pain translated to reality. We can discuss this later. For now, I would like for you to get changed into something else and head downstairs for dinner. Janus is making spaghetti, for your information, but Patton has a backup plan just in case, so you have nothing to fear. I would suggest some form of comfort wear and take a shower beforehand. No offense, but you look like a..." he pulls out his flash cards and flips through them before adjusting his glasses and reading "hot mess" out loud.

I give him a small thumbs up and he nods in satisfaction before sinking out.

I don't have to energy to get up, so I steal a bit of Remus' energy, as we are still somewhat connected by the core and he has an abundance of it, and stumble over the bathroom in my sleep-deprived state to take a long, hot shower.

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A/N: what do you think so far? I have an idea for how I want to continue, but lmk if there's any requests you want me to try and include :)