Hello Darkness, A New Years Day Fanfic

Part 10- Awake

Nikki's POV

        I looked down ashamedly into my lap. I shouldn't have said it. I shouldn't have said it! Oh, I fucked it up, just like I fuck everything up! I'm a fucking moron. I shouldn't have said it. 

        "I- I'm just gonna, um, run to the, um, restroom. Yeah. The restroom." As I darted out of the room, I heard Ali call after me, but I just ignored her. I couldn't do this right now. 

        Staff, visitors, and the occasional patient all looked at me like I was insane as I sped through the plain, white hallway. Attempting to calm myself down, I stuck my thumbs into the pockets of my faded black jeans. I made a mental note to change them. I'd been too busy sitting with Ali to change them. It was Friday, and I'd been wearing them since Wednesday. Not once had I left her side. 

        A black door with a blue men's sign appeared in my peripheral vision, and I quickly ducked into it. Thankfully, no one seemed to be in there. Taking a deep breath, I walked over to the sink and splashed ice-cold water on my face. I sighed, Looking up from the sink, I looked myself square in the face. "You fucking idiot," I murmured. A train to jump in front of would be lovely right now. 

       I stormed out of the bathroom and took a walk to calm myself down. After 2 laps around the floor of the hospital, I decided it'd be best to talk to her about it. Anxiously, I approached Ali's room and meekly knocked on the door. A pissed-off Ash answered the door and pointed to a crying Ali. "Happy yet?" she screamed and grabbed me by the arm, pulling me into the room. 

        She violently shoved me into a chair at Ali's bedside. "Ali, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-" I began, but was cut off by a glare from Ali. "You don't tell a girl you love her then just storm out. Nikki, you fucked up reeeeeal bad. But, I like you. So, you're going to sit here and tell me what you meant." 

        I fumbled with my hands, searching for words that would, or could, describe what I was feeling. I had nothing, so instead I started ranting. 

        "What I meant? What did I mean. Well, let's start from the begining. Close to two months ago now, I met you. I mean, I thought of myself as a normal guy, and I was like, I don't know, someone famous. You were really mesmerized, and just like a lot of fans, it was really adorable. But I somehow knew you were... different. Even when I first met you. Then we started talking and something, like, clicked. I mean, and then the shit that happened at the diner, and all that. I went home and couldn't get you off my mind. 

        "So, I thought about you a lot and then I started getting those weird ass messages about that freak finding you and Ash and I flipped. Before I knew it I was speeding here with a fucking arsenal of guns in my backseat. And then that weirdo was trying to hurt you guys. When he shot me, I just felt helpless, because I saw you fighting him and protecting Ash and I couldn't be there to help. When he shot you, my whole world fell apart and I blamed myself. 

        "I was recovered in 3 weeks, and discharged from the hospital a week after that. When I was still recovering, I heard about you being in a coma because the stupid surgeons fucked up your operation. It really hit me hard, because I felt like I caused you to be shot and somehow you being in a coma was my fault. Most importantly, I couldn't be there with you. 

        "After I was discharged, I barely left the hospital. I ran home, packed some bags, and settled in for a long time sitting here. I've been living off one cafeteria meal a day and usually sending someone else to get it for me. Otherwise I've been basically at your side. It sounds kinda creepy, now that I think about it, but I really hardly left your side.  I barely know you, but it feels like... we were meant for each other or some of that sappy shit. 

        "So, as you can guess, I had a lot of time to think while I was in here with you. You looked so perfect and at peace in your coma, like nothing was bothering you and everything was perfect. I was longing for you to wake up, yet I didn't want you to have to face this hell we call life again. I spent a lot of time thinking about the meaning of life and crying my eyes out. Not so mister tough guy, am I?"

        I took a break to look Ali in the eyes. She was attentive, and seemingly moved. The tears left dried up tracks on her cheeks, and I reached up to wipe off the last stray falling one. My thumb lightly traced circles on her cheek, and I got up out of my seat to sit on the side of her bed. 

        "So... I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really do think I love you. I understand if you don't feel the same way, or you don't 'love' me because you haven't known me long enough. Just... I kind of needed to tell you how I felt. And I'm a pussy for running away, it's just rejection is my biggest fear."

        Ali smiled at me, and punched me playfully in the arm. "You fucking idiot," she laughed, "you idiotic fucker. You're so stupid, you fucking idiot. Of course I love you, dumbass! I have for a while, idiot." 

        I just looked at her, confused. "W-wha..?" She rolled her eyes. "Are you gonna kiss me or what?" I sat there like a bumbling idiot, trying to make sense of what Ali just said. "You really are stupid," she laughed, and yanked me down so that I was an inch from her face. 

        "Mister Misery," she whispered, before kissing me firmly on the lips. After a good 30 seconds, she pulled back and pushed me away. Her tongue poked slightly out of her mouth, and she smiled.

        "You- you confuse me..." I muttered, plopping into the chair near her hospital bed. "What else am I here for? Now, go take a break. I'm sure, if you've really been sitting here that long, you need a shower. I'm here. I'm alive. And I'll stay that way. Go. Text me if you want. But please, don't be too worried about me. I'm sure you need a break." 

        I nodded my head, and smiled. "As long as you give me a hug," I teased. She grudgingly opened her arms and embraced me. I kissed her on the cheek, and said, "I'll be back before you know it." Grabbing my keys and bags, I started out the door, and headed home.