Hello Darkness, A New Years Day Fanfic

Part 11

Ash's POV

I just kind of stared at Ali until both of us were considerably uncomfortable. After about five minutes of awkward silence and staring, I spoke up. "What the actual hell was that?" She just kind of shrugged, saying, "Honestly, I don't even know. I feel bad now, though. He's not stupid. I just... don't know. I get like that when I'm shocked. It's like, all defenses up. I've been that way for a while. " I shook my head and smiled. "You confused the hell out of him," I laughed, "with all of those mixed signals. It was actually kind of funny."

Ali smiled for a minute, but her smile faded quickly, "Was he really here? The whole entire time?" She bit her lip and looked at the skimpy blanket that covered her legs. I nodded. "Essentially, yeah. We tried to drag him out, once in a while, but he was miserable the whole time if we did. We had to cancel our upcoming shows for 'personal issues'. Your parents were here for about a week when you first were shot, but had to go back because of work and other things. We've been keeping them updated. After Nikki was released, he honestly hardly left. We kept telling him it was unhealthy, but he wouldn't listen."

A slight smile spread across her lips. "I think I love him, Ash, I really think I do, but I don't know how to do the 'relationship thing' anymore. Too many failed ones, and I'm scared to make that kind of connection with anyone. I honestly just don't know how to work it." Cracking her knuckles, she sat up a bit more and sighed. "What the hell do I do, Ash?" Pain shone in her eyes and was made all the more evident as tears rolled down her cheeks. She looked at me hopefully, but I had nothing to say.

"I don't know, Ali, I just don't." She took a deep breath and nodded slowly. "I guess part of love is the things like this- you know? All the trials and tribulations but you stick with that person because you love them. Without proving yourself through actions, how are you supposed to know it's not just lust? But I know this isn't just lust, Ash. I know it's something... more. I've never felt like this before. Ever. I, for some reason... don't feel right without him."

A small smile played on my lips as Ali fished talking and looked up. "You're in love. I can tell. Love like this doesn't come often. Embrace it. Love him like there's no tomorrow. Live in the now. Because, honestly, you can never know if there's gonna be a tomorrow. Fuck the past, all those memories that have been holding you back. Just... go. Live while you can."

Ali smiled and wrung her hands. "I'll try, but letting go of the past is so hard. I don't know where to begin or how to go about it," she sighed and cracked her knuckles. "There's just so much. So much that I want to forget but I feel weak when I push it away and it always comes back anyway. What's the point, Ash, what's the point?"

Shrugging, I sighed. Nothing I said could make an impact on this girl. "Listen, Ali." I set my lips in a straight line, my face an emotionless mask. "I'm not your god. I can't make you do shit. But if you want to be happy, if you want to be in a relationship with him, you have to let go. I can't tell you how, I can't tell you why, but I can tell you that you have to. That's part of it all."

Our conversation was cut short when Ali's phone went off on her bedside. She read the message aloud:

"Just got home. Im gonna eat something, get a shower, then im coming back. Dont try to stop me btw"

"Pretty adamant on seeing you, then, I guess," I giggled, "even after months of sitting with you? Now that's true love." Ali rolled her eyes and grinned. "Yeah, well, I suppose comatose Ali is much different from conscious Ali," she replied sarcastically. I shrugged, and we sat there in silence for a while. It wasn't awkward silence, more like an appreciative silence, and it lasted for around ten minutes. Then, Ali's phone went off again.

"Jesus Christ," she whispered, "he's already done in the shower and he's on his way back. Hes gonna stop and get food, since all his is spoiled." A laugh bubbled up in my throat and escaped my mouth. "He's way too eager to see you." I snickered, and she nodded. "Lil bit," she smiled. "for some reason, I'm extremely tired, even though I was just sleeping for weeks. I'm gonna take a catnap." I nodded and smiled at her as she drifted off to sleep.

AN

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