Intermission // Van McCann

30. Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way

29 March 2022

I had several false alarms the past few days but I'm certain it's happening for sure now. My contractions woke me up in the middle of the night but I figured I also had to use the toilet. I pulled the blanket off me as I slowly got out of bed, trying so hard to not wake Van up. But to be honest, I'm sure Van will sleep through the noise I make. He's been anxious since I'm past my due date and work has been busy as well. When he goes to bed, he's knocked out.

Getting out of bed is a ceremony for me so I take my time untangling myself from the sheets and trying to sit up, although I struggle with how big my belly has gotten. I sat on the edge of the bed for a while before standing up and making my way towards the toilet. My footsteps are soft as I walk towards our bedroom door. I've been told to not lock the bathroom door just in case so I close the door but leave it cracked open and I pull down my underwear before sitting on the toilet. I noticed my underwear was wet and I was pretty sure my water broke. The contractions came again and I stayed still. They were like bad menstrual cramps to the point I couldn't do anything until it was over. Once I was done, I cleaned up and washed my hands and made my way back to our room. I turned on the lights hoping that would wake Van up but it didn't.

"Van!" I hissed. I walked over to the night stand to grab my phone and I called the 24 hour number the doctor had given me. "Van, wake up! It's happening! I'm going into labor!" That seemed to do the trick because Van woke up with a start, confused as to what was happening. His hair was a mess and standing on end as he was processing what I had just said.

"Fuck," he muttered. He glanced at the time and it was 3:45 AM. He quickly got out of bed and began putting on his jeans and a shirt.

Someone answered the phone and I told them what I was experiencing. I told them how far apart the contractions were and I told them about my water breaking. Based on what I told them, they agreed I was in labor and told me to head over as soon as possible. Packing the bag beforehand was the best decision ever so we grabbed our stuff and made our way down to the garage where our car was parked. Van helped me into the elevator and I had to pause and take a break when the contractions were too much.

"Are you alright? Take all the time you need," Van assured me, rubbing my back as I tried to catch my breath. Once the pain went away, we slowly made our way to the car. Van put the bag in the back and he helped me into the passenger seat, closing the door behind me. He quickly ran to the other side to start the car and we made our way towards the hospital. He was speeding for sure but luckily not many cars were on the road and I was in too much pain to care. If I already find the contractions painful, how on earth am I supposed to handle giving birth?!

Van parked the car at the hospital and slowly helped me out. We were lucky to have put a pad under me because I lost more water. God, I hated being pregnant. We entered the hospital and Van informed the staff that I was in labor and they quickly took me in. Van stayed by my side the whole time, talking to me so I knew he was still there. I was overwhelmed with everything as the staff got ready for the procedure, hooking me up to every imaginable device. I already told them I wanted an epidural. Fuck natural birth! I need all the pain meds I can get. I don't want to feel anything.

As soon as I saw how long the needle was, I silently cursed to myself and called out to Van, who held my hand.

"Van, I'm gonna squeeze your hand so hard, I swear to God! I want you to feel the pain I have to go through," I told him through gritted teeth. That didn't sound appealing to Van at all but he stayed silent and nodded his head.

"I'm right here, babe. Do whatever you need to do to me," he replied, although his eyes were telling me to please not hurt him.

I was turned to my side and they administered the anesthesia. I watched Van's face pale; he didn't want to think about the entire length of the needle going into my back. Once they were done, I was allowed to lay on my back once again. The team placed a surgical drape between my head and my belly which worried me. I wanted to see what they were doing but it's probably for my own good that I can't see. The nurse periodically performed vaginal exams, and once my cervix was dilated enough, they told me to push.