Close to Toast

Chapter 11

Having the conversations of being shipped together with toast was hard. I'm not even sure if he's got the same feelings I do for him. It's been about a week since we had that conversation and I'm really starting to realize the feelings I've developed for him over the last couple months. Before we were even friends I'd catch as many streams as I could, I had his notifications for everything on like I was a fan but now we're friends and it's weird looking back on it all. Any moment I've thought about him I also thought 'what about Janet? Would she be ok with it?' And 'what would our fans think? What would our friends think?' And all because of those thoughts I've stepped back.

I'm currently on a week long break from streaming and gaming I need to relax. I know I just had a 2 week long break just a couple months ago but I need it again to focus and figure out my feelings and what I'm going to do about it. I put my phone flat down on the island taking another bite of salad. "Why me?" I whisper. Anna looks over at me from the couch with raised eyebrows "what are you talking about?" She asks. I sigh taking another bite "nothing Anna" I reply feeling a bit annoyed with myself. She stands up bringing over her laptop and notepad "what's going on? Why are you taking that break?" She asks.

Thinking about what I'm going to say I look down at my salad feeling so much regret "I don't want to get worn out" I lie. She shakes her head "nope you love streaming you wouldn't take a week off if you were going through something what's going on?" She asks. I sigh giving up "fine, I'm taking a break because I need to figure out my feelings for someone, and being around him during streams and gaming isn't helping at all" I confess. She raises her eyebrows "who is it? Corpse? Scarra? Sykkuno? Ooh is it toast?" She guesses. I bite the inside of my lip when she says toast "oh my god it's toast isn't it?" She asks. I sigh nodding slowly "yeah" I whisper.

She jumps up excitedly "you have to tell him" she says. I shake my head "nope not happening nope nope nope" I say shaking my head and taking another forkful of salad. "Come on you have to! He totally feels the same" she says. I shake my head vigorously "nope not happening, he doesn't we're just friends and I'll get over him in no time" I say going back to finishing my salad. "Get over who?" Comfort asks. "Toast" Anna says before I can tell him to mind his own business. "What? You like toast? Oh he totally likes you" he says. I let out a groan and shake my head "I'm not telling him, we're JUST friends and that's that" I say finishing my salad and putting the bowl in the sink before going to my room. I look at my phone and comforts texted me.

Come on syd you've gotta tell him it won't hurt

I throw my phone on my bed and sit at my desk with my blanket wrapped in my body and my headphones on. It's about 2pm and I'm about 5 days into my break and I've been really bored. I also haven't managed to get over him, will I? I'm not even sure but hopefully I do before I can't take it anymore. I scroll through YouTube and put on random videos to distract myself. I've been occasionally tweeting and replying to others. While I've got some music playing in the back round I go through Twitter again.

Surprisingly I've gained a ton more followers, I have about 75k on twitch and 50k on Twitter. Lots of people wondering why I took a break and honestly I'm not telling them the truth. Ever. I scroll through my dm requests as well, lots of people telling me they hope I'm doing okay and that I deserved the break. I'm not in many group chats on Twitter but they're all muted currently so I ignore them and look through regular dms.

@/Valkyrae : hope you're doing ok if you need to talk to anyone I'm here :)

@/Disguisedtoast: just wanted to see how you're doing