The Ruins Of Tomorrow

30. This Is Where The Road Ends For Me

It wasn't until later that night that I finally found the strength to open the letter.

I couldn't bring myself to even read the first line. A part of me felt scared, but I also desperately wanted to know what she wrote. I scanned the letter first, her writing filled the entire front and back of the page. I heard her voice in the back of my head, urging me to read it as I took a deep breath and looked at the first line.

Dear Scarlet,

If you're reading this, chances are I'm already gone. I don't want to make this long, but fuck it if I do. After all, this will be the last thing I say to you. It's crazy how things turned out. I didn't imagine myself writing to you especially. Do people still even read letters, or are notes more efficient?

I don't know, but I guess it doesn't matter how I write it. As long as you read it, even if it takes you a while to open the envelope.

Can I start off by apologizing, or is it too late for that? I'm sorry if I made you upset or cry when you stopped over that one time to check on me and Benjamin after you found out what had happened. I practically slammed the door in your face and I regretted it instantly. But I was dealing with so much, Scarlet. My mind was overwhelmed with so much. I couldn't bear to look at you. Benjamin was all I had left.

I didn't want him to be taken away from me like my older sister Lillian. Yes, you read that correctly. Our older sister was named Lillian and that was the name I told you when we first met at the cabin. I just wanted to keep some part of her alive, but I'm sorry for lying. I'm sorry for causing so much pain, not just for you, but for my brother, Lillian, and the others.

Scarlet I might not get to tell you everything when I'm alive, so I'll tell you here instead. I'm a Nova—was a Nova.

We never met in Hunter's camp, I was stationed somewhere else. That camp you were in isn't the only Nova camp out there, and Hunter isn't the only leader in the Novas. I don't know how many camps are out there and I don't know who's above or below Hunter. All I know is that Benjamin and I were pulled into the same situation you and Thomas were.

I never met the leader in my camp. His identity was only known by a handful of people, those who were seen as being more worthy of his time. I'm sure Hunter was one of those people. But that's about all I know. I just hope you find all the answers and find a way to stop them... I don't know what they're planning, but it has to be something big.

All I wanted with my brother was freedom and safety. That's it.

But it seemed like it was too much to ask for. We eventually learned that the hard way. I left the Novas and ran from camp, I took some supplies with me and found shelter in an abandoned cabin, that's also why I had all of those guns with me. But you were right that night, I used to be part of a bad group. And I had worked with bad people. You guessed all of that and I was angry that you read me so easily.

Maybe I hoped I could stay in that small cabin for a long time. Maybe I was hoping to erase who I was before I met you. But I had left Benjamin alone back at camp. Back then it was hard to decide what I wanted to do, whether it was to suck up living in that horrible camp or just leave this world behind.

I was just so sick of seeing innocent lives be lost and being forced to act cruel towards others who just wanted a better tomorrow. I messed up so fucking much. So I decided I wanted it to end.

I should have known though, just like how that old cliché saying would go. "You don't actually want to die. You just want the pain to stop." I kept looking for a reason to not end it all, I kept holding back those thoughts because I didn't want to leave Ben behind all alone in a fucked up world with rotters and assholes.