The Ruins Of Tomorrow

37. Broken Pieces

My eyes met the gloomy skies above the towering trees. Thunder ruptured in the far distance and fortunately the rain had stopped for a while now. I continued to make my way down the trail stomping on the pools of mud. I didn't know where exactly I was going, but I kept moving forward and forced myself to not look back.

A stray of biters were walking down the same path as I stopped to snatch out my knife. I swung my knife at the creatures, fighting through them and saw the last body tumble down to my feet. I was inhaling for air when I felt a stinging jab in my chest and dropped my knife. My knees hit the ground and my hands clenched the mushy dirt with my bare hands. I wanted to scream out loud, but forced myself to take slow breaths instead.

Get up. You're just wasting time whining.

I clenched onto my jacket and pulled myself up. I walked down further until I found a safe point and leaned against the trunk of a tree. I plopped down my backpack to check what I had left. I counted the contents over and over as if there was going to be more food for another day. But I didn't have enough for another day. I was going to slowly starve myself if I didn't find more food and water.

I gripped my bag and tossed it across, slamming my fists on the mud. "Fuck...!"

I wiped my hands on my jeans and pressed my arms against my eyes, trying my best to not cry. What was the point?

And how many days has it been already?

Thomas's face flashed in my head over my mangled thoughts. I tried pushing it away, but it seemed to force its way inside. Why were goodbyes so hard? Why couldn't they be easier?

I slid back down and rested my head against the tree and let my eyes close. I thought back to what Thomas had said to me before I left. The first tear drizzled down my cheek as I recalled the last moments that day in my mind.

"Are you really going to just leave?" Thomas said with balled fists.

I didn't want to look at him, so I turned with my back facing him instead. I felt a soft punch on my back, causing my body to jump to jolt. It didn't hurt, I was more surprised by it. I knew this was his only way for me to look at him.

And it worked as I turned around to look at him. "Don't get upset with Dean and the others. This is my decision," I said to him and clenched my backpack.

"You're leaving because you're scared," he said and backed away slowly.

His face looked worn out from crying and he looked completely defeated. "I..." he paused to think about what he just said and he sucked in a heavy breath. "If I don't see you again, then I will never forgive you," he admitted in a brutal tone.

There was a lot swirling in the back of my head but nothing was coming out of my mouth. I was speechless. I looked up to see Dean in the distance as he gave me a nod before walking away. I saw him lift up his hand as he waved goodbye.

The guards whistled down at me as the gates were opened. I walked out of Terrenceville and gulped hard and forced myself to not look at Thomas. To not look back expecting to see the others in the crowd. To not look back at the garden or toward Lia's grave, or the complex. To not look back at the past once I've stepped outside.

Do not look back.

"I love you..." I heard him whisper just when the gates closed shut and everything went quiet on the other side.

My heart shattered into broken pieces as I walked down the road and didn't look back.

~

I had reached a small house a couple miles further. I spotted it as I walked by a small river stream. It was still raining and the trip was already hard enough with a hungry stomach. I had snacked on the last granola bar and only took small sips out of my water bottle.