Teenage Hooligan: An Original Poetry Chapbook

Dear Conrad

December 11th, 2019
16 Years Old

This specific poem was written by me and 3 friends. Each grouping will be split with ---, but the overall concept of the poem is the same.

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Dear Conrad,
Your biggest fear is losing me
So stop acting the ways I don't want you to.
You say you'll change, thinking I never heard that before.
I'm not dumb, I can't be controlled.
The veil of happiness that you oh so super glued onto my head,
I flipped it off and now I can see clearly.
I no longer dismiss my triggers for your comfort
For the easier path that would lead me to self-destruction.
I'm asked what you do that I like,
And I say your sense of humor.
I can't think of anything else,
Other than everything I dislike,
All of our past experiences I thought would never happen again
Are coming back and drowning me
And I refuse to let my lungs burn like that again.

---

Dear Conrad,
Your friends are angels
Angels with long red hair and pink and purple nails
And large bulky sweaters that I wrapped myself up in
But now our wings are decorations of your destruction 

You were an angel
The favorite angel
But lucifer was too until he fell

"It was just a bad morning"
You promised me that you would always be here.
You promised that I wasn't wearing you down.
That the constant 'stress' and 'anxiety' that you held so close to your chest wasn't my fault.
But then you stopped answering me.
You stopped caring, and the problems that I held, the ones that broke my spirit and spilt over in tears of pain, you ignored.

"Too overwhelmed"
That was your favourite.
And I never wanted to hurt you, but it was so thin of a line between help and hurt
I never knew that your emotions were so up there that my voice calmed you, but only after begging to call.

Dear Conrad,
My friends are angels
Angels with long red hair and pink purple nails
And big sweaters to wrap up in
They bring me gifts of joy and peace
Even after you dimmed their light

Dear Conrad,
Please do not return to sender

---  

Dear Conrad,
You used me
Like a life boat
Only needed when a 'crisis" occurs
When the ship sinks
Life boats gets used
I was your life boat
It all started with all the sorry i had a bad mornings
That happened too often
Almost every day
To when you invited yourself over my house
And in the process canceling all the plans I had with my family
i still thought you were my friend
Why? Im not sure
You took my trust and stomped it up
The pieces looking like broken glass in the bottom of your shoe
You tried your hardest to make me believe all your lies
There were so many
Like the time you sat me down and tried convincing me my cousin was manipulative and a
terrible person
That conversation lasted 20 minutes then I stood up and left
I dont want to be a life boat
I want to be an unsinkable ship
Floating on the water in peace
With no need for life boats
And i can't do that with you
Being an anchor with too short a rope making me sink
A week later
You are still trying to use me as a lifeboat
I wont let you
Not this time

---

Dear Conrad,
I made excuses for you and was constantly on your side.
In conclusion fuck u lol

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