Teenage Hooligan: An Original Poetry Chapbook

Mental Health Month

November 6th, 2019
16 Years Old

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Have you ever heard of mental health month?
Of course, you have!
Who wouldn't know of mental health month,
The month that supports the idea of thinking of those who have depression
or anxiety
or PTSD...
What about schizophrenia?
What about OCD?
Of course, OCD is popular,
We all have OCD
you know like the fact that there is a crumb in the corner of my room and I have to throw it away.

But did you know that OCD is
My dad flipping out on me for closing a window without permission
For turning up the temperature 1° in the house...
Of course, that's just a dad thing.
But then it's a dad thing checking the stove every hour
Having to close every single window in the car and hit the button at least four to five times Checking every single house light
Making sure that the toilet filling up before we leave the house
Mental health matters.

Mental health month is to educate us on these habits
but do people even really know what schizophrenia is?
What about ADHD
ADD
and all those fun things you don't know about either
Like how after school last year I went into IOP.

You know where you going you're a danger to yourself?
The mental hospital!
Fun fact, the mental hospital isn't where murderers live
crazy people screaming and banging their heads against the wall.
The mental hospital led me to IOP.
It was my favorite place.
I still miss that thousand legger that made miss Catherine scream at the top of her lungs
and the girl I sat next to who we became friends
because she was questioning her sexuality.
Or when I would sit with the stones because I actually believe that they made me feel better
Or how we'd all try to be the first one to get that one fidget toy
which is the most fun and I accidentally sprung across the classroom.

I love the small insignificant things like the new freckles that pop up on my hand
as insignificant as the kid in the back of the classroom doodling in their page, The Quiet One that
no one cares about
hi that kid is a me

mister math teacher I'm sorry I couldn't turn in my homework
I was too depressed to even get out of bed or do anything other than laying in my LED lit room
and you think I don't care about the fact that I have a 68 in your class
but I do my anxiety just keeps me from talking to you about it
and considering the fact that you reply so poorly to my emails
and don't support me that doesn't help at all

mrs. English teacher I'm sorry I couldn't turn this in on time
and I waited till the last second to procrastinate
I have anxiety and I'm scared that you were going to just
start throwing punches if I forget to turn one thing
and so I'm sorry that this is horribly done
but I am terrible at time management

mrs. science teacher I'm sorry I'm on my phone all the time
every single notification that pops up I feel the need to check in immediately
or else my anxieties that will soar through the roof
I can't control myself

Mr. history teacher I'm sorry that you think the speak to me room is such a stupid thing
but do you know how many times in a month that I might go to the peace room
because I need to keep myself from having an anxiety attack.

There's a whole entire month dedicated to mental health
but yet and still it seems like no one even notices it
because you guys can't understand
and don't talk to me about why
I'm constantly missing my homework or
I'm never paying attention in class or
why I go to the peace room so often.
You try to educate us on mental health and raise awareness yet and still you really don't understand it.

I can't help that I have to leave school every single week
I'm sorry I'm trying to get help with my therapist
please don't be mad at me.
If I email you that I'm going to miss class
and I tried to pick up work
and you don't even be reply back for two days
and when you do it's three words
all lowercase
no punctuation how do you think I'm supposed to feel

mental health month
no one really dives deep into it except for those patriarchy accounts on Instagram
and those who actually have a mental health disorder
but it seems like those who praise at the most don't know about it at all.
therefore I say mental health is insignificant and unimportant in that weird way
Talked about but never really noticed.

And sometimes I feel like that too.

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