Oblivion

five

I open my eyes and don't even bother getting up. I remember everything from last night, the euphoric feeling cutting sent through me. I wanna feel it again. I sit up slowly and look at my arms not even bothering to gasp. Both of my arms were full of cuts and dry blood. The floor was an utter mess but at least there was no rug. I stand up slowly and drag myself to take a shower. At least I didn't have work today.

After my shower I pulled open a drawer on the counter and bandaged up my arm. It had stung in the shower but it felt like a little spark, nothing more. I put on some soft pajamas and obviously a long sleeve shirt after brushing my hair. 

I walk into the kitchen and make a bagel before I pour myself a glass of mango juice. I take my plate as well as my glass and sit down at the table. As I eat my bagel Cole strolls out of his room and directly towards me. I don't bother looking up not even at Ace who was lying on the couch.

"Morning Ella," Cole says with a smile while standing right in front of me.

"Morning." I mumble without sparing him a glance.

"I have to tell you something."

"What?" I ask not knowing if I even wanted to hear his answer.

"Mom is coming over for dinner with me tonight. I tried to get her to go someplace else but she wouldn't listen."

I set half my bagel back down feeling my appetite slip away. I look up at him slowly and take in his apologetic look which makes me feel nothing. I nod and walk into my room after setting my dishes into the sink. I glance at Ace on the way to my room who is glaring back at me. I shut my door and pick up my phone and dial Lia.

"Hey girl!" Her voice rings through the phone.

"Hey, Laura is coming for dinner with Cole tonight. So I was wondering if you and I could do something."

"That bitch." Lia grunts. "And of course! I promise we're gonna have the best night ever! Wear something very hot!"

I decide to head over to the book store down the street to help pass the time. I slip on my shoes and walk out the front door. As I enter the bookstore a look of calmness emerges on my face. Books always manage to calm and soothe me, no matter what. I have always loved reading as well as writing but I rarely used to have free time. 

I spend about two hours going through the aisles and picking specific books to buy. I walk back to the apartment with a bag full of books. I enter the apartment and am instantly met with Cole, causing me to frown.

"We need to talk, Ella."

I nod hesitantly and walk over to the sofa with him. What if he knows about the cutting? There's no way but still a possibility. The sad part was that I wasn't even scared like I was supposed to be, I couldn't care less.

"I have to leave tonight for a work assignment in Switzerland."

"Oh, what assignment?"

"I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to discuss that."

"When are you going to be back?"

"In three days."

I nod and look at the floor unsure of what to say.

"I'm going out tonight. Enjoy your dinner, Cole. Good luck on your assignment." I say getting up and walking towards my room.

"Please forgive me, Ella." Cole says softly, causing me to stop walking. Ace emerges from his room and gives me a weird look before flopping onto the sofa.

"Maybe I will at some point. But I will never forget." I say shutting my door. It's true. At some point I will forgive Cole but I don't know when that point is. The thing is, I not only need to forgive him for the lunch but for my whole life time. He put himself in this position when it could have gone another way. He took care of me, yes. But, it was out of the sorrow he felt for me. The sorrow of the fact that I was not loved like he was. And I will always remember that and those times no matter what.