MDZS Oneshots | The Untamed | WangXian

The Shadow of You (Vol. 4)

I'm sorry this is really really really really really really really bad 😀 I am 78% asleep.

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Lan WangJi became aware of a wet cloth scrubbing between his brows. The water was frigid, nipping his skin like Gusu's cold springs. But he wasn't in Gusu, that much he knew by the scent of pine and musk in the air. When he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was a plain gray mosaic. He had no idea there were so many shades of gray. Only one place on Earth was so fond of such drab architecture: The Unclean Realm. It seemed their convoy made it back after all.

Huffing under his breath, Lan WangJi's eyes moved to his brother who was dutifully tending to him. XiChen seemed flush, bearing more of an ivory-glaze rather than his usual jade visage. His eyes were downcast, unaware his brother had finally opened his.

"XiongZhang," he announced.

The Sect Leader nearly jumped out of his skin. He yanked the cloth back and blinked. "WangJi."

"What happened?"

XiChen tamed his face and wrung the rag. Water splashed over the edges of the basin. "After the ambush you collapsed with a fever."

"You're mad," Lan WangJi observed.

"You should have told me the Burial Mounds was still affecting you."

Ah. He had a feeling that was it. Defending his integrity, he blankly said, "It was only residual energy; I assumed my core would filter it out."

"It would have, but... you were emotionally unstable. Many are convinced you are a traitor. Your emotions surged after such accusations were made."

"And they still think such things?"

"...Yes."

Lan WangJi wrung his hands together, thinning his skin.

He felt like a boy again.

He'd never acted like the other children in the Cloud Recesses. He preferred the company of animals because their eyes didn't know judgment. Crowds rendered him speechless, unable to think or move or breathe. Words were harder for him to pick up then swords. One of the elders told him once that his mother was to blame, that she was a vile witch whose heart had rotted her womb. They said he was stained. They said his older brother was lucky.

He felt like a little boy again. And like that misunderstood boy, all he knew how to do was hide in his brother's arms.

Days of suspicious glares and narrow eyes passed for the Second Jade.

Wei WuXian walked towards WangJi's chambers. Fear was heavy in his feet. They dragged and begged for his retreat as Shadow Lan WangJi appeared in the corner of his eye. Struck by the boyish need to run and hide, Wei WuXian breathed in deeply, meditatively just like a Lan. He could not run, he could not be so self-centered. The Jade was owed an explanation. Only after such a pledge did he walk with more confidence.

Above him was a constellation of stars on a midnight cloth, so utterly beautiful he felt selfish keeping the view all to himself. However, it wasn't hard to impress him anymore. The Burial Mounds had no sky, only fat clouds, black like cotton saturated in ink. He would spend entire days watching them sulk, pleading for just a glimpse of the stars, or a single twine of sunlight. At some point, he'd forgotten how bright the northern star burned against the charred black wall of space. He'd forgotten how blue the moon's smile was. He'd forgotten how hot the sun's gaze was.

Wei WuXian had forgotten so much, hence he was awed by the simplest things.

The ambiance was shattered by crying zither.

Wei WuXian slowed. And then he stopped, for even the slowest steps he took were heavy and uneasy. The sorrow in the strings was oppressive. He felt violated by such a profound voice of grief. Guilt. Regret. He swallowed back sick, cradling his stomach like a gravid mother.

He was at Lan Zhan's door.

I can't do this.

Wei WuXian knocked quietly.

"Wei Ying, don't you love me?"

He shook the shadowy voice from his head.

The guqin stopped. Wei WuXian could almost imagine Lan WangJi's moon-blue hands tiptoeing uncertainly along the instrument, and the delicate raise of his brows as he realized who stood at his door.

"Stay with me, Wei Ying."

Silence was habitual of the reclusive Lan, but now it felt wrong. Lan WangJi had stopped playing many seconds ago, but not even the air of his breath could be heard. Wei WuXian couldn't reach out with his spiritual fingers and feel for the Jade, coreless as he was, and being unable to sense his soulmate chilled him to the bone.

But eventually he heard uncertain feet shuffling towards the doors.

"Wei Ying?"

The sound of his soulmate's voice was intoxicating. It rushed to his head like the golden brew Emperor's Smile, telling him to open the door, to dive into Lan Zhan's arms and let go only when the sun rose in the West and set in the East.

But fear was sobering.

"You can't die yet. Eat it!"

"Don't open, just..." He swallowed wads of guilt, wet like paper in his throat. The rims of his eyes burned. "Just listen. Please."

"Okay."

Wei WuXian leaned into the bamboo-skin door. He slid down until his tailbone hit the ground.

"I died," he admitted gravely. It was the first time he acknowledged it. The sensation of roaches scavenging his brain made him shiver. "The Burial Mounds brought me back. I had n-no idea why until it appeared. Until you appeared. It—it wore your face to torment me. It even... it even stole our song."

Through the gap in the door, he heard Lan WangJi's sharp breath.

"Im so afraid. I'm sorry," Wei WuXian sobbed gently, throat bobbing. "You don't deserve this. It's all my fault."

Wei WuXian hugged himself. He let his eyes close and imagined the bony humps of his knees were Lan WangJi's shoulders. He imagined the scent of lotus blossom perfusing in his nose was more rugged, earthy like sandalwood. And when he spoke, he imagined his words pooled within the crook of Lan WangJi's neck where he rested his head.

"What if none of this is real? I can't help but wonder if I'm still there, if you're still that thing. What if this is some cruel trick?"

Lan WangJi could no longer 'just listen. He slicked his throat in sweetness and spoke as softly as a man his age could. "Perhaps my words will not reach you yet, but I promise this is real. You're home, Wei Ying. None of this is your fault."

Curled up against the door, Wei WuXian really thought he could feel the warmth of Lan Zhan's skin. He bathed in it like a spring and sighed.

"Th-thank you. I'm s-sorry. I'm sorry I'm not ready to open the doors.... but can we stay like this? Just a little while longer?"

On the other side of the door, Lan WangJi hummed, "Mn."

The Jade opened the door when he heard Wei WuXian's breathing mellow. He looked like a slumbering creature that would be found in the woods, asleep beneath a blanket of moss, cheeks smudged by dirt. Lan WangJi smiled at the thought.

He carried Wei Wuxian back to his chambers and let him sink once again into the comforting hug of a mattress and sheets. Standing over him, Lan Wangji brushed the stray hair from his sleeping face and gazed down softly. Misery tarnished beauty. His skin's glow, which illuminated like a midsummer lantern, was dimmed. Seeing the wetness still on his cheeks, Lan WangJi's hand moved without thinking. His thumb stroked from Wei WuXian's cheekbone to his temple. Once, then twice before reluctantly pulling away.

"Wei Ying, I will wait for you."

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