The Love You Can't Have {Spencer Reid}

5. Drunk words are Sober thoughts

First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. -Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald 

when I woke up at 12pm, Spencer was gone. although I missed his warmth, I was use to it. I got out of and spent the rest of the day at this penthouse of his. later that day at around 10 at night, I got a call from one of his henchmen, Ben,  that he go wasted. I drove to the bar after Ben called me, worried sick because Spencer doesn't drink. he knew Spencer would listen to me. or so he thought. I pulled up to the same bar where we met after years of not seeing each other. when I saw he could barely pull himself up. I walk up and offer to drive him home after I take his bourbon and set it on the counter. he tried to get it back but I gave it back to the bartender. his eyes fueled with rage. "you know Lewis..." he began. "you are so fucking boring" I am taken aback. he was drunk, he didn't mean it, right? "hey!" his voice raised. my eyes met back with his. "I'm gonna be honest with you because no one else will. any guy who said he's interested in you beyond just fucking you, is full of shit."

he knew about my past. my abusive parents. I never thought he would use it against me... a tear formed in my eye and I shifted my weight on one foot. I shake my head and that's when Ben intervened. "alright that's enough. I'm taking you home." he grabbed him tightly and practically dragged him out of the bar. pushing him and not letting him see me. Ben was there with me when Spencer ordered for him to protect me, so he became the big brother I never had. I cry as some lady comforts me. "he didn't mean it Delilah" Emily said. but I couldn't focus on her being here. after all, drunk words are sober thoughts...

I look at Emily now stunned. "how did you find me?" "your not that hard to find, I found Spencer that quickly as well when he left first." she shrugged it off as if it was no big deal, even though I was having a panic attack. "its alright, I'm not going to tell the rest of the team. I felt the same when I left for Interpol a few years ago." she leaned her head to the door, signaling me to go. I obeyed and left the bar. I drove straight home to my old apartment that I knew wasn't sold yet, crying the entire way there. yeah he was drunk but those words kept playing over and over in my head. it was so out of character for him. when I walked in, all my stuff was still as if I never left. I threw my keys and grabbed a bottle of wine and sat on the floor up against my couch. each sip I took brought a new wave of tears. then there was a knock. a voice from the outside was asking to come in. then I remembered that I didn't lock the door and that was when they slowly pushed it open. "Delilah..?" it was Ben. 

after he drove Spencer home and told him off, he came to the place the place that I knew best. I took my anger out on him. "Ben just get the hell out!" he ignored me, knowing I didn't mean it and knelt to take my wine and told me to get some sleep. "why would he say it if he didn't mean it?" I mocked his voice. "he wasn't thinking right, his head isn't in the right place right now." Ben was the only one who knew the real reason as to why Spencer got drunk that night. he managed to get me into my bed and he left me so I could sleep. I didn't though. I couldn't wrap my head around why my boyfriend, someone I thought I could trust, would betray me like that. 

the next day at the penthouse I ignored him the whole time. turning away when I faced his direction, didn't bring him his coffee and have my usual morning talk. ben even stepped in front of his way when he tried to approach me when my back was turned to him. he was sober now and he had something on his mind. at the end of the day I ran to the elevator. I just wanted to get  out and away from him, as far as possible. I heard him yell my name but I didn't hold the elevator. he took the stairs and just barely caught me in the parking lot. "Delilah Wait!" I started walking faster. "stop!" he stepped infant of my car door. "what the hell do you want Reid?" he was hurt when I called him Reid. "look can we go back upstairs and talk about this?" you declined and reached for my door again, he stopped me. "look Lilah, I remember what I said and I'm sorry. you have to believe me I didn't mean it. I was drunk and something else happened earlier-" "so you lash out at me?! at your girlfriend?! the same girlfriend that quit her job to be with you and your work." I was annoyed. he finally told me why he was drinking. earlier that day he received a call that his moms condition got worse and she had less lucid days in the future. she couldn't even remember who he was anymore. 

"why didn't you tell me? we tell each other everything I-I could've helped you." I really didn't know how I could help him through. maybe hold him close and tell him everything will work out but I could see now why he didn't tell me. I just didn't want him to do it alone. "it was no excuse to come and lash at you Delilah. I'm sorry." his eyes were sad and his voice got low. "I was mad, angry, confused..." he trailed off. I could tell it hurt him. he didn't mean to hurt me. all those times he held me when I cried and confided in him about my past. I made sure he would promise to tell me when anything happened, "I promise." I brought him back to the penthouse and we spent the night talking through everything. he made up and slowly, over 5 minutes, we were back to where we were before last night. the morning conversations started back up but this time he brought me coffee in bed. he assured that he would never get that drunk ever again.