Crying Lighting (Hotch x Reader)// ✔

8.Never Sweeter

Summary:

You're helping the BAU at last - and trying to cope with the memories from a year ago that still plague your mind.

Notes:

I was going for a long-ish chapter this time buttt everytime i try to write sth and leave it there, my mind is like "turn this into a fukin phd of 20302 words" lmao so i had to cut this again

title from song by Matilda Mann because her line:

"Cause you were never sweeter, than when you came across so bitter" and you'll see why 😉 (lets forget the actual meaning of the song lmao jjust focusin on these lines thnx)

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You can remember distinctly the last time you'd been in this same building - almost a year ago.

It had been close to Halloween when you'd shown up at the precinct, heart beating so loudly in your chest it felt like it might escape your ribcage. You'd made a promise to yourself after spending a lifetime in and out of police departments and precincts.

It had been a well-kept promise too - after helping the agents two years ago by letting them know where your father could be, you'd never spent more than 20seconds around a law enforcement officer. And that was only because of traffic lights, and walking around the city in New York, when you'd wait before passing the zebra crossing.

Every moment you saw someone in a uniform your stomach would knot violently. Every time someone even mentioned the police, you'd hear it from miles away, like you had a very sharp, yet needless, sixth sense.

Almost a year ago though, you had no other option but be around officers. It wasn't like you had a lot of alternatives - it was either show up willingly to declare your husband was missing, or not do so and wait for the police to make you their prime suspect. The first, even though painful, was better than the last. Because what's more suspicious than a wife never noticing her husband missing?

Now it is different - that is what you repeat to yourself like a mantra or a chant. Funny how you've become full of mantras these days.

First, it's: you have to help them - it's why you're here. Then -

You're back in the house but that is okay - that's why they're here.

Now: it's different - you're not here because of Nathan.

The door of the office they've left you in opens and JJ walks in, a polite smile on her face. You hold in a breath -

"We've set a conference room where we can work in with our technical analyst" she says, lingering by the door, "would you mind if you helped us a bit longer today?"

You exhale, a small smile easy to appear over your lips -

"Of course."

"I'll lead you to it"

You stand up and follow her through the packed floor swarming with officers, as she heads further in. She leads you inside a bigger room, a round table in the middle with several empty chairs, daylight entering the space through the open shades of the large windows.

A few laptops sit open over the surface of the table, as do several empty coffee cups and few documents spread around. Your attention is caught by the glass door on the other side of the room - catching a glimpse of Dr. Reid through it. He's talking to someone - but the glass partition the two rooms share together is covered with blinds from the other side.