Crying Lighting (Hotch x Reader)// ✔

21. NFWMB

Summary:

Another undercover mission makes you confront Lucille, Roger and others - Hotch realizes something new.

Notes:

hey all!!
Buckle up because this is literally (i think) the longest one I've written.
And also theme: DENIAL
Solely because I didn't feel like cutting it lmao

but yes... some stuff ~occurs
(if u see any grammar errors - no u didnt lol)

*also that gorgeous title is from the NFWMB by Hozier, obviously

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You take in a shuddering breath, steadying yourself as you look at your reflection on the mirror. Agent Prentiss and JJ give you small smiles when you turn, both watching you differently now – almost as if pitying you. JJ sits at the foot of your large Queen-sized bed, yours and Nathan's marital bed – mattress changed after that night in the kitchen for obvious reasons.

Because you couldn't bear smelling him in your sheets, or feeling the imprint of his body on his side of the bed. Not that the gesture ameliorated your sleeping schedule or allowed you to rest easier.

Agent Prentiss stands beside you, looking around the bedroom with curious eyes. It's not that apparent on their faces that they know something about Nathan, and they remain professional, but you note it in the way they study everything in the room. They eye the covered furniture and even the large wedding portrait you'd moved out of your living room since that night with Maria and Nathan.

And yet they don't know about you killing him. Hotch hadn't told them. You don't think you'd even be here if they knew you were a murderer. Searching for the reason behind him keeping it a secret makes you more stressed and paranoid than the secret itself.

"Okay, I'm ready for the wire" you let out, raising your arms in an exhibitionist way. Agent Prentiss shakes her head with a chuckle.

"No wire tonight." she says as she crosses her arms before her chest. You glance at JJ and she only smiles politely. You drop your arms.

"What?" you ask, surprised. Weren't they the ones to suggest you do this like a spy action movie?

"We don't think it's going to be safe" Agent Prentiss says. "Garcia already checked out the venue and she will be able to hijack the cameras to guide you and allow you to sneak around, so it's not necessary."

"Hijack?" you repeat. You turn to the vanity table by the open window of the room – the only source of fresh air providing respite from the heat. You pick up jewelry to go with the dress, long sapphire earrings and two golden rings.

"Wouldn't they notice someone hacking them? Is that even allowed from the FBI?"

"It will all be okay" she says with a smirk, ignoring your questions. Her red lips pull mischievously together as she looks at you, "I'm not sure we could even fit a wire in you in that dress."

Funnily enough, her words make you blush like a schoolgirl. Did the BAU specifically hire suave and charming people – was that a prerequisite to join them? You shake your head, because no matter what you're wearing, Hotch won't even dignify you with a look, so what difference does it even make?

You squeeze your eyes shut – well, that's unlike you also: to be stuck here, in your house, thinking about a man in a quiet, exasperated way. Your way tended to be more proactive, either make them realize what they're missing, or move on. Even though the last time you'd done it you'd ended up with a psychopath as a husband so maybe there's a lesson to be learned there.