Silk Touch | dreamwastaken

Chapter 36:

TW: mentions of suicide and rape

the look on lucas's face was glorious. it was so amazing, i nearly laughed. i watch as the horror creeps up, the shock and realization and it is fantastic. lucas glances at me and we lock eyes. it's almost like we're communicating in my head because i tell him, 'f!cking loser.' i sneak a glance at kaylee and my smugness grows. she has the same reaction as him, if not, worse. 

i watch as her gaze shifts towards me and the bitterness rises in her bright eyes. i try not to show my amused face but i can't help the small smile on my face. i can tell by the way she's looking at me that she's imagining me with a knife through my heart. sucks for her, cause i'm thinking the same thing. poppy's lawyer lets out a breath of relief, smiling widely. soon after, the trial is dismissed and i watch as lucas is walked away with police officers, hands in cuffs.

when we're out of the room, i nearly collapse against clay's shoulders as he holds me up. "you okay?" he asks and i nod, laughing. when we get out of the building, poppy's lawyer shakes my hand and smiles. "good job in there, you did great. have a good day." she tells me and i say bye to her as well.

we reach to clay's car and i shrug off my blazer, feeling the adrenaline fade. clay hops into the driver's seat and shuts his door. "we did it." i whisper and i glance at clay. he offers a small smile and i smile back. "we did it." he echoes and i smile even wider.

he rubs the back of his neck and he starts to reverse out of the parking lot. we're back to being quiet, almost like strangers. i stare out the window, desperately wanting to go back to when clay and i could talk normally. ever since i raised my hand to him, it's like he has gone distant.

i want to ask him what's wrong and to talk, but i can never get the courage. i want him to ask me. the day that he asked to talk, it didn't even help. we were so awkward, as if our parents were forcing us to be friends. i can't help but let a small sigh fall out of my mouth and clay glances at me.

"what?" 

"hm? nothing, sorry."

"you gotta stop apologizing every few seconds."

"sorry."

we stay still in silence before i turn my head to him, trying to not smile. "i mean, yeah, i'll stop." i say, and clay's face is unreadable. i quietly cough and turn back to the window. when we pull up to my house, my legs can't seem to move. i try to move, but every muscle in my body is refusing.

ask him! why are you so anxious?

it's gonna be so awkward, like last time.

so? be more elaborate this time.

i tried to be, but it's him who needs to step up. he won't tell me what's wrong.

force him to. make him explain why he's so distant.

no matter how much i argue with my head, it always wins, even though it's apart of me. i turn to clay and watch as he tracks me. he looks at me before glancing away quickly. i swallow and i clear my throat. "clay." i state, almost quiet and he glances at me.

"yeah?" he asks, equally as quiet, and i hesitate, trying to find a way to form my words into an understandable sentence. "can you explain... explain why you've been so distance ever since i uh- raised my hand to you?" i ask him and clay looks at me with a neutral expression.

he doesn't answer my question, instead he lets it sink in. the air is thick with tension before he opens his mouth. "distant." he states, and i slowly nod, waiting for him to continue his sentence. clay sighs before ruffling his hair, avoiding eye-contact.