ambivalence

Chapter 1

The door to the scrub room slammed shut behind him, as Derek Shepherd tore of his scrub cap and ran a hand through his dark curly hair, frustrated. He had been paged in this morning, and after several hours of operating he had lost his patient. He was furious at himself, for letting his patient slip through his hands.

Derek pushed the button to the elevator several times, earning confused and pitying looks from the people standing near the elevator. He gave them a small smile, before looking down at his feet letting his thought rush over him as he waited for the elevator. He did everything he could to save his patient, but he felt like he could have done more. Cristina Yang, his colleague and the head of cardio, had told him that they both did everything they could and that there were nothing more that they could have done. She had shot him a look full of pity, knowing Derek sometimes got way to involved with his patients.

"Are you getting in or what?" Derek looked up from his feet, at the unfamiliar person standing in the elevator, tapping her foot on the ground waiting. He sighed as he gave her an apologetic smile, before stepping in to the elevator, pushing the button and standing behind the woman. Derek couldn't help himself, looking at her ass. She was ridiculously hot, and he was a man for God's sake.

"Quit looking at my ass." She hissed at him, feeling his hungry eyes on her ass. He rolled his eyes at her, even though she couldn't see him. As hot as she were, she seemed like a total bitch and Derek didn't have time for that. He sighed, as the thought of the unfamiliar woman being a bitch reminded him of his ex. He hadn't seen her today, yet, and really hoped that he wouldn't. He just couldn't stand the thought of having to deal with herbs well, as he was dealing with the loss of his patient. He thought about asking his best friend to drink with him tonight, knowing that it was exactly what he needed to get over himself.

"A penny for your thoughts." The woman asked, not bothering to look at him at all. She still had her back towards him, as she looked at her nails.

"What?" He asked, confused to why she was talking to him again. She didn't exactly seem like she cared, and Derek wasn't going to vent to some stranger in the elevator about his life.

"Are you deaf?" The woman asked, annoyed at the man. This had been the longest elevator ride in her life, and it seemed as if the elevator wasn't moving at all. And if that wasn't bad enough, she was stuck with some brainless doctor who kept staring at her ass. It wasn't that she didn't want him staring at her ass, she had dressed to impress and took it as a compliment that he was looking at her ass. But the guy seemed like a total idiot, and she didn't have time for that.

"Excuse me, what?" Derek asked, even more confused than before. What a bitch, he thought. He really hoped this elevator ride would come to an end soon, and he could get out of here and never see this woman again.

"Are you..." The woman began, as she turned around on her high heels to take another look at the doctor. "deaf?" She finished her sentence, as she liked her lips and looked him in the eyes.

"No? I'm not deaf?" He said, making it sound more like a question that a statement. He raised his eyebrows at her, as he watched her lick her lips at him.

"Well, stated the obvious there." She snorted, and stepped closer to him backing him up against the wall of the elevator.

"But when I ask you a question, Dr..." She trailed off, looking around his body for some kind of ID to tell her his name. She thought to herself for a second, what she was going to call him. Sexy? Dreamy? No, she wasn't going to let him found out she thought he was any of those things. To her, he was just some brainless moron.

"Shepherd." Derek gulped out. The woman watched his Adam's apple as he swallowed hard. She licked her lips, as she stepped even closer with only a few inches between them.

"Dr. Shepherd." She purred, as she trailed a finger down his chest, lower and lower, until she reached the waistband of his scrubs. She could feel his erection growing, poking her thigh. Her finger looped his scrub pants, as she pulled him closer, so close that their lips were practically touching.

"Well, Dr. Shepherd. Hope to see you around." Derek didn't have time to react, as the woman walked out of the now open elevator, leaving him standing behind with an aching erection.

"Wow, what happened to you Shep?" Derek best friend, Mark Sloan, asked as Derek made his way towards him from the elevator he had just gotten off. The one he had been left in, with an aching erection that was know gone.

"Uhm..." Derek said, the words dying on his tongue as he tried to process what the hell had happened to him in the elevator. He had never been this confused before. It all went from zero to a hundred in the elevator, and ended with him confused as hell. And who was the woman even? Derek had no idea, but he was about to find out, soon.

"Nevermind." Mark brushed him off after a while of his best friend just standing there with an open mouth and a confused look on his face.

"So, have you seen the new head of general yet?" Mark asked, as he went back to scribbling charts.

"I'm sorry who?" Derek asked.

"What the hell man? The new head of general, the one Richard hired? Who's supposed the be hot as hell."

"Oh yeah, right." Derek remembered. "and no, I don't think I've seen her yet." Derek said, slowly coming back to earth as he tried to brush off the elevator episode. He couldn't stand around thinking about it all day, he had to work after all. And meet the new head of general.

"That's a shame, she's fucking hot." Alex Karev, some pediatric surgeon Derek didn't know very well. All he knew, was that he was an ass who followed all the female doctors around like a dog in heat.

"Why does it feel like everyone's met her, but not me?" Mark asked, annoyed that he hadn't gotten a glimpse on the woman everyone talked about.

"Well, she's coming this way so it looks like you're getting your chance now." Alex said, nodding his head towards where Richard Webber, the chief of surgery, and the famous new head of general stood talking. Richard and the new head of general - Meredith Grey - Mark remembered her name, shook hands and they started walking towards the three men.

"Gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to Dr. Meredith Grey, the new head of general." Richard said, as they stood in front of them. He shot them a warning look, telling them to behave, as Meredith took a step forward and greeted them.

"Fuck me." Derek muttered under his breath, as he took a look at Meredith Grey. The very same woman from the elevator, who practically sexually harassed him in the elevator.