SBI oneshots (NOT BEING UPDATED ANYMORE)

MORE INCORRECT QUOTES!!

hehehehheheheheh

(any shipping here is platonic, i dont ship anybody here stfu.)

-

Tommy: If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous.
Tubbo: What if it bites me and it dies!?
Ranboo: Then you're poisonous. Jesus Christ, Tubbo, learn to listen.
Philza: What if it bites itself and I die?
Techno: That's voodoo.
Wilbur: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
Tubbo: That's correlation, not causation.
Philza: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?
Techno: That's kinky.
Tommy: Oh my God.

-

Tommy: Just be yourself.
Tubbo: 'Be myself'? Tommy, I have one day to win Ranboo over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?
Philza: Couple weeks.
Techno: Six months.
Wilbur: Jury's still out.
Tubbo: See, Tommy?
Tubbo: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?

-

Tommy: Hewwo.
Tubbo: Hihiiiiii!
Ranboo: Greetings, Humans.
Techno: Three kinds of people.
Philza: I want pudding.
Tommy: Four kinds of people.
Wilbur: WHAT'S UP FUCKERS?
Techno: Five kinds of people.

-

Tommy: Dumbest scar stories, go!
Tubbo: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.
Ranboo: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.
Philza: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.
Techno: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.
Wilbur:
Wilbur: I have emotional scars.

-

Tommy: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
Tubbo: >:O language
Ranboo: Yeah watch your fucking language
Philza: OKAY WHO TAUGHT RANBOO THE FUCK WORD?
Techno: 'The fuck word'.
Wilbur: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time
Ranboo: Oh my god he censored it
Techno: Say fuck, Wilbur.
Ranboo: Do it, Wilbur. Say fuck.

-

Tommy: We need to distract these guys
Tubbo: Leave it to me
Tubbo: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.
Ranboo, Philza, and Techno: *Immediately begin arguing*
Wilbur, watching in horror: Oh this. I don't like this. I don't like this at all.

-Tommy: Tubbo... How do I begin to explain Tubbo?

Ranboo: Tubbo is flawless.

Philza: I hear his hair's insured for $10,000.
Techno: I hear he does car commercials... in Japan.
Wilbur: One time he punched me in the face... it was awesome.

-

Tommy: Croissants: dropped
Tubbo: Road: works ahead
Ranboo: BBQ sauce: on my titties
Philza: Shavacado: fre
Techno: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead
Wilbur:
Wilbur, grumpy: I didn't understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

-

*The squad is over at Tommy's house*

Tubbo: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?
Tommy: ... N-No...
Tommy, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???
Tubbo, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought!
Ranboo: I see a-
Tommy, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.
Tubbo: Oh, well I-
Tommy: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*
Tommy, amazed: Its got a bake setting!
Philza: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!
Techno: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?
Tommy: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin!
Tommy: I am someone who owns four ovens...
Tommy, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS...
Tommy: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens...
Wilbur, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!
Tommy:
Tubbo: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!
Tommy:
Tommy, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS