SBI oneshots (NOT BEING UPDATED ANYMORE)

EVEN MORE INCORRECT QUOTES

fun fact: did u know i make most the oneshot in docs and then decide if i will post them or not?

no?

well heres another fun fact: i have like 12 stories i havent posted on ao3 or wattpad yet because i mildly dislike them

ANYWAY THE AO3 HAS A FULL ASS STORY AND ONE WITH LIKE A PROLOUGE AND 2 CHAPTERS GO READ THEM LMAO >> Sincerely_4ng31s

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Wilbur: where's the fucking keys?

Philza: can't you use more decent language around Tommy?

Wilbur: may i ascertain the whereabouts of my fucking keys—

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Philza: Tubbo, please try not to Tommy this into a worse situation than it already is.

Tubbo: i won't. It's already as Tommy as it is.

Tommy:

Tommy: wait, did you both just use my name as a verb?

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Philza: WHY IS THE BUILDING ON FIRE?

Technoblade: a dragon sneezed.

Wilbur: I tried to light a cigar with a flame thrower.

Tommy: Dropped my latest mix tape.

Philza: Ranboo, please tell me what happened.

Ranboo: Um.

[flashback to Technoblade and Wilbur arguing with Tommy that it was impossible to light a fire extinguisher on fire]

Ranboo: I don't remember.
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Tommy: leave me alone.

Tubbo: i would, but you'd need to let go of my hand first, Tommy.
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Tubbo: *Gasp*

Ranboo: wHAT??

Tubbo: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish?

Ranboo: *inhales*

Wilbur, in another room with Tommy: Why can I hear screeching?
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C!Philza: This is a disaster! The printer messed up the invitation! It's supposed to say "C!Wilbur's Birthday!"

C!Niki: What does it say instead?

C!Philza: "C!Wilbur's Bi"

C!Niki: Hey, that could still work!

(C!Wilbur is canonically bi, lmao(Hes also canonically 41, Philzas immortal and im confused))
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Philza: Tommy isn't answering his phone

Tubbo: I'll call

Wilbur: Philza and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Tommy: Hello?
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C!Dream: Scared?

C!Tommy: Actually, years of trauma and fighting for my life against enemies and isolation have pretty much burnt out my adrenaline response to situations like this and left me without the ability to feel normal reactions and emotions

C!Dream: What?

C!Tommy: I said, you fucking wish!
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Technoblade: Sorry, That goes against my moral compass.

Wilbur:  Your moral compass is a roulette wheel you spin based on what mood you're in or how bad your voices are. So excuse me if I don't take you seriously.
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Tommy, talking to Tubbo in a matter of fact tone: It is very important that i'm both cute and powerful.
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Tommy, singing: So, tell me what you want, what you really, really want

Wilbur, bleeding out and singing along: I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want

Tommy: So, tell me what you want, what you really really want!

Wilbur, passing out: I wanna... I wanna... I wa...

Tommy, turning to Techno: So, tell me what you want, what you-