A Song for Ezra (ONC 2021)(manxman)✅

Stephanie Says

A/N This chapter may be triggering. Also, it's okay to hate the character. Just don't hate the writer. This story is about the horrors of bipolar disorder.

Also, I've been watching a lot of Wes Anderson movies lately (it's been a ritual for me and my son over the past few Saturdays, starting with the Royal Tenenbaums), so some of these later chapters and song choices are inspired, in a way, by his movies.

By day, the five of us worked together, writing new songs. Although I didn't have formal education in music, I felt like I made a fair contribution. Levi and I in particular came up with some interesting lyrics.

Everything was going great, except for one thing: I didn't pack enough medication, and I didn't have any refills. I got so caught up in everything, I totally forgot about my appointments. My mental health history seemed unimportant and insignificant right now. There were so many other things going on, I didn't have time to think.

Due for my morning dose of lithium, I discovered I had one pill left. We weren't scheduled to go home for another six weeks. I didn't call my shrink because I didn't want to hear another lecture from him. Sean got us some extra gigs in Athens, Georgia, working on getting a few in Austin or Houston, so we were super busy. I didn't know the difference between the two cities. (I apologize for anyone from Texas for my ignorance.) Likewise, I only had one pill left of Seroquel and Wellbutrin. I already had insomnia problems. Without Seroquel, I was doomed, but I went about everything as if I weren't.

No, I'll be okay, I tricked myself into believing. I'll smoke some weed and I'll be fine.

"Everything okay?" Levi asked, standing in the bathroom doorway as I shoved my prescription bottles back in my bag.

"Yeah," I said. "Fine."

I didn't want to tell Levi I fucked up. It was bad enough I told him about my parents. Instead, after two weeks without medication, I confided in Memphis. Because she'd had her own issues in the past, I could relate to her. If I told Levi, he would have just gotten scared and overly concerned.

Memphis and I went shopping together while everyone went off doing something else. Levi wasn't much of a shopper. Neither Memphis nor I ever mentioned her kiss. I think she was embarrassed about it, and I didn't want to embarrass her any further. I wanted to be her friend, not her boyfriend. Everyone needed friends, right? I already had a boyfriend and I liked it that way, no matter how much I liked Memphis, no matter how much I liked her curves and soft skin.

However, I loved Levi and everything about him... his slender frame, the tufts of dark hair down the center of his chest, his penis and balls and how much I loved touching and kissing them, how much I loved him inside me and how much I loved being inside him.

"I have to tell you something," I told Memphis. "First, I'm having a great time. Secondly, I ran out of medication. I have problems, as you know, and..."

"How long ago did you run out?" she interrupted me.

"Two weeks ago, but I'm doing all right."

So far I hadn't felt any different.

"This is bad, Ezra."

"Don't lecture me," I said, but she didn't listen to me. "You yourself told me lithium saved your life and now you haven't been taking it? Ezra, you could get really sick."