Drown For Me//Colson Baker

four!

The way Colson looked at me when Pete opened the door told me everything I needed to know about how he felt; it was written all over his face. His hair still looked wild from the night we had, but it was more tamed, as if he had only done the bare minimum to comb it. My heart skipped a beat every time he glanced my way while talking to Pete, as if he'd much rather be talking to me or that I was on his mind. Pete invited him inside, and Casie plopped down on the sofa, engrossed in her phone. I walked into the kitchen to catch my breath away from the drama that is Colson. I could hear them starting to talk like they always did, filling the house with laughter the moment I was gone. 

Maybe I was the problem. Is that why, every time I was around, things started becoming stressful? My selfishness in giving in to my temptations is ruining my mental health. When I look at Pete, all I see is what I wish he could be. At first, he was all I had ever known, but now I have caught glimpses of another life with someone else, and what I want haunts me. Every moment I close my eyes, I envision him. My heart started to beat for him, but my mind was torn in two different directions. My selfishness in partaking in what tempts me is ruining my mental health. When I look at Pete, all I see is what I wish he was. At first, he was all I had ever known, but now I've caught sight of another life with someone else, and what I want haunts me. Every moment I close my eyes, I envision him. My heart started to beat for him, but my mind was split in two different directions ways.

When I walked back into the living room, Pete was rambling about work, "Bro, it's been pissing me off, every time I submit my script, they make me rewrite it, it's like they forgot I'm one of the top comedians there." Pete said, complaining about work and huffing. Colson hummed a response and crossed his arms, his head turning to me. I stopped in my tracks, I felt anxiety start to climb inside me and take a seat while pushing me aside. Colsons eyes fell to the floor and back to Pete, listing to him complain about his job. 

"Look, I'm just gonna show you-" Pete said before walking down the hall to the office. Once Pete was inside the office, rummaging around and trying to find the script, Colson stood up and walked over to me, He leaned over and whispered into my ear, "why'd you leave?" I looked up, he made sure to stand as close as he could. 

"I had to."

"You didn't, though."

"Can we talk about this later?"

He opened his mouth to speak but closed it, as if he had something to say that he couldn't bring himself to. During this whole affair, I had come to know Colson pretty well, things I had never noticed before started to become the first things I seen. Like, he had a lot of anxiety. He picked at the skin around his thumb nail. He has a temper, but it was pushed forward by bipolar disorder. Sometimes he's really quiet, not because he has nothing to say, but because he has to much to say. I also noticed that once he starts to really care about something, his tone about it becomes harsh and mean, I had yet to figure out why. 

Pete came back, he glanced at me then at Colson, his face showing a weird expression. My face grew white, I knew what we looked like. Colson was practically a centimeter away, it seemed like everytime we talked now we had to be stuck to each other, like there was a magnet in our chests pulling at us. This was unbearable to me, the always having to keep secrets and pretend my heart and mind weren't at a constant battle. 

"What's going on?"He asked, his posture straightening up and his head cocking to the side. Colson took a step back and shrugged, as if to say 'I don't know what you're talking about'. But Pete wasn't stupid, he could sense it in the air. 

Sucking on his teeth and sending me a glare, he backed off the topic. Like he didn't want to know or confront the issue anymore. He handed Colson the script he was just complaining about, "This is- uh- this is what I was talking about." He said, the enthusiasm about it almost completely gone. Colson held it in his hands and flipped it to the first page, beginning to skim through Pete's work. 

He chuckled and pointed to a line, "I don't know what the fuck they were talking about, this is good." But his laughter fell flat when Pete didn't smile, or laugh with him. Pete nodded, "i busted my ass trying to write it, so yeah I would hope so..."

I stood there between them, shifting around uncomfortably and miserable. I wanted to be anywhere but there at that moment. If I could've ran away, I would've. There was no way I could stomach it much longer, I wanted nothing but to confess to my wrong doings, spill my heart and beg for forgiveness. But my lips were sealed. 

"How long is Casie gonna be here?" Pete said, rather rudely. Thankfully it was out of ear shot of her, but it put a bad taste in my mouth, and by the looks of it, Colson didn't like it either. 

"As long as I need her to be." Colson squinted at him, asking him to continue to be rude about his daughter, "Is that an issue?"

I quickly said "No! Never." before Pete could say anything back. I forced a smile at the both of them, and when Casie came back into the living room, I faked a smile at her too. She smiled back, the dimples on her cheeks genuine and delightful. The value of her in that moment was worth more then diamonds, she felt like a breath of air when she walked in the room because I knew immediately it was dropped. 

"I have to go somewhere so it'll just be Valarie here with her," Pete said, reaching for his phone after hearing a ding. Colson nodded and said, "I have to go, I'll be late picking her up- I got a lot of shit to do."

Colson said a sweet goodbye to his daughter and left. Pete turned to me as asked, "What's going on between you and him?"The color drained from my face and my mouth fell open. I couldn't figure out what to say, or do, so I just stood there. I watched him grow impatient watching me squirm under his gaze, "Speak, Valarie. Now."

"Nothing." I said, looking over at Casie, who was obviously listening to our conversation, "I don't want to talk about it in front of her."

"She and Dad had a really bad argument when she came over the other day, yeah- it was bad."

Pete and I turned to her, she seemed stone in her statement, like it was fact. Pete's eyebrows knitted together and he asked me, "Why were you over there the other day?" This was an easy thing for Casie to answer, she was quick with responses as if she was actually living through what she was saying. I wondered if that was something she inherited from her father. I felt stupid allowing a 15 year old to lie for me, but she was so quick and smart with what she was saying I actually started to believe it. 

Thank god for Casie.