Pushed & Pulled

Chapter 21: No way out

Walk away, run away, dance away, fly away....  just don't stay in the cage. 

-Bravegirlsclub-

I stay curled up in a ball on the deck of the boat until the sun starts to set beyond the horizon. I hate myself for giving in and letting what happened happen. I let them memories filter through my head over and over again until I begin sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. I can't let that happen again. 

I wrap my fingers tightly around my necklace, but it provides little comfort as thoughts of what Cameron would think of me if he ever found out. I would rather die than let that happen. A cold breeze runs through my thin jacket making me shiver and I find the strength to stand up. 

When I get back to the room everything is clean, and the sheets have been changed. I don't understand why but also, I don't have the energy to care. I fall to the bed and pull the covers up and over my head attempting to shield myself from the bone chilling truth. I have no way out or around what's going to happen. 

I toss and turn throughout the night; my thoughts keep me awake and for a second I long for a prick to my neck to pull me into darkness so I don't have to think about anything. Was my necklace worth giving up a piece of me? I grasp it hugging it close to my chest. And, am I willing to give up more to have my questions answered? I rub my hand over my face, squeezing my eyes tight. What difference would it make to know how long he's had me here? I'm trapped with nowhere to go. No, the real question I want answered is why Dr. Reeves did this to me, how could he betray me? 

My mind wonders to that day at the hospital. "I have no other choice." His words come back to me. Of course he had a choice, everyone has a choice! I scream in my head. But what did he mean? What does Dr. Brice have over him? 

The conversation I had with Sarah a few weeks back comes to mind. I have a feeling my initial thought as to whether Dr. Reeves was the one who had an affair is right and this is what Dr. Brice has over him. But I didn't think Dr. Reeves was married. I close my eyes and try to remember if I ever noticed a wedding band on his hand but I can't.

Another thought occurs to me. We are on a boat; boats need fuel and water right? So eventually he will have to go back and dock somewhere to get supplies. But how long will that take? Weeks, months? I have no idea. I'm from Montana, far from any oceans or seas. This is only the second time I've been on a boat in my life. Then another thought runs through my mind. How long will he keep me alive? 

Once he's finished torturing me and after h-he.... My mind stops at the thought. I can't bring myself to say or think about what William said. "I'll have you either way..."I shudder in response curling my arms around my body. And when he's done will he kill me? Has he done this before? Right now I feel I would rather be dead, but the thoughts of never seeing Cameron again sends waves of pain through my chest and my breath catches in my throat as a sob works its way out. I know the pain of loss all to well and I don't wish Cameron to the same fate. 

The more I think the more questions run through my mind. I eventually fall into restless sleep for a few hours before I wake up feeling stiff and achy all over. I'm still not sure if the answers to my questions will be worth the price I will have to pay to get them. 

My only hope is that he will stop somewhere soon and that will provide me an opportunity to escape. It's not much, but hope will have to be what I hold onto, if to just give me the courage to make it through another day.