For Honor or Glory

Regret

Chapter 71 

Alex had already started crying as soon as Sephiroth pulled her close. She didn't need to hear his words to know that her child was gone. As soon as she had woken, she felt that something was missing—some part of her that she hadn't even realized she was beginning to think belonged. He continued to hold her as she finally managed to choke out a response. "I knew already. I could feel it deep down."

She had barely gotten that part out before she stiffened. She then pushed back and looked into his eyes as she said, "Our son?"

Sephiroth sighed as he pulled her closer again. She did not protest as he cradled her head to his shoulder and tried to explain. "Elder Bugenhagen wished to reassure you that your child was not a monster. However, when he performed a postmortem examination, he confirmed that I was the father."

Alex wasn't sure what to feel about that information. Part of her had hoped that was the case. Not that she had wanted to add any complications to her ambiguous relationship with the general, but at least that meant no one had taken advantage while she was unconscious—or she could tell herself that. It also meant that Hojo hadn't tried to use her to create something else.

Still, the concrete evidence that they were going to share a child made her uncomfortable. She wasn't ready to deal with that. Though those thoughts made the guilt that had already been creeping in twist harder. She pushed back and was glad that he let her. Tears were still streaming down her face as she tried to pull away and say, "I'm so sorry. Everyone knows I didn't want to be pregnant under these circumstances, but I didn't want this to be the outcome. If only I had—"

Sephiroth stopped her when he gently grasped her arms. He was fighting a frown as he said, "Do not blame yourself. While the stress did reduce your immune reactions, this was not caused by anything you did. You were sick, and none of us knew it until it was too late. You had a high fever that refused to go down for days. That, combined with your body and mind still trying to recover from everything you have gone through, is the most likely cause."

Alex wanted to believe him. If she didn't already know that her body could heal faster than most, she would have let it comfort her. None of that helped. Deep down, she could not help but believe that it was because she refused to acknowledge her pregnancy. She made no secret that she didn't want the child. She had finally started to admit that it was part hers, so it couldn't have been all bad, especially after her talk with Sephiroth. Now, it was too late to do anything but regret.

She had been trying to form some response to his empty reassurances but was not given a chance. Both Angeal and Genesis rushed in, with Lorne following. All three of them made a beeline for her bed. She ignored the look Genesis shot Sephiroth when the red-head saw the general's hands on Alex. Instead, she pulled away from Sephiroth and allowed her brother to pull her into a tight hug.

Alex let her sobs pour out as he gently patted her back and tried to reassure her that it would be all right. She wasn't sure it ever would be, but she let his calming words and actions help her stop crying. When Angeal finally let her go, they were all shocked when Genesis pulled her into a loose hug as well. His words were whispered for her ears only. "I apologize for my part in this. Had I not pushed you to your limits, things might have been different."

His words caused the pain to twist so hard that it took her breath for a moment. Was he right? Could this have been prevented if he hadn't hounded her about 'them,' or was she just looking for someone else to blame? In the end, she pushed away and shook her head as she said, "Thank you, but it wasn't you."

Genesis scoffed, but Lorne shooed him back as she made her way forward. The young woman was still smiling, but her manner had morphed into the stern taskmistress that ran the infirmary. She immediately started checking Alex's vitals as she said, "How are you feeling? Are you sore anywhere? Do you feel nauseous?"